


The Reckoning in the Force

by DangerTaylor



Series: The Unspoken Betrayal [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo/Rey - Freeform, Childbirth, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emperor Kylo Ren, Empress Rey, Eventual Smut, F/M, It hurts until it doesn't..., Knight of Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren is not the Bad Guy, Kylo Ren/Rey - Freeform, Loss of Trust, My love letter to Reylo, Porn With Plot, Prepare to be Emotionally Invested, Rey has issues, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Baby, Rose/Finn Baby, The Force is not happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-10-11 23:23:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 76,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17456252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangerTaylor/pseuds/DangerTaylor
Summary: Part Two of The Unspoken Betrayal: After the attack on Dantooine, turning herself off to the Force, and breaking the bond between herself and Kylo Ren, Rey races Rose and BB-8 out into the galaxy. They fight to survive and to see their children brought safely into existence, but the Force brings a reckoning upon Rey that delivers her back into the clutches of Kylo Ren and her ultimate unspoken betrayal is revealed.





	1. Part I

**AN: This is the second installment from The Unspoken Betrayal. If you have not read that story, stop here, please go back to my profile and read the 40 glorious chapters of that story before even diving into this one!**

**That being said, for all of you coming over from TUB, welcome! I promised not to keep you waiting and unlike some other people we know...I keep my promises.**

* * *

 

**Part I**

Ben didn’t know what to expect when stepping off his Command Shuttle on Dantooine, but it wasn’t this. He could hardly believe that the smoldering ruble used to be a Rebel base, let alone where Rey lived for the past year and a half. Cave-ins of duracrete only hinted at where the underground hangar used to be and smoke billowing out of random areas up a slight hill indicated the locations of air shafts, venting the ruin from within.

All around him was the stench of death, the twisted and dismembered bodies of both Resistance and Stormtroopers littered the tarmac. Taking in the utter deviation around him, Ben thought it must have been an act of the Force that she was able to survive such an attack. A quick scan of the base read back that there were no salvageable life forms within the ruins. There would be no search and rescue, and he ordered a recovery mission, where each body found would be identified and properly honored and laid to rest within the Force.

The sweltering summer sun beat down upon him on the black tarmac and he tasted the thick and humid air as if he could decipher if Rey was still on the planet or how long ago she had departed. But in the pit of his heart, he knew she wasn’t here. She was a survivor above all else and this place only harbored death and decay now.

Walking across the grounds he saw a break in the trees and for some reason, he was drawn to it. “Emperor,” Alister called out in a one-word question of whether the Knight should follow or not.

Ben just held up his hand to stay his guards and ventured between the trees.

What he found was a small clearing and as sweat dripped down the back of his neck, he knelt down and dug his bare hands into the dry soil. There was power in this place, latent and fading, but power none the less.

He remembered the night Rey completed her saber, he had followed her outside and they sparred as the world’s one moon shone down on her already glowing features. Back then, when he secretly left his declaration of love on the hilts of her sabers, he never thought that they would end up like this. How could she ever doubt him when he had written his vows on her weapon of the Force and encased his very soul, that only ever existed for her, within a kyber that he prayed was still hung around her neck.

Thinking of the kybers, and taking his mother’s advice, he slid into a more meditative position and used the lingering power of the clearing to ground himself into the Force.

It was strange reaching out for one’s own essence when the largest part of their presence was in fact, where they were physically situated. It was another humbling experience to have to think beyond his person, to consider this hulking part of himself small and inconsequential so that the tiny pieces of his self would shine brighter in the Force.

There, he gasped but then lost the track. She was moving too fast, she was in hyperspace racing away into the unknown. He would have to wait until she made planetfall somewhere, stayed put long enough for him to get a read on her. But even then he would have to approach her with caution, knowing that if she was truly running, if she saw any of his Knights, any of the guards, she would go deeper into the Unknown Regions and possible never surface again.

Within moments he had drained the area of her essence and he was once again left hollow. There was nothing left for him here and he walked back out to his ship, “We will rendezvous with the Serenity and make a strategy from there to find and bring home our Empress.”

As they raced back through free space and Ben sat alone in their…his quarters, he thought about the last time he had done this. It was after Crait, after she had turned her back on him and fled, and just like five hundred and twenty-seven days ago, he tried to calculate where he had gone wrong.

But Dantooine was not Crait and the Serenity was not the Supremacy. Rey was not just the scavenger that was scared of a future with him, she was his wife, his crowned and confirmed Empress.

The catalyst, he mused, for both events, for both times now that she had closed the door on him, closed their bond, was the death of her friends. If he could bring Hux back to life long enough to cut him in two again, Ben would be thoroughly satisfied. But was his treacherous General really the only one to blame?

Ben thought about his mother’s warning on Ahch-To and at first, he had thought it would be someone to attempt to hurt them, a person from the Resistance that discovered them before the treaty signing or a double agent from Snoke’s rule. He had thought that whatever it was, whoever it was, that both Rey and himself would face it together, thinking, perhaps with hubris, that their bond, their love, was unbreakable.

Never in a million years would he have thought that part of the betrayal would come from Rey herself and he cursed the stubborn and choleric woman who whispered her love one day and then sneered her hate the next.

He understood her pain, he wished for nothing more than to wrap her small body in his arms and comfort her for the loss of her friends. Begrudgingly Ben admitted to himself that Dameron would have made a damn good flight instructor for the Imperial Navy and for Maker’s sake, how could Rey think her husband so heartless that he would murder a man with a child on the way?

Perhaps that is what hurt him the most, the fact that Rey was so easy to doubt, that she was so quick to forget. He had begged her on countless occasions too, no matter what, trust in the Force, trust in their bond, their love, and never question his devotion to her. He had worked tirelessly to prove to her that he was worth believing in, and in one grand fuck you gesture from a maniacal ginger, the past five hundred and twenty-seven days seemed to have been washed away.

With a grief that he attempted to keep at bay, he thought of his poor abandoned girl, whose parents cast her aside for drinking money and were dumped unceremoniously into a pauper’s grave in the Jakku desert. Scraping and begging for just the barest needs of survival, before being used as yet another political ploy by his mother…Rey didn’t stand a chance at learning to deeply trust in such a short amount of time. Especially when the very few that she had grown to deeply love, were reportedly killed by the man she trusted her heart with.

Ben was not guiltless, he had hurt her in the past, had connected with her on Ahch-To just to put her in chains and deliver her to Snoke, let his Master penetrate her mind and her Light. But he had acted with retribution and later gained her forgiveness and started down the path of redemption with Rey finally at his side.

He wanted to rage, draw his saber and slash at everything in the room that reminded him of her. Walking to their closets, he pulled at the door, seeing her clothes within he dropped to his knees, gripping the blue silk of the dress she wore on Naboo and sobbed into the billowing folds, not caring that he was staining the fabric with the salt of his tears.

Pain, his mind flashed and the haunting echo of the voice that plagued his youth rang in the dark corners of his subconscious. You must use this pain, Kylo Ren. Draw strength from it and trust in the Darkside of the Force.

Ben shook the voice from his head as a shiver coursed through his body. Ever since Rey came back into his life, somehow her Light had kept his old Master’s Dark musings at bay. Ben couldn’t fall back to being the Kylo Ren that laid waste to the small village on Jakku. He needed to heed his mother‘s words and continue to strive to be the man that Rey would return home to…one day…soon…hopefully.

Standing, he pulled the knife from his boot, the same one that he had used to rid his bride of her wedding dress on the pinnacle of Ahch-To, were they had made love for the first time as man and wife, and he scratched a single tick mark into the gray-coated metal of her closet door.

He felt as if he was back at the beginning, back to getting Rey to trust him, back to convincing her to willingly come to him, willing to love him again. On the Supremacy she had misunderstood his need…his purpose for her, and he saw now that asking her to let the past die, to allow the Resistance, her friends die with that past was wrong. But now that her friends were dead, it appeared that it was, in fact, their future that was the lamb led to the slaughter. Ben was not to be her past, to be left behind, he is her now and always, the Force had promised that to him.

But in times like this, he was finding the Force cruel, fickle, and wanting.

They landed on the Serenity and Arlan and Tyris were anxiously waiting in the hangar for their Master’s orders.

“What happened?” Arlan asked as they paced down the halls and entered the same conference room that was to be used for the treaty signing.

Ben placed his hands along the glossy surface of the table, closing his eyes, he could still see Rey laid out before him, all flushed skin and glossy folds, and he wondered if she would ever look at him with such love and longing ever again. With this thought, he finally drew his saber and hacked the table into splinters.

“Hux ordered an attack on the Resistance base on Dantooine. He wanted to continue this war…he wanted Rey dead.” Ben’s breath came in gasps, not only at the physical exertion of destroying the furnishings but also at the emotional toll of thinking about an existence without Rey, and how even now, the pain he felt without her signature ever present in the pulsing just behind his ribs, he knew that she was alive and for this moment, that would have to be enough.

Arlan sucked in a breath, “Is the Empress…” she couldn’t even bear to say the words.

“She got away, but for now at least I fear she is lost to us…to me.”

Still not understanding, Arlan looked around at the other guards and Knights, but it was Alister who spoke, “The Empress believed that our Master was the orchestrator of the attack and has gone into hiding.”

“The Force,” Arlan pleaded. “Your bond…”

Ben looked down at the still smoking wood of the table, “She turned away from our bond, from the Force. I can’t sense her anymore.”

Arlan felt just as lost as her Master. She remembered when Rey turned off the Force last time, how Ren was inconsolable, how he screamed of the pain, begged her for death. She couldn’t fathom how he was managing to remain in such a stable state as she let her own emotions get the best of her and fat tears ran from the guard’s pale eyes.

“What of her friends? The girl, Rose…” Arlan thought back to their brief meeting on Orinda.

“We don’t know, but presume that they are all dead.” Ben looked as if saying the words was causing him even more physical pain. “I only know Rey survived because she came to me in the bond before closing herself off to it.”

Coving her mouth and attempting to stop the tears from rolling down her face, Arlan thought about the happy, spunky, and a clearly pregnant woman and her heart hurt for her Empress, for her friend, who after so much work and sacrifice, had just lost so much. “Maybe she just needs time to grieve and then she will come back,” Arlan tried to comfort herself.

“She was in so much pain,” Ben mused, remembering the suffocating agony that he felt through the bond as she hissed insults at him before turning her back on everything.

Sadly, Ben wanted to believe what Arlan was saying, that Rey just needed some time and if he allowed her some space, she would come back and they could pick their relationship back up. At this point he was hurt but he knew that he could forgive Rey, they would need to have some very serious conversations and she needed to know that running should never be the first choice when they have issues, but he was just so desperate to have her back in his arms, that he would tamper down her betrayal for the sake of his sanity.

After taking a calming breath, Ben, his guards, and his Knights set to work to devise a plan to search for Rey, find her, and bring her home safely. He would use all of his contacts, all of the alliances that he had made across the galaxy, to find her. He would make sure that she was not to be harmed, or even approached. Ben needed to be the one to tell her the truth, to show her in the Force that he had no hand in the massacre on Dantooine. He needed to be the one to bring his wife home.

So as if time had reset itself, on day one Ben sent discreet messages to all of the sectors in his Empire.

9999999

As soon as Rey broke atmosphere off Dantooine, she entered the Veragi Trade Route and headed further into the Outer Rim, making a wide sweeping flight path around Akuria where she knew the Serenity was awaiting the arrival of the Resistance for the treaty signing. But there would be no treaty because there was no more Resistance. Kylo Ren had seen to that.

The other thing that Kylo had been sure of, was teaching Rey how to run. All the practice runs getting off-world on the MK3 kicked in and she was in hyperspace in under a minute, leaving the destruction and First Order Destroyer in her wake.

Rose had sobbed to exhaustion and now she curled up in the co-pilot’s seat, deep in a restless sleep. In this moment Rey finally let her resolve crack, pulling her legs up to her chest and crying into the soft fabric at her knees. Somehow, though everything that happened that day, her clothes still smelled like him and a place deep in her chest felt ripped open once more.

Rey felt hollow without the Force, without the bond, like the constant threat of nausea that had no relief. This was nothing like the last time she turned off the Force with the intent to surprise Ben, this time she wasn’t just turning against the Cosmic power, she was turning against the very feelings that were so embedded in her very soul that it almost felt like when Snoke had ripped memories from her mind.

Each time she breathed, the thin knife of betrayal inched closer to her heart and she wondered how long she could live like this. Her mind was at war with her heart and she felt that no matter what, there would be no victor in this battle.

She tried in vain to comprehend what she had come upon on Dantooine. How this could have happened and how Ben had kept these plans from her for so long. The troopers were clearly First Order and were not shy about stating their objective as passed down by the Supreme Leader, a title that she thought Ben had abandoned long ago.

There was obviously more to her husband than she had never known, and she shivered thinking that the man she married, who would whisper love and promises into her heated skin was the same man who would order the execution of men, woman, and children just days before he had promised her peace and a lifetime of happiness.

Poe’s final words echoed in her mind, ‘We had no chance…’ They had been lulled into a false sense of security with peace just within their grasp, just for it to be yanked away by the cruel hand of Kylo Ren.

When Rey had told Ben, all those months ago, that he would never be her Supreme Leader because he was a better man than Snoke could ever aspire to be, she had never been so wrong and she cursed her heart forever giving him a second chance.

But now she raced away from that life with the new life that was growing within her. For a fleeting moment she had been wanting to be rid of the child, not wanting a piece of that monster to be within her, but she wouldn’t…could never judge the future intentions or worth of a child by the blood that flowed through its veins.

One of the most devastating parts of turning her back on the Force was that she was no longer able to feel her child. The special bond that she had with her little Light was now also lost and it made the void within her more vast. Through readings with Rose, Rey knew that within a few more weeks she could possibly start to feel her baby move in her womb, but the connection through the Force could never be replicated by slight flutters.

Rey yearned for the Force, for her child…for her husband, but the man that now called himself Emperor was not her Ben, for her Ben could never command such an act. She had to believe that there was no Light left in him, that Kylo Ren had taken hold of her husband’s body and the man she gave herself to was gone.

She had to believe this, otherwise all of this pain, all of this loss was for nothing. So with a heavy heart and shattering breath, Rey tried to forget the last five hundred and twenty-seven days. She would find her own peace, her own balance, without the Force and without Ben.

Walking into the main hold of the ship, she pulled the necklace out from between her breasts, unlatched the chain and as the cool gold came away from her body, another sob racked her body. She had to cut ties, close this part of her life and keep moving forward, keep surviving.

Holding the rings in her hand without the Force was an odd sensation. While normally she could feel Ben’s signature pulsing though, his Light was warm and embracing, but now Rey just felt nothing and the kyber looked dull and muddy in her palm. His Light was truly gone and she locked the reminders of their broken vows aways in the wooden box with the rest of his lies.  
  
The box of Ben was stowed away in the back of a compartment, behind the Jedi text, and hidden away from view and thought. That chapter of her life had burned hot and fast, but she and Ben were like fire and starship fuel, volatile and guaranteed to ignite with a savage explosion.

So with shaking limbs, Rey limped to the hull door, scratching a single line into the durasteel, longingly and dolefully running her fingertip over the solitary mark that signified the start of another life.

Within a day they were following the Celanon Spur to Botajaf before turning onto the Hydian Way and making it all the way to Telos IV on the next solar cycle before needing to refuel. The world in the Kwymar Sector was heavily populated, by Dantooine standards that is, and without the Force, Rey wasn’t able to tell if there was danger lurking. So she made sure that Rose had her blaster and with her saber strapped to her back, under the cover of a cloak, they ventured out into the large port as their ship was refueled.

The limitless credit cards that Ben had given her could only get them so far as she was sure they were traceable, but their ship would be refueled and stocked with supplies before they could be tracked to the Outer Rim planet. They would have to find a remote world soon to settle on, find work and earn their own credit.

Reaching down to rub her hand along the still flat expanse between her hips, Rey knew that they would need to find a world with medical care, especially with Rose further along in her pregnancy. Rey was far too familiar with the dangers of labor, on Jakku woman would often have to sell their bodies for water or portions. Unwanted pregnancies were common and without so much as a midwife within a hundred miles, many women lost their babies or their own life in childbirth.

Back on Naboo, in the royal catacombs, Rey had made Ben promise to raise their children in the Light if Rey was to follow Padmé’s fate and die while giving birth, but Ben had broken more promises than she cared to count. He had killed children in the attack on Dantooine, just has his grandfather had killed younglings in the Jedi Temple, there was such Darkness in the deed that Rey couldn’t…wouldn't trust him to not lead their son down the same path.

She had to survive, she had to fight. Rey now had a responsibly to both her unborn child, Rose and her daughter to come. It was Rey’s fault that Finn was dead just as much as it was Kylo’s. Both of their children would grow up fatherless because of the secrets that Rey kept from her friends and the secrets that Ben kept from her.

It was a burden that she would take to her grave, knowing that Rose would surely hate her if she was to discover the truth.

They drifted in free space in sector Q4 for a few days, they cried and planned, ate rations, and attempted to sleep curled up together on a single bunk. They found comfort in each other but Rey’s heart still broke every time she heard Rose talking to the baby in her womb, telling stories of Finn’s bravery and how much her daddy loved her and how Rose wished that he could have met their beautiful daughter at least once.

There were eleven tick marks on the hull door when they moved from free space into the Listehol Run, connecting down to the Shaltin Tunnels which led them to Lianna in S6.

Lianna was another populated world and Rose and Rey easily blended into the dense city. A quick scan on her datapad showed that the planet’s main economy as built around technology firms and with both Rose and herself being mechanical inclined, Rey was hopeful that they could hide out here long enough to plan their next move.

Another fact that reassured her was that she had never seen this world’s name on any of the documents for the New Order. Lianna was a democratic and prospering planet that needed little intervention from the New Republic or the New Order and being this far out in the Rim offered them some anonymity from the Core run governments.

Such a populated world also offered them access to medical facilities and Rey didn’t know how long she would be able to hide her own…condition from Rose. Better yet, Rey wasn’t sure how she was going to explain it to Rose and she spent many sleepless nights debating the future fall out from lying or telling the truth.

Sleeping on the shuttle saved them credits on lodging and also gave them access to a quick get-away if needed, but within the week, both girls had found work at Santhe/Sienar Technologies. Rose worked in-line manufacturing, standing on her feet all day made her ankles swell, but she wasn’t stuck under ships or around dangerous chemicals. Rey was in fitting and testing, and she had to admit that having grease under her fingernails again felt good.

At the first chance she had, Rey went out and bought some blue paint, coving BB-8’s distinctive orange markings in case there was also a bounty out on the droid again. The astromech had tried to argue in binary, but when Rey had treated to not let him off the ship until he also had another identity, BB finally conceded and allowed Rey to meticulously paint his sphere body.

Around the thirty day mark, Rey had to start letting out the ties on her tunics and blamed the slightly rounding of her hips on lack of training as she had not ignited her saber since that day, when she held her unstable blade to her husband’s neck, posed and ready to end him and his reign of tyranny.

The cool metal of the hilt still sat at her back, but she was scared to light it, first at the sack of detection as lightsabers were very uncommon, and secondly, she feared that she would feel something…that she would be tempted to split the hilt, look down upon his words, the star and the home, when there was only a gaping black hole and a pile of ruined in their place.

Normal felt like a foreign feeling after everything they had gone through, but with caf in the morning, work during the day, simple rations for dinner, and nights spent laughing at Rose’s frustration as she attempted to learn how to knit…Rey thought that this could almost feel normal.  
  
But Rey’s first reckoning came forty-four days after they fled Dantooine as they entered the woman’s clinic in Lianna City. At twenty weeks pregnant Rose was overdue from another check but they dare not attempt to get her records from Orinda and weeks ago they started going by made up names as a safety measure.

“Paige Fel,” Rose said to the woman behind the check-in desk.

Rey bit at her lip, still anxious about revealing her secret, but it has been over a month since she heard her baby’s heartbeat and even her body continued to change around his growing body, without the Force connection, she had to know that he was healthy and alive.

So she stepped up next to Rose, “And I’m Kira Revan…” she slid a quick glance to her friend. “I scheduled our visits together.”

Not wanting to cause a scene in the middle of the waiting room, knowing that any unwanted attention could mean their capture and possibly their deaths, Rose sat next to her dearest friend, looking at her as if she could pull the meaning of all of this from her mind, but Rey just stared ahead, twisting her hands in her lap and avoiding direct eye contact.

Looking over Rey’s body, Rose saw the slightly bigger bust and lower abdomen pudge that Rey blamed on lack of exercise. When they came home from work, Rose often shed her jacket and tunic, much more comfortable lounging around the shuttle in just her breast band as she told Rey that her stomach needed to ‘breathe’. But Rey always changes in the fresher or in the bunk room, never showing a sliver of skin more than she needed to and now Rose knew why.

What she couldn’t fathom was why her friend through that she had to hide her pregnancy. They had been through so much over the past few years and Rose almost felt insulted that Rey had hidden this. Rose felt less alone now, knowing that her best friend would be going through all of this with her, that they would have each other to rely on, and Rose also became giddy at the prospect of raising their children together on the rolling green hills of a peaceful world.

It was only when they were back in the exam room and the strong and steady heartbeat of Rey’s baby sounded over the monitor that Rose crumpled, throwing her arms around her friend’s shoulders as they wept together.

“Why didn’t you tell me,” Rose said through glassy eyes.

“I didn’t know how,” Rey tried to reason. “I only found out the day…” she had to stop herself from saying the words, both because of the pain that they caused her but also they never mentioned Dantooine around strangers. “The day we left and I’ve been so scared.”

“I know sweetie,” Rose stroked at Rey’s hair. “I’m scared too, but we have each other. We can do this together…we have to do this together.”

Rey nodded, looking back at the monitor where now her little bean had grown, his tiny nose, full lips, and ever wiggling hands were on full display. She didn’t know she could love him more, but as she watched him move within her, she wished she could feel him through the Force, but that was impossible and this would have to do.

“Kira,” Rose used Rey’s cover name as she reached out and grabbed on to her friend’s hand. “You and your baby…you are not alone.”

Those words…those simple but profound words that were spoken across the bond and across the stars made Rey weep in this moment, unable to utter back her response. Those three words belonged to someone else from another time.

So she just gripped Rose’s hand and nodded with a teary smile.

* * *

 

**AN: Y'all know that I love your comments and they keep me going. I am killing my Muse/Beta with all the ideas for this story and I wish I could take the plot from my head and just throw it on the screen...but you know...typing.**

**So I hope to maybe be able to do a chapter a week, maybe more if the mood strikes so make sure you get the alerts!**

**Love all of you and thank you for following over to this story from TUB!**

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Part II

**AN: The response to the first chapter was amazing and humbling. Thank you so much to everyone who dropped me a line and who are now following this story. All of you are so appreciated and are the main reason why I continue to let my mind wander in this marvelous world of Reylo.**

* * *

**Part II**

Ben spent four days on the _Serenity_ before having to return to Coruscant. While he itched to storm every sector looking for Rey, he still had a galaxy to run and he hated to face the reality that he would have to do it without her.

He had reached out with the Force looking for her every day, but the signature was still too faint and his mother's words echoed, that the dull pulse would grow over time and he anticipated the day when the Force would finally reveal her and he would be able to bring her home.

Back on his Capital, sleeping in their empty bed and absentmindedly brewing enough caf for two each morning, he felt like a ghost just going through the motions of life. One night after too much Chandrilan whiskey, he walked through the apartment thinking that every surface held a memory of her. Ending up in the nursery, he wanted to take his saber to the walls, to the rocker where his grandmother had been lulled to sleep when she was just a babe. This room was a lie, a cruel and mocking fabrication from the Force.

Instead, he laid on the floor, looking over at the painted wall, the two suns of Ahch-To almost felt warm on his face and he missed her light desperately. He thought about their wedding day, how he had vowed to remain with her in this life, in the Force, and in the beyond. Closing his eyes, he reaches out to the small piece of him that beat across the galaxy but was still just out of reach. Each day he would walk up to the landing pad, enter the MK3 and make another scratch into the closet door, thirty-three in total at this point.

Taking on a new guard unit was odious, but he needed his Knights, Arlan, Tyris, and Davin out looking for Rey. She would know them, hopefully trust them, and he knew that no harm would come to her at their hands.

It was day fifty-five by the time that he was able to sort out the cluster that Hux had left the military in. New Generals were appointed and investigations were pouring in intel about all of the players who had a hand in the Dantooine attack. His media team suggested putting out headlines about how the Resistance had disbanded and there was finally a peaceful end to the war.

It was rationalized that if the truth came out, it may cause another uprising and while they could handle any opposition that attempted to gain movement against the Empire, Ben needed to be out in the galaxy looking for Rey, not battling outlying cells of rebels.

On day sixty-one he touched down on Mustafar. Davin had been jumping from the volcanic world to D'Qar, Naboo, and Crait since the attack on Dantooine and his unfortunate report was that there had been no sighting of Rey in this corner of the galaxy.

He spends almost a month on Naboo, staying in the palace since just the smell of the lavender in the garden makes his stomach twist with despair. Irris was of some comfort, keeping him busy and focused on not letting his Empire fall apart. His cousin had made it very clear to her people that the Emperor's extended visit was in no way a means to overthrow their way of government, nor was it a way to join her to Emperor Ren beyond their alliance by blood.

Irris also made it clear to her cousin that she was not trying to replace Rey, but she also understood the burden of ruling and knew in his current state that he couldn't do it alone. Her heart ached for Ben, not understanding how Rey could ever believe her husband was capable of such hernias acts. But with sorrow in his eyes and a posture that seemed to close in on itself more each day, the Queen watched the Emperor continue to build schools, fund medical facilities, and free enslaved words, all in the name of his absent Empress.

She heard him at night, either sobbing himself to sleep or yelling out into the void for mercy. Each day she saw a little more Darkness creep into his once warm brown eyes, and this scared her more than the weight loss or apparent depression ever could.

When he was feeling too watched, as if everyone was just waiting for him to snap, Ben figured that he needed to get off world again. Heading out into the 14-17 sectors, he searched Vandor, Bathawui, Scarif, and Tatooine, thinking that perhaps his desert flower had returned to the heat.

But these trips like all the ones before turned up not even a whisper of a young woman with chestnut hair, who was an expert mechanic and carried a lightsaber.

Ben headed west next, stopping off on Takodana, Endor, and finally coming to land upon Jakku on day one hundred and twenty. Alister stood at attention at the end of the ramp while Ben circled the downed AT-AT Walker. It looks just as abandoned as the last time he was here on his birthday. Sand was piled up, almost burying one more of the long legs of the armored vehicle.

Opening the hatch, the air inside was stale and he knew that she had not been here. Nonetheless, he walked up to the wall that held all of the tick marks from her first life and he removed the knife from his boot and scraped steel against steel in desperation.

_My sky is darkest without your Light. Please come home. - B_

His saber inched for blood, calling out for the Darkness that kept it the deep crimson hue. Finding the Outpost was easy enough and he reached out with the Force, touching a dozen minds at once until he found memories of the girl…his girl.

Unkar Plutt didn't stand a chance against the Master of the Knights of Ren and fell into a blubbering mess as his blood saturated the sand on the floor of his stall. Ben cut off the hands of the man who abused his Empress. He stabbed through the eyes that leered at her as her body started to develop. Ben sneered that Plutt was a gutless tyrant as his saber cut along the bloated belly of the Crolute, eviscerating him and leaving him for the buzzards to pick through.

Ben's saber buzzed happily and in the pain, in the Darkness, Ben found some relief for the hole that still gaped within his chest.

The Force pulsed again and Ben whipped his head around as if expecting to see a manifestation appear behind him. But there was nothing but the pull…and he was helpless to follow.

Ahch-To…The Force had called him to Ahch-To, whispering it's need for balance. With Rey turned off to the Cosmic power, he alone had to maintain the balance and as of late, it was becoming increasingly hard to find the path back to the Light. He had always been pulled towards her, she was his beacon and now there was nothing to guide him through the dark waters and the rocky shores.

Wandering through the small cluster of huts he felt the pull towards the temple and he started the trek up the steep incline of the island. The air was thick with moisture but not yet bitting cold of winter and he watched dewdrops gather on the thick wool of his surcoat. The wind whistled through heather and the earthy fragrance of the island set deep in his chest.

The temple was just as it had been five and a half months ago when he was last here to meet the love of his life and place a ring upon her finger and a crown upon her head. It seemed like a lifetime ago and his heart ached for her, but the pull from the Force was stronger and he walked out onto the precipice, easily settling upon the meditation rock, folding his legs beneath him and resting the backs of his hands upon his bent knees.

Slipping into a deep trance, Ben let the balance of the island wash over him and he once again searched for the smallest piece of himself in the great expanse of the galaxy.

Only once he was completely submerged into the Force, fully detached from himself, did he feel the balance and then he was being transported through time and space until he could feel the sun, hear the lapping water, and smell the deep and sweet fragrance of wisteria and lavender.

"I can't be in this place," Ben spoke to the Force presence behind him.

"But this is where you need to be."

Ben turned and looked upon his grandfather, but not the old and broken Vader, but the young, in love, and hopeful Anakin. His hair was longer like Ben's and in just as much disarray, both men wore scars from lightsabers down the right sides of their faces, and the hollowness in their gaze mirrored the other.

Unlike his meeting with his mother, where she had glowed a brilliant blue through the Force, Anakin was just as solid as Ben and just as real as their surroundings. The Varykino estate in the lake country of Naboo looked just the same as when he brought Rey here and promised that this would be their home and they would raise their family here one day.

Pulling in the scent of the purple blooms again, Ben's shoulders shuttered with tears. "Forgive me," he cries, raising his hand to his face and wiping at his eyes. "I feel it again…the call to the Darkness." Lifting his gaze, he echos the same sorrow on Anakin's face. "Help me grandfather. I can't lose her. I can't lose myself."

Walking to his grandson, Anakin placed a hand on Ben's shoulder, and they seem to bear the entire weight of the galaxy. "Your grandmother knew that keeping our relationship hidden was a mistake from the first moment that I told her I loved her. I even admitted that the secrecy would ruin us, but that did not prevent us from falling more in love with each other. It was my inability to live without her that drove me into the clutches of Darth Sidious and to the Darkside."

"I begged Rey to stay with me," Ben's tone was almost pleading. "I never wanted to hide our love…our bond. I was so in awe and proud to be hers and I would have bowed to her before the entire Empire if to just prove that love."

Anakin hummed, "Your wife in a complicated woman and you know that she would have never been satisfied with just saving you…she had to save everyone."

Ben knew his grandfather was right. Once Rey got a taste of salvation, she wanted to make sure that not one more soul went hungry, or lacked education or medical care. She would end servitude, whether it was children in the stables on Canto Bight or Troopers serving the New Order. At times it seemed that she wanted peace more than she wanted him, and he was understanding but hated every time she left him and went back to the Resistance.

"We were so close grandfather," Ben said with a pained expression as he remembered the hate and betrayal on Rey's face as she held the saber to his neck for the second time in their time together. His shoulders started to shake again as his breaths came in heaves, "How could she think I would do such a thing? How could she not believe in us, trust in our love as I asked her to do so many times?"

Though in this form, Anakin was eight years Ben's junior, he wrapped his grown grandson in a warm embrace. He had missed out on fatherhood all together and he did not wish that suffering upon Ben. He wished he could tell his grandson everything, but the Force was steadfast in its stipulations for these connections from the beyond.

So instead he just placed his palms on either side of Ben's face and looked into deep brown eyes that were passed down from Padmé, "You are now the sole keeper of the balance, and you must have enough faith to make up for her misguided doubt. Use the Darkness but don't succumb to it. I know you are strong enough to withstand, we all know you are strong enough to finish what we all started, to have the ending we were all fighting for."

Ben just nodded, not knowing if words could ever express the turbulent emotions that swirled around him. His family was at peace and they were finally on the same side, and that happened to be in support of Ben and his endeavors. All his life, he just wanted to make his grandfather proud, to honor his grandmother, and to have his parents believe in him. Now, through the grace of the Force, he had accomplished it all and he wasn't sure what to do with the warmth that bloomed in his gut and threatened to take over.

He would never be content and accepting of a life without Rey, but he thought just maybe he could survive with the blessing and encouragement from his family from the beyond.

"Now Ben," Anakin regained his grandson attention and moved his hands from Ben's face to his shoulders. "I need you to reach out. I need to find the pieces of yourself."

Closing his eyes, Ben let his grandfather lead him through the Force. It felt as if he was standing in the middle of a holomap that was being projected around a darkened room.

"Where are you?" Anakin asked.

Ben walked over to the eastern Unknown Regions, "Here on Ahch-To."

"Your signature is strongest there, but you need to reach beyond."

His grandfather's voice was soothing and Ben almost wanted to consider what his life would have been like if Anakin had not turned to the Dark, if Anakin and Padmé had raised their children and Ben could have been trained by the Skywalker who was born of the Force, the Chosen One. But without the tragedy of his grandparent's lives, his mother and father would have never met and there could have been a chance that Ben would never come about and with no Ben, there would be no Rey to rise to meet him.

"Focus," Anakin's voice rang out, pulling his grandson from senseless wondering. Dreaming of a different life would not help him in this existence.

Ben centered himself back into the darkened room, turning his back on Ahch-To, on himself, and looked out over the vast galaxy.

Coruscant blinked at the Core with pieces of his signature that lingered around his home. Naboo flickered with the relative blood that flowed through the Queen's veins. Then off in the distance, across the stars, there was just the faintest light that was calling to him…missing him.

"Allied Tion," Ben said just above a whisper as he moved towards the sector. "But what world? Where is she?" He turned back looking to his grandfather for answers, but he was alone and the map faded into just darkness.

Gasping, Ben came out of his trance and fell forward out of exhaustion. "Master?" Alister questioned, as the first Knight caught his shoulder so Ben wouldn't topple off the cliff.

A storm had settled over the island and Ben's clothes were soaked through and as he continued to wake, he also started to feel the shivers run through his body and chill set into his bones.

"Master," Alister tried again. "Ren! We need to get you out of this storm and warmed up."

Ben tried to stand from the mediation stone and his knees buckled and he was thankful for the firm hold that Alister had on him. They limped through the temple and back down the hill towards his Command Shuttle. Alister called out for help and another Knight, Cander came down from the cockpit and together they drug their Master into his quarters and began to strip him of his soaked clothing.

"How long was I out?" Ben asked between chattering teeth.

Cander had already moved to the fresher, turning the shower on to just below scorching. Alister pulled at Ren's boots and wishing to still maintain his Master's dignity, would allow Ren to remove his own pants in the fresher. Throwing Ren's arm around his back, Alister stood and helped Ren cross the room while answering, "Three days."

It was no wonder he was starting to fall to fatigue, but he thanked his Knights as they propped him against the sinks in the fresher and left him to finish undressing. With still heavy limbs, Ben crawled into the shower, curling up on the floor and letting the warm steam ease his stiff body and bring a flush back to his pale skin.

Once in dry clothes and with a warm meal in his stomach, Ben was feeling more like himself and he set to work, constructing a plan to find and retrieve his wife from the Allied Tion sector of the Outer Rim. But the storm raged on and they were unable to lift off for over half a day. While his mind was restless, running through how to search the fourteen systems within Allied Tion, his body begged for sleep.

Within hours, his body won out and he drifted off while sprawled across the couch in his quarts, datapad still resting in his lap.

On day one hundred and thirty the MK3 and its crew met up with the _Serenity_ just outside the orbit of Felucia in the sector that abuts Allied Tion. Ben wanted the flagship to stay just out of range, the last thing he wanted was to alert Rey of his presence in the area and have her flee before they had a chance to find her.

His seven Knights and three trusted guards were in attendance at the meeting aboard the _Serenity_. Ren had even pulled Volsh back from leave to help with the search. With eleven of them, he separated the fourteen systems between them. Cander was taking the Corlax and Voss systems as they were less populated and would be easier to search. Bona also took two systems and Ben gave orders for everyone to be packed and ready to move within the hour.

Ben took a smaller shuttle down to the Desargorr system, knowing that he would have to not only search the planet, but also its numerous moons and asteroids that sustained mining oppositions. His Empress could fix anything she put her hands to…well besides their relationships perhaps, but he wouldn't doubt he would find Rey up to his elbows in engine grease.

* * *

Rey made the hundred and forty-first tick mark on the door. Rose had questioned the ritual months ago and Rey had just told her that old habits die hard. Truthfully she hoped that with each passing day, the void within her chest would start to fill, but without the Force, Rey had never felt more lost.

The only thing grounding her…making her feel less alone, was the sweet boy ever growing in her womb. She was twenty-six weeks along and now had a very noticeable bump on her lower abdomen. She had been moved out of the hangar at Santhe/Sienar and put on the manufacturing line with Rose. Rey missed working on ships but was no longer able to comfortably lay flat on her back for hours at a time.

Over the past few weeks, Rey and Rose had started attending birthing classes together. When the coach had asked them if the fathers would be joining for any of the sessions, both girls teared up, only offering that the fathers had died in the war.

As Rey sat next to her friend and they got ready to go through breathing exercised, Rey reached over and grabbed Rose's hand, "I'm sorry Finn isn't here to do this with you."

Her words had more meaning than Rose would ever know. Rey felt partially responsible for Finn's death, having literally made her bed with Kylo Ren and been utterly burned in the process. Many nights she stayed awake, replaying the months after Crait, trying to see where she went wrong, looking for the lies between the sweet words that a monster had cooed to her.

Rose had given a soft but sad smile, "It's a shame too that Poe is missing out on all of this for your little one."

Reaching down, Rose stroked Rey's stomach and the moment of distraction was a blessing because the expression on Rey's face was one of utter confusion and borderline disgust. But just as quickly, Rey reined in her feelings and just hummed in response, thinking back to the lie she had spun about herself and the General to explain away the sucking marks that Ben had left on her skin.

Ben…

Her thoughts drifted to him like they often do. Late at night, her body would scream for his touch, for his expert knowledge of how to bring her bliss, but time and time again she blamed the heat on her hormones and would rub herself towards lackluster orgasms.

But on this early spring day the only man on her mind was her son, and after making the scratch mark on the hull door, Rey ventured out into the city with BB-8 close behind as she went looking for her latest craving… marshmallows.

With a tan cloak wrapped tightly around her shoulders and concealing her saberstaff at her back, Rey enjoyed walking through the open markets of Lianna City. There were vendors from all across the world, and Rey picked up some yarn for Rose as she had finally got the hang of knitting and was working tirelessly to outfit both of their babes with warm clothing.

She had just finished paying for some dried fruits and placing an entire box of chocolate covered marshmallow into her cloth shopping sacks when she heard the relieved whisper from behind her.

"Empress…"

Turning she looked up into the boyishly handsome face of Cale. He was in plain clothes and his blond hair was slightly longer, his curls whipping in the sudden wind that came through the market. His expression was as if he was experiencing pain and relief at the same time and Rey tried to read the sadness in his eyes.

 _Most likely at the fact that he would have to capture and take her to her death,_ Rey mused to herself as she searched around for the best exit strategy. Leaving Cale wide-eyed and almost in awe that he had even found her, Rey took off running the best she could with her growing abdomen.

Cale called out behind her, pleading with her to stop as he gave chase through the crowded market. A white and blue BB unit whistled and beeped in the wake of her cloak and Cale was almost thankful that he follow the anxious sounds of the droid.

Skipping around stalls and veering down side streets, Rey looked over her shoulder before taking a hard left but she had miscalculated her bearings and was cornered into a dead end. Pulling her cloak further around her swelling body, she sunk into a defensive pose with her right hand on her saber hilt that was still strapped to her back.

A few seconds later the Knight came into the alleyway, slightly huffing out breath from the chase and he resting his hands on his knees as he tried to pull in some air. "Empress," he puffed out. "You have no reason to run. I'm not here to hurt you."

Rey just snorted at him in reply and unhooked her saber from its holster, still holding her cloak with her left hand and shielding it across her body. If Ben were to know about their son, she would never be able to escape him again. "BB-8, go tell Rose to ready the ship and if I don't join you in ten minutes, get off this world and get far away!"

They watched the droid hesitate and then go whizzing off in the direction they had just come. Cale straightened his posture and spoke again, "We have been looking everywhere for you. Ren will be thrilled to know you are unharmed."

She snorted again, "Unharmed is a relative term and maybe your _Master_ hasn't considered that I don't want to be found."

Cale was lost for words, over the past months they had all come to understand Rey's pain in the loss of her friends, but if she knew the truth, surely she wouldn't continue to run. So he tried again, "We all want you to come home. We miss you and Ren needs you at his side. He can't do this alone."

"The Supreme Leader had no problem making decisions without me when he ordered the attack on Dantooine and murdered hundreds of men, women, and children in the process!"

"My Master had no hand in the attacks. We were just as surprised to hear of it as I'm sure you were."

"Lies!" Rey screamed across the small space that separated them.

"Empress…"

"Don't call me that," she seethed.

Cale conceded, "Rey, you are welcome to read my thoughts and see the truth." He took a few steps closer to her and held up his hands so she didn't think he would attack or go for his weapon that hung from his hip.

Now with her hilt gripped in her right hand and hung at her side just behind the cloak, Rey called out, "Not a step closer, or have you already forgotten what happened the last time you pissed me off?"

He had not forgotten being dangled in the air on Naboo, but he also knew that she wouldn't be able to restrain him like that now. "I know you have turned your back on the Force, that you don't have access to your powers. My Master has been in such pain since you left."

Rey now moved part of her cloak aside, letting the gunmetal of her saber show as she threatened to ignite one of the blades. "Kylo Ren was born of betrayal and his power thrives on pain. I'm sure he is resting soundly on the bed he has made for himself."

As Cale took another step forward, Rey snapped her saber to life, but as she brought the plasma blade forward, the Knight fell to his knee before her, his head downturned much like when she had bestowed his Knighthood. She froze, the unsteady and hissing blade poised just aside his neck.

"Empress, Mistress of the Knights of Ren," Cale started with her official titles before inclining his chin and raising his gaze to meet hers, "Rey…" She looked more scared and desperate than fearsome, and she still wrapped her small body protectively in the tan cloak. "My loyalty to you is only superseded by that to my Master, but you must know that I have been commanded to relay your position back to Ren and when I first saw you in the market, I sent a comm that I found you."

Rey's breaths came heavier and she shifted her gaze up around them so appraise if the Knight had back upcoming, but he continued to speak and drew her attention back to his earnest expression. "He is in the Desargorr system and is surely on his way by now. I will beg you to stay and hear your husband out and hope that you will return with us. But I am at your mercy."

Tears that she didn't know had formed were now sliding down her cheeks as she watched the Knight submit to her. "I can't go back to him Cale. Not yet…maybe not ever."

"He will never stop looking for you," Cale said more pleading than threatening. He then stood as Rey finally lowered the saber away from his neck. "But if you are to go, you better make this look good."

"What?" Rey asked with confusion.

"I won't be able to tell Ren that I just let you go. You are going to have to make it appear as you bested me and escaped."

More tears came, "I don't want to hurt you Cale. There is already so much blood on my hands because of Kylo Ren."

"You must," Cale beseeched. "You must either maim me or I will have to leave as your prisoner."

For a fleeting moment Rey considered taking Cale and fleeing the world of Lianna before Kylo and the rest of the Knights could make planetfall, but she knew that capturing a Knight of Ren who called her Empress and Mistress would be hard to explain to Rose, so with a fresh set of tears, Rey muttered her apology and stabbed at Cale's left shoulder and then sliced into his thigh, crumpling him again to the filthy ground of the alleyway.

As Cale sat back on to his bottom, clutching his hand to his left shouldered he hissed and then looked up at Rey. "Whatever you think he has done, it is not the truth. Let my conduct and loyalty prove that you can come home Rey. You are loved and missed." He looked down his leg and pressed his left hand upon that wound. "I heard you tell the droid to have Rose ready the shuttle. Arlan will be pleased that your friend was able to escape with you, as she was quite worried about Rose and her baby."

Pieces of Rey's heart was pulling and aching at Cale's speech. She wanted to believe him, but the untrusting scavenger that had been left behind, abused, used, and maltreated screamed in the back of her mind to run before it was too late. So she deactivated her saber, clipping it into place at the small of her back and then knelt down in front of the Knight, still cautious to keep her cloak wrapped around her midsection.

"Thank you Cale. I will not forget your kindness. I just hope that Kylo won't be too hard on you for letting me escape."

The Knight smiled and pressed harder on his leg wound, "Nothing that I haven't endured before."

Rey wanted to whimper remembering all of the punishments that Snoke had bestowed upon Kylo during the course of his training and in another life Ben had uttered those same words, recalling the burns of Force lightning and hours of mental torture. Rey's beliefs that her husband was truly lost was even further cemented, knowing that her greatest fear, that Kylo would fall back to the man steeped in Darkness, the same as he had been under his old Master, had come to fruition.

What Rey didn't know, and what Cale didn't think to clarify was that the Knight would be more pained by the emotional distress of his Master and the person disappointment that he failed to bring Rey back home. But as he watched the Empress flee around the corner, he called in his location, requested medical evacuation, and awaited the reckoning of his Master.

* * *

**AN: I had to promise my Muse that I wouldn't draw out their separation, so this chapter moved through a lot of time, but I'm sure we are all more interested in the moments when Rey and Ben are brought back together anyways...**

**Your comments on the last parts of TUB and on the first chapter of TRF have made me laugh and brought me to tears more times than I care to admit. Keep them coming and I hope within the next few chapters we will see the real Reckoning come to pass.**

 

 

 


	3. Part III

**Part III**

After getting the comm from Cale, Ben pushed the MK3 to the limit, only stopping long enough to pick up Arlan, thinking that if Rey wouldn't talk to him then perhaps her dear companion could get through to his wayward wife.

It was barely an hour after Cale had sent out the comm when Arlan and Ren landed on Lianna, but he could feel in his bones that Rey was gone, that his Knight had failed his mission, and that the search for their Empress would continue.

Jix had made planetfall before his Master and when Ren entered the small shuttle, he sunk into a kneel and Cale slid painfully off the mess table where his fellow Knight had been tending to his lightsaber wounds.

"What happened?" Ren asked forcefully as he stood before his two Knights, gripping his hands so tight that he thought his fingers would go numb.

"Master," Cale started, lifting his head enough to catch a glimpse of the Emperor, the anger that rolled off him was palpable. "Rey…I mean the Empress…"

Crying out in frustration, Ren shot out his hand, "Just show me!" Reaching out with the Force, he dove into Cale's mind, perhaps a little rough as he watched his newest Knight flinch.

The images flashed by like a holovid in fast-forward. Cale finding Rey, him giving chase, parts of their confrontation in the alleyway, Rey crying and saying that she may never be able to return to her husband, her igniting her saber and slashing at Cale before she ran away again.

He released the Force hold with a more wounded cry, "Get him back to the _Serenity_ to have his injuries properly attended to. Comm Alister, Bona, and Cander and tell them to monitor the hyperspace lanes and surrounding sectors. She has a head start on us, but there is only so far she can go before needing to refuel."

Turning on his heels, Ren swept back out of the shuttle ready to join the race to head off his wife. Cale, now slumped to the floor called out to his once fellow guard, "Arlan…" She was already starting to follow her Emperor, but turned and looked back at Cale before he spoke again, "Rose is alive and with Rey. They both made it out."

"Thank the stars," Arlan answered back, relieved that Rose and hopefully her baby had made it away from the horrors of Dantooine, but also that Rey wasn't alone.

The Emperor and his Knights were back off world before the people of Lianna were even aware that their sovereign was in the capital.

* * *

Rey raced down the Perlemian Trade Route but changed hyperspace lanes as frequently as she could. The flight was jarring and Rose had to hold her large stomach and do breathing exercises to keep from being sick as she sat in the back of the ship with BB-8. Rey was too focused on fleeing to think of anything else, but Cale's words kept creeping into her mind and she would have to physically shake her head to not let his honest expression and the pleading for her understand to distract her.

They made it to Kalkovak on the border of the Mid Rim before they needed to refuel and Rey was almost relieved when she saw the desert planet come into view. There was a wide mix of life forms on the world and Rey almost felt at home…but a home from a very long time ago. From before her home became expanses of pale but warm skin and dark, fathomless eyes.

Landing just long enough to restock supplies and foodstuffs and fill their fuel tanks, they were back off world again before either of the girls could comprehend what was truly going on. Rey and Rose needed time to think, so Rey put the shuttle into orbit on the dark side of the planet and they drifted.

"What happened?" Rose asked.

"One of the Knights of Ren found me in the market. I was able to fight him off and get away."

Rose pondered Rey's reply, "What would the Knights of Ren want with you? Is Kylo still trying to get you to train with him?"

"Something like that," Rey grumbled to herself. In need of changing the subject and also trying to figure out where they would head next, Rey pulled up a holomap on her datapad. "We are in the Bortele sector, here," she pointed to their whereabouts. "I think we need to go clear across the galaxy…"

"Rey," Rose interrupted, gaining her friend's attention. "We can't run forever," she stroked at her stomach again, not necessarily speak of Rey and herself, but more of herself and her unborn daughter. She pulled her gaze from her swelling belly and looked to Rey's body that seemed to change more and more by the day. "I suspect that soon you will not be able to run either."

"I will run for as long as I need to," Rey shot back, perhaps some of her frustration with both herself and Kylo coming through in her tone.

"But why?" Rose questioned. "Surely if you were to meet with him, show him the condition that you are in, he would back off. You were the one that made all of us see the changes for good he was making in the galaxy."

"That was before he murdered all of our friends…" Rey seethed.

"When did you stop being the woman who faced down Snoke and lived to tell the tale? When did you become someone to flee from a fight? Kylo can't be so heartless that he would put a mother and child at risk."

"You don't know him as I do…" Rey tried to reason.

"Right…" Rose rolled her eyes, "you spent an hour with him on Starkiller, fighting the whole time, and perhaps that much time on the _Supremacy_. I'm sure you know all of his thoughts and intentions."

 _If only Rose knew_ , Rey thought to herself and almost brought herself to unweave the truth of the last year and how intimately Rey thought she knew the moral compass of Kylo Ren, but a part of her was selfish and didn't want to be alone, didn't want her closest friend to hate her, so Rey stays silent.

Rey also wondered what it would be like to go back to Ben now…hearing Cale's words echo in her mind, ' _My Master had no hand in the attack_ '. They had been just as surprised…but how could that be? How could anything happen in his Empire without his knowledge…without his approval?

Ben had to have known something about the attack…right?

She was brought out of her musing with Rose's voice, "What harm could come of even just sending a comm to Kylo Ren and asking him what the hell he wants and then politely telling him no and to leave you alone?"

Sighing and realizing that Rey wouldn't be able to win this argument without disclosing the true parentage of her baby and the real reason Kylo was searching for her, Rey appeared to concede. "I'll think about it. When we land next, I will see it if is even safe to send a comm without compromising our location."

This appeased Rose for the moment and they sat in the main hull and ate a simple dinner but when they lay belly to belly in bed that night, Rose snacking on melon and Rey popping chocolate covered marshmallows in to her mouth, the smaller woman with the bigger stomach asked, "Do you remember talking to Finn and me about the future when you picked us up from our honeymoon?"

They were both sullen for a moment, thinking back to a time when the young couples had been so hopeful…so sure of their long and happy life together. Rey swallowed back some tears as she nodded, "You were going to open an inn or go somewhere green…"

"Do you think we could still have that?" Rose looked out the small viewport in the sleeping quarters, seeing nothing but a dark planet below them and billions of stars shining in the distance. One of those sparkling dots could be in the system that Rose could find a new home with her daughter.

"I've had a vision of you and I on rolling hills as our children play…"

"So we will find some happiness?" Rose looked back down at Rey with some hope.

Rey chewed on another candy, "That was from another time…so much has changed…I'm not sure if that future is still an option." During her vision, Rey had been almost certain that the hills were from the Lake Country on Naboo, where she had dreamed of raising her children one day…with Ben, and she rubbed at her bump, knowing…believing…wondering if that could ever again be a reality.

They closed up their containers of sweets and huddled down for the night, pillows and rolled up blankets shoved between their knees and under their inflating stomachs. Rey knew within an hour Rose would have all the blankets kicked off, complaining that her daughter couldn't decide if she wanted to freeze or expose her mother to heat stroke. But before they drifted, Rose reached out and grasped Rey's hand, "I want us to be in this together, but once my daughter is born, I will want to settle and I hope that you will stay with us. You have to make the Emperor understand that your path does not involve him."

Forcing a smile, Rey sniffled, "I couldn't do this without you Rose and I don't want to put you and your child in any more danger, so I will try."

When she watched her friend's eyes close and heard her breathing even out, Rey turned her face into her pillow and quietly sobbed herself to sleep.

Over the next few days that they stayed in orbit around Kalkovak, Rey and Rose both decide to chance it and head back to Takodana. If they were found again, Rey secretly planned to leave Rose behind, knowing that her friend would enjoy the thick forest and rolling hills, while she also hoped that Maz would be around to watch out for the new little family.

Planning to get one more nights rest before setting out across the galaxy, Rey was also plotting all of the off the path worlds that they could have layovers and refuel or trade for goods. They went to the bunk room like every other night, sandwiching pillowed between their bumps and drifted off easily with the excitement of their journey the next day.

A few hours into their sleep Rey woke to Rose's soft moans and she almost wanted to giggle at the fact that her friend was having a sex dream. If Rose was feeling any of the loneliness that Rey was, with her pregnancy hormones crying out for release, but each time that Rey spent a little more time in the fresher, her body hated that as she peaked, she was gripping around nothing instead of the thick and hot….

Rey shook her head, hoping to not need a cold shower, so instead, she lifted herself up on her elbow and peeked over the wall of pillows at her friend.

The pained expression written across Rose's face was concerning and then she saw that Rose was clutching her stomach and panting out breaths. "What's going on Rose?" Rey asked frantically.

She pinched her eyes together again, "I woke up to pain…it's dull but my stomach is so hard…"

Rey reached down without asking, they had been partners through all of the birthing classes and they had promised to do this together, and so Rey felt along Rose's middle and made the same summation, that in all likelihood Rose was going into labor.

"It's too early," Rose pleaded, knowing that she had over a month still to go.

Springing into action, as quickly as her twenty-seven week pregnant body would let her, Rey turned on the lights in the bunk room and started giving orders, "Make sure you are not bleeding and I will see what planet is close enough for us to safely stay for a while."

Rose sat up as another cramp ran across her abdomen and being completely unembarrassed, reached her hand under her nightgown, thankfully coming away with fingers clear of any bleeding. Rey smiled at this and bounced a few times in the doorway, "We're having a baby!"

"Don't say that!" Rose pressed her palms to each side of her stomach as the previous tightness subsided. "She needs more time…" tears started to well her eyes, "I need more time."

Rey crossed the room and kissed her friend on the forehead, just as she thought Finn would do at this moment to calm his wife before Rey set out to the cockpit to come up with a new plan.

Typing in the familiar comm code, Rey prayed that he was in his ship and that he could be trusted.

Within five minutes she had her answer and was pulling away from Kalkovak and hooking up to the Lesser Lantiillian Route and sped further into the Mid Rim. She checked on Rose every few minutes, mostly calling out from the cockpit and also instructed BB-8 to stay by Rose's side and report back with any changes. She blessed her misguided husband with gifting her this shuttle and they shot through hyperspace, veering to the left onto the Great Kashyyyk Branch and only had an hour left of their journey.

Rey had to blink as they came upon Kashyyyk, thinking that perhaps she had been impressed with the redwoods on Endor, but nothing would prepare her for her first glimpse at a Wroshyr tree. The city of Rwookrrorro was in the middle of a forest that seemed to stretch on for miles and Rey looked for the best opening to set down the shuttle.

There was a landing pad of sorts, a few other ships including the _Falcon_ were docked and Rey may have come in a little rough and thought she heard a pump on the landing gear go out. But she was ordering at BB-8 to finishing shutting down the shuttle as she dipped down to throw Rose's arm over her shoulder and help her friend stand and as they came to the main hold, BB-8 was there, lowering the hull door.

"Please," Rey cried out, holding up her hand that wasn't around Rose's back as she looked at the four Wookiees that were standing on the tarmac with bowcasters at the ready. "She needs medical attention right away!"

Chewbacca stepped forward, both calling out to his kinsmen, but also bellowing a greeting to Rey. Another Wookiee came up and easily picked Rose up in his arms, following the orders of a pale white female Wookiee who was rushing behind him up some stairs that led to a large tree village.

"Where are they taking her?" Rey asked Chewie.

" _Med-bay_ ," he came up and placed a furry hand on her shoulder to ease her concern.

Finally, the fatigue of their trek hit Rey and she swayed but allowed the Wookiee to steady her. "Thank you for answering my comm…we had nowhere else to go."

Chewie wrapped her in a hug, " _Perhaps we should get you checked out as well_?"

Pulling away from the endearing walking carpet, Rey rubbed at her belly, smoothing down her tunic and she felt that she had doubled in size in just under a week. "I think we are fine…just tired and hungry."

" _May I, Oralee_?" Chewie asked, calling her by the Shyriiwook word that means 'my light' and when Rey nodded, he placed his hairy hand upon her stomach. After a long and seemingly tender moment between the long lost friends, he sucked in a breath before whimpering, " _Little Ben_ …"

Rey's eyes went wide and she stepped away from his touch. "How did you…"

"J _ust because I can't lift rocks doesn't mean that the Force doesn't speak to the Wookiee. We are one with nature and it allows us to_ see _what others are too ignorant to perceive_."

She rushed forward, gripping at his long arms, "No one knows…Rose doesn't know…"

" _Ben doesn't know…_ " Chewie finished her thought with sadness in his large brown eyes and his shoulders slumped.

The Wookiee had practically raised Han and Leia's kid, having slightly more patience to put up with the sullen child as he turned into a moody teenager. Chewie had been watching Ben rule and he too thought that both Han and Leia would be proud, but a part of him had never forgiven Ben for killing his best friend…his brother.

Then he had heard about Dantooine, not that it was broadcasted over the holonews, but Chewie had always kept tabs on the group of rebels even after he had decided to return to his home. He had a son that he had neglected for years and after Han's death, he vowed to be around to ensure his offspring grew into a productive member of the tribe.

He looked back down at Rey in time to see her start to hyperventilate and then her eyes rolled back in her head before he caught her falling form in his arms and carried her towards the med-bay where Big Deal's wife Rose was being tended to.

Rey woke to the squawking of Wookiees speaking in Shyriiwook and her fuzzy brain tried to follow the conversation.

" _How is it that we are fortunate enough to have two pregnant humans in our care?_ " The female Wookiee that had been giving orders early was trying to speak quietly to Chewbacca.

" _They were with the Resistance, Loharra_ ," Chewie started. " _They are all that is left and this one_ ," he tilted his head towards Rey, " _is carrying a child of someone very dear to me_."

Thinking it rude to continue to eavesdrop, Rey made a groaning noise while propping herself up on her elbows, "How is Rose…how is her daughter?"

The white Wookiee came to kneel beside the girl's bed, " _Your friend is doing well. We were able to stop the labor but will need to monitor her closely over the next few weeks to ensure both of their survival_."

"Few weeks?" Rey asked, thinking that they were still too close to the area of the galaxy that Cale had found them in. If Ben was smart, and she knew that he was, he would surely think to look on Kashyyyk.

" _She can't be moved until the baby is born_ ," Loharra said with authority before turning and walking into the next room.

Rey finally took in her surrounding, the inside of the med-bay was nothing like that of a starship or even the Resistance base. The hut was made of local wood with a thatched roof. The bed was also carved from the same wood, and she almost laughed at how out of place the modern medical equipment looked.

But then she looked over at the monitor and saw her baby's heartbeat ticking across a screen, strong and beautifully alive. "It's a boy…" she said just above a whisper, still looking at the monitor and not turning to see the most likely sorrowful expression on Chewie's face.

" _How did this happen, Oralee_?"

Sitting up and starting to pull the band off of her stomach, Rey then stood, "Not here. Is there somewhere private we can go?"

Chewie held out his paw, palm down, and like many times with Ben, Rey placed her hand atop his and he shrugged, " _I spent too much time around a Princess_."

Rey offered a soft giggle and let him lead her out of the med-bay and they started to ascend stairs…lots and lots of stairs. They finally came to one of the highest platforms, set out on a strong branch near the top of the tree and from up there, Rey could see the brilliant colors of a setting sun over Kashyyyk.

He poured her some natural and unsweetened tea and they sat upon an item of furniture that looked like a daybed but was simply a couch to the large native species. "Where do I even start?"

Gesturing towards her stomach, Chewie let out a remorseful groan, " _Please just tell me that the child is not the product of a situation that my nephew forced upon you…_ "

Pinching her brows together, Rey tried to make out his meaning, while she was still quick thinking in a crisis, she swore this child of hers was draining her brain cells, but her mouth fell into an O shape and she started to fiercely shake her head. "No…No, nothing like that." She looked down at her hands that were cradled around her swollen stomach before peering back up at her large friend, "Ben and I…" She swallowed the lump in her throat and on instinct, reached for the rings that no longer rested around her neck, "Ben and I are married."

The Wookiee was quieter that she imagined he would be with such news, but perhaps it was in stunned silence as she watched his mouth open and close a few times as if the ability to speak had been taken from him.

" _Maybe we need to start at the beginning…_ " Chewie finally found his voice and reached a comforting hand out to rest upon Rey's hands that had started to twist in her lap.

Rey confessed the entire besotted tale. She felt comforted that she didn't have to overly illustrate the Force Bond that she once shared with Ben, as the Wookiee had lived around those wise to the Force for many years. He barked out laughter when she gave a soft and sorrowful giggle at some of their more happy times and he wiped at her tears when she spoke of Ben's betrayal, the fur of Chewie's hands tickling her nose causing them to both laugh again.

Chewie was patient, allowing her to speak at her own rate. The sun had gone down and the lights around the village were lit. Another Wookiee had delivered them some simple finger foods and fresh tea. Rey was practically yawning as she reached the part where she had cried while wounding Cale back on Lianna.

" _You shouldn't keep the child from him, Oralee._ " He watched her slouch with exhaustion and he didn't want a repeat of her fainting from earlier. " _We will talk more in the morning after you have rested, but please consider giving my nephew the option to be a father to his son_." Chewie knew, both from personal experience and also from watching Ben grow, that every boy needs his father.

She was led back down the stairs to a lower level with a row of sleeping huts and Chewie showed her to one near the end, " _I'm right next door if you need me_."

With a tired but thankful smile, Rey disappeared into her hut. The bed was large, sized to fit a Wookiee, but it was more comfortable than the buck room on the shuttle and she only took off her boots before falling into the plush mattress. She would need to get her things from the ship tomorrow but that all could wait.

As exhausted as she was, Rey tossed and turned, looking at the bare wood walls of the hut as she thought over Chewie's parting words. It had been cathartic to tell her story, to let another living soul know that her heart had once belonged to Ben Solo and that it was truly his child she was carrying.

Chewie had helped raise Ben and she mused that maybe the Wookiee knew her husband's heart better than Rey ever could. She had seen flashbacks of his past, his fights with his parents, the betrayals of his family, but Chewie had lived through it with his Little Ben and his pleading words for Rey to tell Ben about their child seemed to echo on a loop through her mind.

He asked her to give Ben the option to be a father, but in Rey's head, thinking back to that awful day on Dantooine, he had given up that right by being a murderer of not only men but woman and children. She now perhaps understood Padmé despair, about Anakin turning to the Darkside, and no matter the reason, it had broken her sprite…her will to live on, even for the sake of her children.

No…Rey was stronger. She had live on her own before, she had survived, and she could survive this…she could survive Ben.

So with her stubborn resolve firmly in place, Rey fell asleep to the sounds of Kashyyyk and the gentle sway of the tree-bound huts.

* * *

A week passed and Rey had settled into a routine. She would wake with the sun, take breakfast to Rose who was on confinement and bedrest in the med-bay, then she would spend most of the late morning and early afternoon exploring the forest around Rwookrrorro. Chewie had fitted her with a bracelet comm, stating that it was easy to get turned around in the woods and he didn't want her getting lost.

She was thankful for the sentiment, but being away from a larger city, and also not having to hide the fact that she wielded sabers, Rey enjoyed taking back up the practice of her forms. Her body was a little out of shape, and the roundness of her belly was something she had to accommodate for, but she quickly sunk back into the rhythm of forms and the buzz of her hilts in her firm grip.

But it wasn't the same…being disconnected from the Force left the experience lacking. Sure anyone could ignite a saber and swing it around, Finn had against Kylo Ren on Starkiller, but she had connected to her kybers, she had molded them, set them, poured her light into them, and that feeling was painfully absent. It also seemed that the more she started to doubt her rash decision to leave Ben, to turn away from the Force, the more she felt the agony of the space in her heart that he used to occupy.

When she had severed the bond, she had to change her feelings about her bond-mate, she had to find him irredeemable and forfeit her love and respect for him. But the doubt was eating at her and with it, her feelings from the past seeped in around the cracks in her resolve and in her broken heart, which made the entire situation all the more painful.

Chewie found her in a small clearing late one afternoon, standing back for a long moment watching Rey wield her double hilts and only called out once she stopped to adjust her stance, " _Looking good, Oralee_."

Panting for breath and wiping sweat from her brow with the back of her arm that was covered in her traditional linen wraps, Rey replied, "Thanks Chewie! I've felt so stagnant for months."

Not one to ever be easy or even tactful, the Wookiee got straight to the point, " _Have you given any more thought to what we discussed the other night_?"

Extinguishing the blue blades of her sabers, Rey looked at the bases of the hilts where Ben had etched the words that she has been so willing to believe, where he had placed her starlight and his heart. She ran her thumb over the stones before shivering and snapping the hilts back together, hiding his private declaration away once again. "I have," she slipped the saberstaff back into its holster. "But I still need time."

Gesturing to her stomach, " _It appears that you may not have much time left…_ "

Just then her son seemed to perform a perfect summersault in her womb before kicking up into her ribs. She wasn't sure if he was excited at the prospect of having his father around or punishing her for keeping them apart. But she rubbed at her stomach and cooed down at her little bean that seemed to demand more and more of her attention as the days passed.

Thankfully Chewie didn't bring it up again and that night she curled up in the oversized Wookiee sized bed in the med-bay with Rose. They did this a few times a week, missing the cramped bunk room in the shuttle and as they curled around pillows, their bellies finally large enough to touch in the middle, Rey fought with the decision of to stay with Rose or keep running, to go out alone or to go home…

On day one hundred and fifty-eight, at thirty-six weeks and one day, Rose's blood pressure spiked and Loharra stared to worry about the safety of Rose and her baby. So the expected mother was induced and after just four hours of labor, Rose gave birth to a beautiful and healthy, if not a little chubby, baby girl.

Rey marveled at Rose's strength, how even though she cried, pleaded that she would have given anything for Finn to be there, she had forged on and delivered her child without much issue. Within the hour the baby with caramel skin and tight dark curls was wrapped in a blanket and suckling happily at her mother's breast.

"She's beautiful," Rey cooed, reaching out to touch the tiny hand that rested upon Rose's chest.

"Well, of course, she is," Rose said in a sing-song voice. "Look who her mama is."

They both giggled and lounged back in the bed, "What are you going to name her?" Rey questioned.

"I once told you that if Finn and I ever had a daughter I would name her after the two strongest women I know…"

Looking up from the babe, Rey made eye contact when her dear friend, tears already threatening to spill. "I remember…" That had been when Rey lied about going to the temple on Ahch-To…after Leia died. It was the first time she had gone to Ben on Mygeeto…it was the first of many lies that she would tell to have her secret relationship with her equal in the Force.

"So may I present your Goddaughter, Rylea Violet Fel."

Rey let the tears spill down her face as she looked back down at the little girl who was quickly falling asleep. She was so small, so fragile, yet as she curled up on Rose's chest, pressed against her mother's warm skin and shielded from the world by one of the hand knitted blanket that Rey had pulled off the shuttle, Rey could tell that Rylea felt safe and loved already.

Right then she knew that she could never leave Rose but she also knew that she couldn't put them in any other danger by continuing to run from Kylo Ren. Rey would have to face her demons sooner rather than later.

So reaching out once more to stroke the soft curls on the crown of the baby's head, Rey whispered, "I am so glad to finally meet you, Rylea."

* * *

**AN: Thank you to everyone for waiting a little longer for this chapter...I may have been distracted by writing some kink (Bonded).**

**But I am back on this train and we finally have a BABY! Gods I thought this would never come! Can we all just try to think of a Wookiee delivering a baby out of Rose...fun times. Thank you to my Muse for answering all of my weird mom and childbirth questions as I only have fur-children.**

**Let me know your thoughts...you all have no idea how much some of your comments influence what happens in this (TUB also) story. I think we have one maybe two more chapters before I bring our star-crossed lovers back together...or at least in the same room as each other...**

 

 

 


	4. Part IV

**Part IV**

 

Ben cursed as yet another system turned up with no sight of Rey or Rose. He was slightly comforted when Arlan told him that Rey was not traveling alone and perhaps understood a little more of Rey’s reason to run in the first place when learning of Roes’s furthering pregnancy.

 

His fiercely loyal and protective wife…after seeing the horror and carnage on Dantooine, the base littered with bodies, men, women…children, the images haunted his dreams more than any of his other dark deeds. When he was on missions, he had a sense of purpose, that perhaps each life lost would spare more down the line. But what happened on that humid world in the Raioballo sector was senseless, an order given by an evil man seeking blind vengeance and the burden of power.

 

Over the past few weeks he had been trying tirelessly to understand Rey, but after seeing Cale plead for her to understand after she heard that her husband had no hand in the betrayal, she still would not believe. This fact continued to tear at him, flay him again and again, the wound that she left on him festered each day that passed. 

 

The Outer Rim in this part of the galaxy was vast and some sectors were so densely packed with planets that Ben was quickly becoming panicked and worst of all, he was starting to feel hopeless.

 

He was back on the _Serenity_ just outside of Yavin. He hated making these small diversions, but there was still a galaxy to run and he had been lacking in those duties for months now. So he sat in a dull conference room, thankfully not the same one where he had last brought his wife to pleasure but was identical none the less, and he rested his heavy head upon his fingertips as he listened to his councilmen and advisors drone on.

 

Ben was only drawn from his inner musings when he heard the shrill voice of his Head of Public Affairs, Thartan Korne. “We must discuss the matter of the Empress…”

 

“What of her,” Ren now sat up straight in his chair, his full and dark attention on Korne.

 

Thartan Korne was a short man with perfectly quaffed auburn hair who was a few years his Emperor’s senior. He hailed from Broest, a small world from within the Core, and going back generations, Korne’s grandparents were always friendly with Alderaan and it’s royals. Thartan’s family owned many of the fields that grew and supplied the lost world with ruica seeds, a grain that Bail Organa had to make up silly stories about in order to get his particular daughter to eat.

 

But now under the intense gaze of the Emperor, Thartan started to sweat and he flipped through papers as if he had forgotten what he was planning to say, finally stuttering out, “It has come to the attention of this council and the galaxy at large that you have taken a wife.”

 

“It is none of your business…none of their damn business.”

 

“Forgiveness Emperor Ren,” Korne bowed his head even though he was seated, “You were photographed with a mystery woman on many occasions, known to put off matters of state to lock yourself away with her or cruise around the galaxy with her, and then there is the ring that you have made no motions to conceal.”

 

Ben twisted the warm gold around his finger absentmindedly, a habit that he had obtained over the past hundred and seventy-five days, “I will only ask once more. What of her?”

 

Korne looked around the room to see if he had any support, only a few others would meet his gaze, but he squared his shoulders before speaking again, “Your people are demanding to see their Empress.”

 

“Demanding,” Ren darkly chuckled. “Alister,” he addressed his first Knight, but did not break eye contact with Korne, “what happened to the last person who demanded something of me…”

 

“If you are speaking of your wife Master, then the answer is you placed a crown upon her head, but if your meaning is the disgraced General Hux, then as I have witnessed, you separated his head from his body.” Alister couldn’t help the small smirk that pulled at his lips as he stood at his Master’s right shoulder. 

 

The clear threat made Korne prickle more so with irritation than fear, which was most likely an idiotic reaction on his part, but he had just as much right as any other counselor to bring the cries of the people to their Emperor’s attention. “The galaxy is curious,” Korne started. “You have opened schools and hospitals in her name. You have commissioned a great Destroyer for your commonwealth tour. Her name was penned at the bottom of the peace treaty that never came to be.”

 

“Your point?” Ren was growing tired of this line of inquiry.

 

“You are Emperor and you clearly have taken an Empress. Your people want to know the woman who will rule at your side. Speaking quite frankly, they want to know the woman who was able to tame the fearsome Kylo Ren.”

 

“Tamed…” he snorted.

 

“You name her the Empress of the People yet keep her from the people she has vowed to lead,” Korne’s voice was now raised, tired of making his point again and again to only be met with mockery. “Many on this council don’t even know what she looks like!”

 

“My wife,” Ren's voice was booming in the small room, “your Empress is currently indisposed.”

 

“You mean missing,” Korne found his backbone sometime during their debate.

 

Kylo gritted his teeth, it was no longer a secret why he was scouring the Mid and Outer Rim for months on end. “I will find her, she will return…”

 

“But in the meantime, if I may be so bold to suggest, you should take a double as your bride.”

 

The expression on Ren’s face was nothing short of dumbfounded before his gaze went narrow, “A what?”

 

“A woman who looks like your wife can be found and she can stand in for some appearances…”

 

“How dare you insult…” Kylo seethed. 

 

“We aren’t suggesting that you take her in all ways you would your wife…sir…” Korne was back to sweating now.

 

In an action quicker than Alister could reach out a hand to steady his Master, Ren was on his feet, had his saber in his grip, the blade snapped to life and pointed at the now utterly terrified face of his soon to be dismissed Head of Public Affairs. “My wife will not be replaced, she will not be impersonated, I will not dishonor my vows with such a scheme, and now that you have spoken of your Empress beyond reproach, I suggest you leave before you meet the same fate as our arduous Hux.”

 

Korne tried to steady his voice before he spoke again, but first, he pushed his chair back, making sure not to move his upper body since the spitting plasma blade was still poised at his neck. Only when he went to stand, taking a step back, Korne gave a slight bow, “Forgiveness, Emperor Ren.”

 

“You will not ask my forgiveness for such an idea, but when your Empress has returned, and she will return, you shall beg it from her.”

 

There was a sound as if the air was being sucked from the room but it was only the disengagement of the saber blade and Korne sighed as he bowed again, “Thank your Emperor for making my errors so clearly known and I hardily await being able to have an audience with her Imperial Majesty and express my sincerest apologies.”

 

Clipping his saber back onto his belt, Ren watched Korne leave the room and finally, his first Knight placed a hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you take a few minutes.”

 

“We will reconvene in twenty minutes,” Ren muttered under his breath, hating that he was being dismissed like a child after a tantrum, but he had just held his lightsaber to a councilman’s neck. So he stalked from the room and as if his feet were acting for themselves, he ended up in the library.

 

If the conference room wasn’t enough of a reminder of Rey, this room surely was. He could close his eyes and see her padding across the room completely nude, he saw the Jedi texts that she had gifted him when they first met upon this ship, he ran his hands along the bookcase that she had pinned him against, kneeling before him only for that act.

 

Then there was the reading cubby, and as he walked beneath the arch, he almost felt as if he could smell her on the air, as he remembered bringing her to breathy moans upon the chaise. Falling back onto the low couch he let out a deep sigh and cupped his tired head in his hands.

 

Since leaving Lianna he had only been able to focus long enough to meditate a few times, but now he let his mind drift, reaching out with the Force to the small piece of him that thankfully Rey was still carrying around with her.

 

This time it wasn’t just a blip of light from across the galaxy, it was a rush of feeling and something that he had never experienced with connecting to a kyber in the past. He felt warm and loved…safe…it was all very dark but then he started to hear something. Ben almost started weeping as he picked out the slightly deeper tone of Rey’s voice, but he couldn’t make out the words, as if he was listening to them from underwater.

 

But that wasn’t what set him into action. In reply to Rey’s kind voice was the cry of a Wookiee…wait, not just one…but many.

 

Ben sat up quickly, “Kashyyyk…of course. How could I be so stupid.”

 

So on day one hundred and seventy-five he bypassed the rest of the meeting, calling to Alister through the Force and gathering some of his Knights and guards on to the MK3 to make the quick trip down to the homeward of the Wookiee.

 

* * *

 

The bright sun was just starting to set over Rwookrrorro and the torches and lanterns were lit as Rey and Rose walked down to the village gathering hut where many of the Wookiee would dine together. Loharra had fashioned a papoose of sorts so that Rylea could be strapped to her mother’s chest and Rose had full use of her hands.

 

They spoke happily of watching the babe grow each day and now at just over two weeks old, Rose was swearing that her daughter was already smiling. “She’s only laughing at your horrid singing,” Rey shot back with a playful jest.

 

“I sing like an angel,” Rose shot back by stroking her daughter’s hair, “You, on the other hand, I’ll be surprised if your boy isn’t born tone deaf.”

 

Rey was just about to fire off a retort, when Chewie came lumbering up to them, “ _An_ Upsilon _-class Command Shuttle was just seen entering the Lantillian sector and there is no doubt that it is headed for Kashyyyk_.”

 

Looking up at who had become her closest confessor over the past few weeks, Rey was in shocked silence. She knew that staying so close was a risk, but she didn’t expect Kylo to find them so quickly. Thanking the Maker that she had fixed the landing gear on the shuttle when they had first arrived, Rey took a brief moment to think of what she should do.

 

Her son flipped within her womb and she winched in discomfort. Perhaps if she was still connected to the Force and to the signature of her child, she would have felt that he was calling out to his father across the stars, wishing to bring him home and that he was squirming in joy over the feeling of a strong wave in the Force moving closer and closer.

 

But she was not connected to the Force and she took the pain as an omen, “We need to go,” she started before turning to Rose, “I need to go. I won’t ask you flee with me with Rylea so young, but Kylo Ren is on his way here, now.”

 

Rose looked between her daughter and her best friend. “I will go with you this one last time,” she watched Rey’s shoulders visibly relax with her agreement. “But only because sooner rather than later, your boy is going to come and I won’t let you do that alone. You still have to tell Kylo to back off and you have to promise that we will settle soon.”

 

Thankful that Rose only knew some Shyriiwook, Rey narrowed her eyes at Chewie as he reminded her that Ben deserved better than being lied to about the child, but she just turned back to Rose, nodded, and ordered her to go gather everything they would need for a quick departure.

 

Rushing off to her own quarters, Rey was only slightly annoyed that Chewie had followed, “ _You have to try to forgive him_.”

 

“I wasn’t aware that you were in any position to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do,” Rey shot back but immediately felt horrible when she saw the wounded look on her dear friend’s face.

 

“ _Ben killed Han_ ,” Chewie stated plainly. “ _We all witnessed it, and while his intentions may have been influenced by Snoke and the Darkside of the Force, it was Ben’s hand that ran Han through…his own father…my best friend_.” 

 

“I am aware,” Rey shot back while she shoved her clothes and some other personal belongings into a bag. “We made peace with our pasts and I forgave him for that a long time ago.”

 

“ _Yet you punish him for something that I think we both don’t believe he did…_ ”

 

“You don’t know what you are talking about Chewie.”

 

“ _Oralee, how is this any different? Why are your compassion and forgiveness not to be given in this case?_ ”

 

“I liked Han…but barely knew him. What happened on Dantooine, what the New Order brought upon the Resistance is different. Those were my friends, Finn was about to be a father, there were children there!”

 

“ _I just want to make sure you know what you are doing by continuing to run…_ ”

 

“I am keeping myself and my child safe.”

 

“ _It is my hope that while you are not able to give your own forgiveness and understanding, that perhaps Ben will be kinder when you meet again._ ”

 

This gave Rey pause and she turned back towards the Wookiee when she was throwing the bag over her shoulder, “What do you mean?”

 

“ _You ran without knowing the whole story, wounded a Knight of Ren, betrayed your vows to your husband and to the galaxy, but most of all, you have kept the child from Ben and I fear that will not bode well_.”

 

She wanted to curse the big fur ball, for what had been keeping her up most a night was the horrible fact that she didn’t know how she could go back to Ben now. If all of the voices of reason that she was constantly pushing away were right, that she had royally overreacted and was now running from a man that had done nothing but love, accept, and understand her, she didn’t know how she would live with herself, let alone how Ben would ever forgive her.

 

At this point, she was more scared to think of a future with Ben than without him. It would be easier to run than to stay and face him and perhaps that made her a coward, but she wasn’t going to stay around long enough to find out.

 

“I will take what you have said into consideration and I thank you and value your friendship Chewie, but I have to do this right now. I feel it in my gut…literally, that I can’t see him yet.”

 

“ _You will always have my love, Oralee, but so will Ben_.”

 

Rey teared up, knowing that Chewie’s friendship was never hers to have…completely that is. “You won’t tell him…if you see him…about the baby. Will you?”

 

“ _It is not my place and I leave that burden only to you_.”

 

Maybe if Rey was more level headed, she would have heard the strong warning in his words, but she was just relieved that her secret would remain. Stopping once more out on the deck outside of their sleeping quarters, Rey looked over the village that had taken them in during their most desperate hour, and her chest hurt all the more.

 

“Thank you, Chewie, for answering my comm, for helping Rose and Rylea, for listening and being a friend even though I suppose I don’t really deserve one as kind as you at the current moment.”

 

“ _We all find ourselves lost at some point in our lives_ ,” he reached out and stroked along her now wet cheek. “ _Just try to make sure that you are not adrift for so long that you forget your way back home_.”

 

Rey cried all the way down to the landing area, pleased to see that Rose and BB-8 were already at the shuttle. “If something happens to me, make sure Rose gets someplace safe.”

 

“ _Nothing will happen to you, my dear Oralee. Just keep an eye on my great nephew and you must comm me when he finally arrives._ ”

 

“Who else will teach him how to misbehave?” Rey joked through her tears.

 

“ _If he is anything like his father, then he won’t need any my help in that department_.” 

Rey groaned, “What am I getting myself into Chewie?”

 

“ _A family, like you have always wanted. I just wish you wouldn’t leave it so broken_.”

 

She had no reply, having heard his pleading for over a month now, so Rey just nodded and boarded the shuttle. She waved and blew the Wookiee a kiss as the hull door. Thankful they had the cover of night to their advantage and with Rose settled into the co-pilot seat, Rylea nursing happily and completely unaware of the secret that Rey continued running from.

 

* * *

 

It was the dead of night when they came upon Kashyyyk and Ben took over the controls, knowing exactly where his uncle’s village lay within the thick forests of Wroshyr trees. As the wings of the MK3 started to fold, he spotted the _Falcon_ out of the red-tinted windscreen.

 

Throwing off his harness, Ben walked with intentional strides and was not surprised to find the solitary Wookiee waiting for him. Knights and guards followed down the ramp, at the ready to help their Emperor if this was an ambush, but Ben walked right up to the fur covered creature that stood well over a foot taller than him.

 

“ _Little Ben_ ,” the Wookiee offered. 

 

Jix who was the Knight most fluent in Shyriiwook, gave a couching chuckle at the endearment, but at the simple combination of a squawk and a grunt, Ben felt some of the stress of the day fade. “Uncle…”

 

Apart from Irris who Ben had just reconnected with after being freed from Snoke’s hold, Chewie was the only member of his family that had not completely disappointed him growing up. Ben wore the bowcaster scar at his flank with pride, it was a testament to the love that the walking carpet still held for him, even after performing the most unthinkable deed, for he knew Chewie’s aim, and if the intent had been to end Kylo Ren’s miserable existence, he could easily.

 

“Is she…” the question burned out in his dry mouth.

 

“ _Your wife was here_ ,” even with the pieces of information that he would have to withhold, Chewie planned to provide Ben with as much information as he could with the hope to bring the foolish kids back together sooner.

 

Ben’s brows creased, “She told you?”

 

“ _I know everything, and I must say…she could have done better_ ,” Chewie tried to lighten the mood with the slight dig and by ruffling his hand into Ben’s hair.

 

Now, most of the Knight and guards were trying to hide giggles while watching their Master and Emperor be manhandled like a small boy. But Ben just gave a tired smile, “You know us Solo men…bound to screw up handsomely at some point in our marriages. I just hoped that it would not have happened so soon.”

 

Chewie just called out sympathetically before tipping his head in a gesture to ask Ben to follow. Arlan stepped forward, “What about Rose?”

 

The Wookiee turned his head back over his shoulder, “ _Had a little girl about two weeks ago. Named her Rylea. Such a sweet babe_.”

 

Arlan turned to Jix who translated for her, “They are on the run with a two-week old baby? Are they mad? What is Rey thinking?”

 

“That is exactly what I have been trying to figure out this entire time,” Ben answered as he continued to follow his uncle up towards the tree village.

 

Cander and Davin stayed with the shuttle but the other two Knights and Arlan would have accommodations up in the Wroshyr tree. Chewie gestured to a few rooms before calling for Ben and they walked into the room directly next to the Wookiee’s.

 

Rey’s scent hit him like an iron fist and he wanted to crumple to his knees. He was so close, perhaps only missing her by hours…minutes and he mused if he was to run his hands along the bed if her warmth would still be there.

 

“What happened?” Ben asked helplessly.

 

“ _Rose went into labor early and Rey asked for our help._ ”

 

“How long have they been here?”

 

“J _ust over a month._ ”

 

Ben rounded, “And you didn’t think to contact me?”

 

“ _Oralee asked us not to_ ,” Chewie offered with a just as helpless shrug.

 

“Oralee…” Ben said with some curiosity.

 

“ _It means…_ ”

 

“I know what it means, but I wonder if there is any Light left in her.” Ben sank into the bed, sitting over the edge and his posture showed just how tired he was.

 

Chewie came over and sat next to his nephew, wrapping a long and hair covered arm around his shoulders. He used to have to console Ben like this back what seemed like a lifetime ago. When Han and Leia were off with the Rebels and left their son with the Wookiee for months at a time. “ _What happened on Dantooine_?” Even if Rey wasn’t willing to listen, Chewie would always be there for his Little Ben.

 

“It was Hux,” was the simplest answer. “He found out about Rey and the treaty. He knew where the Resistance base was and he wanted to destroy me…which I suppose he has.”

 

Taking in a large breath, Ben let the comforting presence of his uncle wash over him and he let all of his fears rush out, “Am I so horrible…have I done such irredeemable things that she would think me capable of what happened on Dantooine?” He looked up into the warm brown eyes of the Wookiee who did not offer a reply, just sat and listened. “I thought that I had reconciled with the Force and that it would allow us this happiness, because Chewie, we were so happy. But I fear this is just another penance for the life that I chose to live.”

 

“ _You are not the only one to blame…Oralee has made her choices in this as well, I just hope that she can live with the consequences once she comes to her senses_.” 

 

“So she still thinks that I am guilty of this massacre?”

 

“ _I think she is a scared girl who is now doubting her choice and doesn’t know how to come back from such a betrayal. So much so, that perhaps she is still rationalizing her need to run._ ”

 

“I would like to be able to say that she could just come home…but she has hurt me in the worst possible way…” Ben was looking down at his hands in his lap and didn’t notice the cringe that crossed the Wookiee’s face. “This has been worse than when Han left, when my mother pushed me aside, when Luke raised his saber at me in the night…worse than Snoke’s _teachings_. I think killing my father was less painful than living each day with this giant hole in my chest.”

 

Chewie let out a soft cry at the mention of Han, but as he had told Rey, he had granted his forgiveness and now could only help his nephew through this most difficult time. “ _I’m proud of you Ben_ ,” was what he decided to offer.

 

“What?” Ben looked up with such confusion. He didn’t deserve this from Chewie, not after everything he had done.

 

“ _You shed the control Snoke had over you, you found your Light, started doing so much good for the galaxy, and even through all of your current agony, you have not turned back to the Darkside_.”

 

Ben gave a discrediting snort, “I won’t lie and say that it hasn’t been tempting. When Rey tired to kill me, shut herself off to the Force and turned away from our bond…when I cut down Hux, I wanted to fall into the darkness, I wanted to be consumed by it. If I could give that pain back to the Darkside then perhaps I didn’t have to feel it every fucking day…” His shoulders started to shake with the beginning of silent sobs.

 

Chewie wanted to say to hell with it all, comm Rey, find her and hold her captive himself so that he could make her see what she had done. He wanted to tell Ben about the son that Rey was carrying…he wanted to tell him everything just in the attempt to ease some of the boy’s suffering. But he just tighten his arm around Ben’s shoulders and like so many other times when he was a child, Chewie let Ben cry into the soft fur of his chest.

 

With a promise to talk further the next day, Ben fell asleep in the bed that Rey had occupied just the night before. He could smell her on the sheets and buried his face into the pillow. He thought back to the beginning of their courtship when she had hit him in the face with her pillow and he was able to keep it through the bond. Or how each time she left him, he would fall sleep in their bed alone, clutching something that smelled of her to his chest.

 

He missed her warmth and her light and although the dark voices continued to whisper in the back of his mind, trying to make him believe that Rey had never truly loved him…

 

_Your parents left you, your uncle tried to kill you, no one will ever want you boy…_

 

No one would ever know, not Chewie, not his Knights, not even Rey…they would never know how absolutely tirelessly Ben worked to keep the Darkness at bay. The words of his mother, grandfather, and now his uncle Chewie continued to give him hope…but what Rey had done…what she continued to do, he doubted that their relationship would ever be what it was…what it could have been if Dantooine never happened.

 

That night he dreamed of her, but it was not a kind dream. There were no wistful eyes and longing gazes. There were no sweet names called or expanses of flesh to be bared. There was only agony and despair. Rey’s face was twisted in pain, sweat painted her brow, and tears shining in her bloodshot hazel eyes.

 

Rey cried out for him with whimpers and pleas, he felt her distress and the distress of another. His heart twisted, her pain was his to bear through this dream…or was it a vision brought on by the Force.

 

As he woke with a start, he felt wetness on his cheeks as well and he scrubbed his face into the cotton case of the pillow. The Force was not one to often show him visions, that gift belonged to Rey. Ben remembered how with just a touch, she could pull memories from objects. It has happened with Anakin’s saber and with the jewel of his grandmother. 

 

He prayed to the Maker that this dream would never come to be. As much as he wished that Rey would share in just an ounce of the suffering that he had endured these past few months, the agony on her features was beyond his dark desires for emotional revenge.

 

With that thought, he mused that he would continue his search for his wife, even though she had shown time and time again that she did not want to be found…did not want to come home…did not want him. But if this was a vision of what was to come, he wouldn’t allow her to undergo such suffering alone.

* * *

**AN: I think one more chapter before they come face to face again...I hope to have that out by this weekend but we shall see how this week plays out with work.**

**What do we think about Chewie and Ben seeing each other again? Leave me some love...or your long thoughts...because truly, how emotionally invested all of you are in this with me is freaking amazing!**

 

 

 

 


	5. Part V

**Part V**

 

 

The Randon Run was thankfully not congested and the hyperdrive of the shuttle hummed perfectly as they sped away from Kashyyyk. Since they departed at night time, Rylea quickly got cranky so Rose and her daughter retired to the bunk room. The baby would still wake every few hours to be fed, but Rose had been up all day helping some of the Wookiees tend to some machinery and she too was exhausted.

 

Rey was thankful that Rose was not in the cockpit when she changed course, heading further east down the Pabol Sleheyron Trade Route…directly through the northern points of Hutt Space.

 

It was common knowledge that Hutt Space was dangerous, even with Kylo Ren’s efforts to eradicate the cartels and gangsters, the Hutts were still ruthless and over the past year became even more desperate to keep control of their territory. Rose would kill her if she knew Rey was taking them through Hutt Space, with it’s pirates and thugs, their ship would be easy pickings and while Rey continued to work through her forms, she was still shut off from the Force and her body did not move as swiftly as it used too.

 

With the alone time to think as the stars of hyperspace whizzed by, Rey now saw how foolish it was to run this time. Rylea was so small and Rose was still recovering, and due to Rey’s selfishness, her clearly flawed and distorted way of thinking, and her inability to admit when enough was enough…she was putting them in more danger than she would ever admit.

 

Rey heard Rylea cry a few time through the night, but Rose did not come back up to the cockpit until they were out of the last spear of Hutt Space and merging south onto the Triellus Trade Route to a small world that was close to the border of Wild Space in the Kessel sector.

 

Remembering Han boasting about making the Kessel Run in under twelve parsecs made Rey’s heart hurt for just a moment and she thought back to her conversation with Chewie before she left Kashyyyk. How the Wookiee had forgiven Ben for killing Han and how through the bond, she was privy to the intimate knowledge of every emotion, every ounce of conflict and struggle Ben had undertaken before making that ultimate decision.

 

His Master called him weak, but Rey was the catalyst for the conflict in Kylo and she saw from Ben’s past with Snoke, that weakness was met with pain and suffering. At twenty-nine Kylo Ren was still a boy disappointed those he just wished would love him. He wallowed in rage, pleading with his Master, whispering in confusion laced with hurt, that he had given everything to the Darkside, yet it was never enough.

 

Ben felt as if he was never enough….and at this thought, Rey realized that she also turned her back, ran, shunned, and in glorious fashion, had shown Ben that he again was not good enough for her…for their son, the family they dreamed of and created, she started to sob uncontrollably at the helm.

 

She played it off as pregnancy mood swings when Rose offered comfort. Rey longed for an ounce of Rose’s strength as she watched mother and child, coping, surviving, living, just the two of them. Yes, Rose called out for Finn during labor, tried to reason with the Maker, begging for father and daughter to have met just once in this life. But all of that made Rey feel…wrong…that she was intentionally making herself and her child go through this alone.

 

Rey pulled the ship out of hyperspace just as her son was readjusting in her womb, pressing his head painfully into her hip and his foot up into her ribs. “This kid is already trouble,” she mumbled under her breath while wincing and pressing her hand to her side.

 

The world that they came upon was named Eadu and even though they were on the light side of the planet, it seemed like the whole northern hemisphere was engulfed in a storm that would be unavoidable. She turned on a scanner that would show where larger numbers of living creatures were gathered, hopefully leading them to a larger village where they could rest, gather supplies, and perhaps stay long enough to assure that Rylea was strong enough to make a galaxy-wide trip to Takodana.

 

Heat sensors picked up a very large gathering of bodies in the thick of the storm and Rey set the shuttle down about a hundred yards outside of the grouping, hoping to not land on any dwellings.

 

As the thrusters wound down and Rose moved Rylea to the other breast, Rey looked down at the data screen again and cursed, “Nerfs…” On the screen, she could see the perfect outline of the giant but gentle beasts. They were not near a village at all…just in the middle of a massive nerf herd.

 

“We will hunker down here for the night and then see if we can find a settlement when the weather clears up,” Rey said as she shut down the rest of the engines but kept the power and life support systems on.

 

They ate a simple meal of rehydrated bread and some fruits from Kashyyyk that Rose had stashed aboard the shuttle. It was times like this that made Rey really wonder who was the scavenger in their strange but perfect little family and Rey promised Rose that they would wait until Rylea was a little older and then they would find a world to settle on, come hell or high water…or come the bitter truth or the ruthless judgment of Emperor Kylo Ren.

 

The storm raged on and they fell asleep to the pelting rain and the distant bellows of the nerfs.

 

Rey was woken by the sound of something hitting against the side of the ship and she cursed, grabbing her saberstaff and prayed that the damn nerfs weren’t using the hull for battering practice. Letting her sabers sit in the holster at her back, she kept one hand on the hilts as she lowered the hull door.

 

The sun was out and light streamed into the main hold making Rey shielded her eyes as the landscape that they came upon unfolded before her. They were in a large field safeguarded by rocky cliffs and uprisings that reminded her strangely of Ahch-To. Gazing around quickly before the door was completely open, Rey saw just how many nerf surrounded them and their stink hit her like a brick wall. But as the hydraulics hissed when the door came to rest, she looked down upon an older human woman, wrapped in earth tone rags that gathered around a tattered skirt and well-worn boots.

 

“Hello,” the woman said with a curious tilt of her head.

 

Rey sighed in surprised relief and released her hand from her hilts. “Hello,” she replied simply.

 

They studied each other for a long moment before Rose came up behind Rey, Rylea cradled in her arms. “Oh Canaan,” the older woman spoke in alarm, “What are you dears doing this far out in the Rim with such a small babe and clearly expecting another soon?”

 

Even without the Force to guide her, Rey felt that she trusted this woman immediately. If for a moment she thought that Leia was motherly, the kindness in the old woman’s eyes would make the late General seem cold and calculating. So Rey saw no reason to lie…well to at least tell the truth that Rey had twisted over the past several months.

 

“We are war widows,” Rose spoke up.

 

“And only need a place to stay long enough for the child to be strong enough to make it to Takodana,” Rey added. “We are handy with fixing machines and are used to hard work if you know of anyone willing to exchange lodging for labor.”

 

The old woman’s face wore a concerned expression, but her brilliant blue eyes were also filled with empathy and she took one step away from the ramp, “My husband and I have a cottage just over that ridge. We can offer you a hot meal and further discuss the prospects of this world to your needs.”

 

Rose and Rey exchanged a look before Rey gave a reassuring nod and they gathered their cloaks, the air held a chill after the rain and Rey still wished to conceal her sabers, before they walked down the ramp, surprised to see that the woman stood even shorter than Rose.

 

“I’m Ada,” the woman offered, her kind smile ever-present on her face.

 

“My name is Rey and this is Rose.”

 

“And the little one?”

 

“Rylea,” Rose said in a cooing voice as she kissed her daughter’s head.

 

Ada inclined her head to get a better look at the sleeping babe, “A strong name for such a little one, but what great things she will do…”

 

Rose smiled and stoked at her daughter’s curls and with introductions done, the three women set off across the pasture after Ada told them that her home was situated between some rocky spires and there was no real point to move the shuttle any closer.

 

True to her word, just over the ridge sat a quaint cottage with a stacked stone chimney and a thatched roof. Moss grew up the walls due to the seemingly always moist environment and Rose almost squealed in delight, picturing something like this for herself and Finn when daydreaming of a different time when they would have had a future together.

 

The home was warm and inviting. It was clear that the couple lived off their land and their herd. Nerf hides were stretched over wooden frames to create chairs that sat around a handmade table. A fire crackled on the hearth along the right wall of the home and a gray cat wove it’s way around Ada’s ankles once they were fully in the main room of the cottage.

 

“My husband Hamal is down in the village trading with the other farmers and should be back before sundown, but for now let’s get some food into those bellies since you both are still eating for two.”

 

Rose who felt completely in her element, having remembered living in a simple place like this as a very young girl, handed Rylea off to Rey and went to help Ada put a pot of stew to heat over the fire.

 

Looking down at the babe in her arms, Rey ran her finger over Rylea’s delicate features, the soft skin of her forehead and her button nose and her rosy lips that pursed in sleep. In this moment she desperately wanted to meet her son and the hole that was deep within her soul ached where her connection to the Force and to her husband used to sit.

 

Before she turned her back on the Force…before Dantooine, Rey could feel her son in the Force, could feel his signature and regrettably wondered what he felt like now. Would his presence be stronger? Would she be able to sense what he was feeling? Would she be able to shower him with love and light? Was a bond forged between mother and child?

 

As she held Rylea and stroked at her own stomach, she allowed a few silent tears to run down her face and she wished she could talk with Leia…wished that she could be experiencing this with Ben, that they could both feel their son grow strong through the Force…she wanted everything to be so very different.

 

The food was surprisingly delicious and Rey would never think that nerf meat would be so good with how horribly they smell while living. They drank tea made from flowers and leaves from a plant that was locally grown and as predicted, met Hamal Helranth before nightfall.

 

Rey and Rose found out that the couple had borne a daughter of their own but lost her at the tender age of eleven during one of the long winters that happen upon the planet about once every generation. Their tale had both girls in tears before Rey and Rose retold plight in more detail to the husband and wife. Rey’s family gave her up while Ada and Hamal had a daughter that they wanted but was taken back by the Force. It was not lost on her that she was taking the right to fatherhood away from another in her fear and stubbornness.

 

Hamal refused to send them back out into the world, stating that it was close to calving season and they could use the extra hands. Rey and Rose exchanged looks thinking about how much help they could possibly be in their conditions, but they were thankful none the less.

 

They offered to stay on the shuttle and work on the farm, but again Hamal refused and offered the home’s other room, only after making sure the girls were comfortable with sharing space. The room was about three times the size of the bunking quarters on the shuttle and they were excited about the woolen stuffed mattress as compared to the thin and worn padding that line the bunks.

 

Each morning Rose would strap Rylea to her chest and collect eggs for breakfast. The foursome would all take turns walking the fields and keeping an eye on the herd but Rey enjoyed working in the garden most, kneeling in the moist dirt and weeding around the root vegetables that made up most of their diet. She was reminded of the garden at Varykino, but shook that thought from her mind but swore that wherever they settled, that they would have a garden, that she would teach her son how to make things grow.

 

Rylea was thriving, even though she was born a month early, she was thankfully showing no signs of being underdeveloped. At six weeks old she was finally giving true smiles to anyone willing to coo to her or blow raspberries on her round tummy. Rylea figured out her hands and would grab at anything in reach which caused the woman to start wearing their hair up and out of the way. Tears would form in Rey’s eyes with Rylea would grasp at the empty space upon her breast bone where she could just picture her son being drawn to the kyber, and playing with the rings that should sit there.

 

On day two hundred Rey sat up on a rocky ridge and watched the herd move in closer to the farm as the wind changed and she knew by now that meant another storm was coming, but at that moment she just closed her eyes and decided that she would need to talk to Rose about moving on.

 

* * *

 

Ben was back on Coruscant, having spent a week with his Wookiee uncle before being called back to the capital. A new Head of Public Affairs was appointed from his cousin’s world of Naboo and Loysia We was much more respectful of the delicate situation concerning the Empress.

 

He had no other dreams of Rey…well, no other nightmares since leaving Kashyyyk. Ben dreamt of his wife every time he closed his eyes, but these were replays of their happy times, memories of their intimacies that caused him to wake frustrated, or hopes of their future.

 

It was day two hundred and four and his Knights and guards lingered around that night. Tyris said that he would cook dinner and Cale offered to raid the wine cellar, but Ben just wanted to be alone. This time last year he was landing on Jakku to spend his birthday with Rey.

 

She had shown him her meager beginning, vowing that he would be her blissfully happy future. They scavenged abroad the Star Destroyers of wars past, made love under the stars, felt the heat of the Jakku sun as they rode her speeder, and he confessed in whispered tones that there was nowhere else in the galaxy that he ever wanted to be than at her side.

 

So on the eve of his thirty-second birthday, Ben sat alone on the terrace of his…no, their apartment and sipped at a Chandrilan whiskey that was distilled the same year of his birth.

 

At some point he fell asleep in the oversized chair that so easily held both him and his wife on many occasions, and just like on Kashyyyk, he started to dream of Rey in pain. She cried, face twisted with distress, calling out his name, begging the Force and the Maker for mercy.

 

He felt a Light start to fade…not quite hers but also not his.

 

Ben woke with a start, the glass tumbler sitting on the arm of the chair went crashing to the floor, shattering in a million pieces that shone like stars in the city lights. His brow was covered in sweat and his heart was racing. It had been over a month since he had the last nightmare, but it all felt so real and he wished that he could calm his breathing enough to slip into meditation and reach out for her through the Force.

 

Checking the chronometer that Rey gifted him after their engagement, he saw that it was past midnight and it was day two hundred and five…his birthday.

 

* * *

 

Rey instinctively knew that something was off the day before when she was in the garden and she felt a tightening around her stomach before feeling like she couldn’t catch her breath even though she had been kneeling among the cabbage for over an hour.

 

She limped into the house and Ada made her a cup of tea and told her to sit by the fire. After a while, the tightness subsided and Rey went to the fresher for the hundredth time that day. When she saw streaks of blood on the tissue she became very concerned and called out to Rose and Ada.

 

Apart from birthing dozens of nerfs each season, Ada often acted as midwife for the village and surrounding farms and this knowledge made Rey slightly less nervous…but only just slightly.

 

“It’s too soon,” she echoed Rose’s words from weeks ago.

 

Ada had the girl sit on the edge of the bed, “I’m going to check you. This may be uncomfortable.”

 

It was easily confirmed that Rey was starting to dilate and she was shedding her plug, hence the bleeding. Rey started to cry, again saying that it was too early for her baby to be coming. Days ago she decided that they would leave Eadu later that week and once she had Rose settled on Takodana, she would send Ben a comm and offer to meet him and talk…

 

But her son had other ideas and Rey was changed into a nightgown while Ada instructed her to walk around the home, breathe slowly through the contractions, and soon Rey would finally be able to meet her baby.

 

She was too uncomfortable to eat any supper, but she sipped at more tea and allowed Rose to rub her back and talk her through each contraction. Rey still felt as if her breath was being taken away and around 1900 that night, after a hard contraction, Rey cursed, thinking she had peed herself.

 

“Your waters have broken my dear,” Ada cooed as she pressed a cool cloth to Rey’s forehead. The older woman turned midwife checked Rey again and her brows furrowed, “You aren’t as dilated as I would have hoped but why don’t you try to get some rest because it appears we have a long night ahead of us.”

 

Ada passed Rylea off to Hamal who doted over the baby as if she was his own grandchild while the older woman worked to gather blankets and towels, boil water, and pull out herbs and serums that tended to help mothers who were not progressing through their labor as quickly as was considered safe for both mother and baby.

 

Rey lay on her side with Rose pressed up behind her. Rose rubbed Rey’s stomach as it tensed every twenty minutes or so and Rey cried, not only because of the pain but because she wished it was Ben that was here with her and it was all her fault that he was not.

 

By 2300 Rey was only seven centimeters but her contractions were coming in closer together. Ada made her drink some bitter herb tea and Rey was already so tired that she didn’t know if it was to slow down the contractions or to speed up the dilation.

 

It was a few hours into day two hundred and five when Rey felt the urge to start pushing. If she had not been in so much pain, been shivering with chills even though she felt like her lower half was burning, or been so ready to meet her son, Rey would have realized where she was a year ago on this day and the significance of it.

 

“I need to push!” Rey cried. 

 

“You aren’t dilated enough, my dear…” Ada tried to sooth the anxious mother.

 

The bedsheets were soaked with her sweat and Rose sat behind her, brushing the hair off Rey’s forehead and held her hands through each groan and moan of pain. “How am I suppose to do this alone?” Rey sobbed, “He should be here…”

 

Rose lovely shushed her friend, rocking them slightly back and forth as she pressed her lips to Rey’s temple and whispered, “I know sweetie…Poe would have never wanted to miss this.”

 

“Poe?” Rey turned her head to face her friend, confusion written all over her features before she remembered her lie. Her expression crumbled and she started crying harder.

 

“I’m sorry to bother you,” Hamal said poking his head into the bedroom with a fussy Rylea in his arms. “I think she is hungry.”

 

Rose hugged Rey before getting up to feed her daughter. “I’ll be right back in,” she reassured.

 

Rey leaned back against the headboard of the bed and panted as she felt another contraction coming. She gritted her teeth and tried to not bear down like her body was telling her too. When the tightness subsided she fell back with fatigue and whimpered out to the universe…out to the Force if it was even listening. “Ben…I thought I could do this without you…without the Force. I’m so tired…I need you…I need your strength…our son needs your strength.”

 

Another contraction hit not even a minute later and now Rey screamed out for Rose and Ada.

 

“Your boy is persistent,” Ada softly chuckled, attempting to lighten the mood as she checks Rey again. Even though the girl was still not fully dilated, her body was telling her it was time and Ada didn’t want to put mother or baby at any more risk. “I want you to push on the next contraction and remember to breathe.”

 

Rose took her spot back up behind Rey, speaking words of encouragement into her best friend’s…her sister’s ear.

 

It seemed like Rey was pushing for hours…she was so attuned to the pain now that she was hardly even bearing down with each rapid contraction. “He’s a big boy even though he is early…” Ada said as she watched the baby start to crown, “and he’s coming with a full head of black hair.”

 

Pressing a cool washcloth to Rey’s head, Rose continued to encourage, “You’re doing so well Rey. Just a few more pushes and he will be here.”

 

The next contraction was a big one and Ada called out for Rey to push hard. To Ada’s horror, the baby didn’t move any further and she started to fear that he would get stuck in the birth canal. “Rey look at me,” the older woman commanded, seeing the exhausted mother’s eyes barely able to focus. “I’m going to help him out a little as it appears he is stuck. This will hurt and I may have to break his collar bone…”

 

Just as Rey thought that she couldn’t take anymore and her vision swam with fatigue and pain, the figure of a woman with long curly hair came into focus. The dark eyes that were passed down to her grandson were obvious and Rey recognized her from her eternal sleep in the catacombs of the palace of Theed. “Padmé,” Rey choked out from a hoarse throat.

 

“Rey, you can’t give up now,” the vision pleaded.

 

“I’m so tired…”

 

Ada and Rose looked at each other as Rey appeared to be talking to someone standing off to the side of the bed that was truly not there. The hallucinations and fatigue worried Ada and she knew that they needed to get the baby out now.

 

“Your son needs you…my grandson needs you…”

 

“I’ve hurt him so badly…how will he ever forgive me?”

 

“You have to survive to at least try! He is not lost to the Darkness like my Ani was. You can not give up on him, yourself, or the Force. I need you to strong enough for…”

 

Rey shook her head back into reality and remembering Ada’s words, not wanting her baby to be hurt… “I don’t care what happens to me…I deserve anything that happens to me, but save our son.” She panted a few times, feeling another need to push coming, “He has to know his father…he must know who his father is…”

 

Her words were drowned out with a blood-curdling scream as Ada reached her hand into Rey, pushing down on the baby’s clavicle until she felt it pop and then she pulled. Rose felt Rey’s body go limp as she watched Ada cradle the infant in one hand and rub at his back until his cries rang out around the room.

 

Rose worked somewhat frantically to rouse her friend. She remembered the first time that Rylea was placed into her arms and she wanted that for Rey, but part of her worried that the past fifteen hours were more than Rey could handle. Ada tied off and cut the umbilical cord after checking over the babe. His collar bone would heal naturally without much intervention needed and she wrapped him in a blanket right as his mother was blinking back to consciousness. 

 

“A beautiful baby boy,” Ada said as she placed the child on Rey’s chest before going to work on the afterbirth.

 

Rey started to immediately cry as she looked down at the wailing child in her arms. What seemed a lifetime ago, in a riverside field on Endor, Rey had wished for a child that was so unmistakably Ben’s and the Force had answered in spades.

 

His eyes were still closed so she was unsure if he had her hazel iris or the whiskey brown of Ben but his head was covered in ebony waves, his lips were the brightest pink and already set into a dissatisfied pout. Pushing the blanket further back away from his face she started to weep when she saw that he indeed has his father’s ears.

 

“What’s his name?” Rose asked looking over Rey’s shoulder at the baby who she personally felt had missed out on Poe’s olive complexion. The child’s ebony curls were in stark contrast against Rey’s pale chest, her normally tan skin looked drawn due to fatigue and blood loss.

 

Right before Ada had pulled her son into this world, Padmé whispered a name through whatever power was projecting her to the Forceless and exhausted woman, but Rey felt as if the name always belonged to her son, as if it was written in the stars for all of eternity just waiting for Rey and Ben to find each other and create such a child.

 

Looking down upon her son once more, stroking her fingers along his chubby cheeks she leaned down to place a kiss upon his head with her chapped lips. “Jacen Apollo…”

 

“Jacen Apollo Dameron…” Rose tried the name out. “A powerful name for what is sure to be an amazing little man.”

 

Apart from putting his mother through one hell of a labor, Jacen had also almost torn Rey in two and Ada quickly worked to manage any bleeding and also put three stitches in, perhaps one more than what was needed, but she knew that Rey and any future sexual partner down the road would thank her for it later. She was also happy to see that the after-birth hormones kicked in and Rey hardly felt anything Ada was doing as the two mothers cooed down at the new addition to their little family.

 

Rose tried to walk Rey through Jacen’s first feeding, but Rey was so tired and the babe seemed to be having none of it, so Rose ordered Rey to get some sleep. “But I can’t be without him,” Rey whimpered, having her son near was the next best thing compared to having his father.

 

“I will sit right here,” Rose moved to her side of the bed and took Jacen from Rey’s arms. “You sleep and we will be right here. The little man has to get aquatinted with his cousin Rylea anyhow.”

 

Rey’s eyes were already closing by the end of Rose’s sentence and she drifted to sleep where she dreamed of rolling green hills, black-haired children, dark eyes and soft lips, and whispered words of love under vines of purple flowers.

 

She woke minutes…hours…days later to shrill cries. Rolling over she saw Rose trying to console the squirming and clearly upset newborn. “He’s hungry,” Rose said as she watched Rey try to sit up in the bed.

 

Winching as she shifted, Rey didn’t even want to think about the war zone that was now her lady bits, but she had other more important things to consider. Ada had warned her about the spike a fever that would set in as Rey’s milk came in, but thankfully Rey slept through the worst of it not knowing that the older woman was diligent with swapping out the cool compresses off Rey’s forehead. Now her breast felt full and heavy and Rey reached for her son, allowing Rose to give some directions on getting Jacen to latch.

 

Instead of rooting into the leaking nipple that Rey was rubbing along his lower lip, he just cried more and tried to twist his head away from her breast. “What’s wrong with me?” Rey started to cry.

 

“There is nothing wrong with you,” Rose tried to reassure. “Some babies just take a little more help.”

 

They tried for hours while Rey cried along with her son, both out of frustration and with the fact that her breasts felt as if they were going to explode. Ada even came in and tried to help the little man out. Still exhausted and becoming even more so, Rey looked down at her son, “Too bad you are not a boob man like your father.”

 

Rose giggled, “More than I ever wanted to know about your sex life with Poe…”

 

Rey felt as if she was going to be sick with the thought of ever replacing Ben with Poe and also with the weight of all her lies, she quickly passed her son off to Ada before lunching over the side of the bed to just dry heave.

 

When she sat back up she was offered a cool compress and Rey laid it over her forehead before closing her eyes and tried to control her breathing.

 

“I want to try something but you may not like it…” Ada said as she tried to rock the crying baby.

 

“What’s that?” Rey asked, not opening her eyes.

 

“We can see if he will nurse from Rose…”

 

“What?” Rey said, sitting up and looking at the older woman.

 

“I…” Rose started, not knowing how she felt about this suggestion and not wanting to overstep and also not wanting to take away from the amazing bonding that happened when a mother got to feed her child for the first time.

 

“If we cannot get him to nurse soon then we may have to call for the doctor from the city a day’s journey from here.”

 

With tears in her eyes, Rey looked from her son who was clearly in distress and nodded. “Are you sure?” Rose asked as she took Jacen in her arms.

 

“He won’t survive unless he eats,” Rey just offered.

 

Rey toyed with his tiny feet as Rose tried to get him to have any interest in taking her nipple but he cried into her skin as well. “I’ll keep trying…” Rose said as Ada ushered Rey out of the bed.

 

It hurt to move…Rey thought that this was worse than falling in the _Inflictor_ and breaking her foot, this was worse than getting cut with a Vibro-arbir blade but not as bad as when she had shut out the Force and killed the bond between herself and her husband. So she just leaned on the kind woman who had delivered her son safe into this world and shuffled across the room towards the fresher.

 

Ada turned the shower onto hot and instructed Rey to allow the water to heat her breasts before showing her how to express her own milk into small glass jars. “Your first milk is very important and we can try to get him to take a bottle if needed. If we can’t, it will store for a few days in the cooler or a few months if frozen.”

 

By the next day when Jacen had refused to nurse again from Rey and Rose and also refused a bottle of Rey’s milk, Ada started to get worried. They called for the doctor and by the time he arrived Jacen had not nursed for over thirty hours and he was becoming too weak to even cry.

 

The doctor said that there did not appear to be anything wrong with the child and that the broken clavicle was already starting to slowly heal. He had no answers for Rey who was in a state of constant distress since her son’s birth and when the doctor said that it could be a simple case of failure to thrive and that she may want to prepare for the worse…she did something very foolish…

 

Rey drew her saber on the doctor, screaming at him to fix her son, that she would run the useless man through if her son died.

 

Hamal stepped in front of his wife in a protective manner and they looked on with fear and shock at the young woman who they took in weeks ago, as she drew a weapon only compared to that of the Emperor.

 

When Rey saw the fear in her host’s eyes, she knew it was time to leave. She also knew that her son needed medical attention, from real doctors…from the best doctors in the galaxy, and she quickly started to shove her things into her bag.

 

“We are leaving Rose…”

 

“You aren’t healed enough to travel. You aren’t thinking right Rey…you need to just be here with your son in case…”

 

“In case what Rose?” Rey hissed. “In case he dies? My son is strong like his father and his father before him. He will not die because I was too scared to ask for help before now. All that matters is that he survives and I will do anything and everything in my power to save my child. Even if that means facing the conflict of my own making.”

 

Rose just nodded and started to gather her things as well. She too could not sit by and watch the sweet baby boy wither away to nothing. With Rylea strapped to her chest, she thanked Ada and Hamal for everything and asked their forgiveness for Rey’s behavior, stating that her dear friend was just a terrified and grieving mother.

 

The shocked by understanding older woman hugged Rose and told her to be careful before packing away the saved breast milk and other needed supplies so that Rey could continue to express and store her milk for when her son started to feed. Also into the worn cotton sack went a canister of dried flowers and leaves, a tea mixture that would bolster Rey’s milk production for Ada had a feeling that Jacen would grow to be a large and strong man one day. 

 

BB-8 who spent most of his time herding nerfs came out from behind a large grouping of the animals and Rey yelled for him to get the shuttle started. He beeped his excitement over the new addition to their flight team but his chirps became more sullen when he saw the hollowed and worried expression on Rey’s face.

 

From the moment that she drew her saber on the doctor to the moment that they broke the atmosphere of Eadu could not have been more than twenty minutes and Rey tucked her whimpering son into her tunic, hoping to reassure him with skin to skin contact and with the steady beat of her heart that they were going to find help.

 

“Mama’s going to take you to a place where they can help you and I’m sure Auntie Irris will be so happy to meet you.” Rey was too lost in her own exhausted delirium and didn’t notice the odd looks that Rose was giving her from the co-pilots seat, but she wrapped a strong arm around her son’s fail body and whispered into the hair that his father gave him, “Are you ready to see Naboo my little healing light?” 

* * *

**AN: I know that so many of you have been begging for Ben to be around for the birth but it needed to be like this and I'm sorry. But the good news is that Ben and Rey come face to face the next chapter but as you can expect...it may not be all warm and fuzzy.**

**I hope you like my nod to the original Organa-Solo twins with naming the boy Jacen. The meanings behind the name Apollo are also very revolved around light, but I was giving a nod to another great pilot from Battlestar Galactica.**

**As always I love to hear your thoughts, even though I'm sure a lot of you will be disappointed with how I took this chapter. Just remember that it hurts until it gets better.**

**Thank you to my muse for answering all my creepy labor questions.  :)**

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Part VI

**AN: I posted two chapters today! So if you have not already read Part V, please go back now!**

**For everyone else...I couldn't leave you hanging and I wrote this in like five hours today. Thank you to my Muse for putting up with me when I get like this!**

* * *

 

**Part VI**

Arlan knew that he had requested to be left alone, but it was her Emperor's birthday and he at least deserved to have someone look in on him. The attack on his life a year ago was the catalyst to his need for extra security. That is how Arlan was selected from the mass of troopers and she knew that it must have been the work of the Force even though she didn't completely understand the cosmic power at times.

Like how could the Force have caused a couple that clearly loved each other, perhaps even more than the power that the Force afforded them, how could they be allowed to be separated like this? How could so much pain be allowed to be bestowed upon them? Her Emperor was holding it together for the sake of the galaxy and all of the work and sacrifice that was put into his government, but he was holding on just by a thread.

Or maybe not…Arlan thought as she came into the apartment and noticed bloody footprints spanning from the kitchen to the sleeping quarters. She had respected Rey's position as Empress, wife of Kylo Ren, and also as a friend and not entered their private rooms since Rey was last in residence, but with the amount of blood on the floor, Arlan had to put her respectful decorum aside and check on her Master.

"Ren," she called out from the doorway of the sleeping quarters and saw the same bloody prints in the room. They led to the fresher and she tiptoed around pools of crimson only to find the Emperor sitting on the side of the tub, trying to pick something from the bottoms of his feet. "Ren?" She questioned again.

He looked up and his gaze was exhausted and wild, but he focused back on his feet and continues to pick at the skin. "I broke a glass out on the terrace and was dumb enough to walk through it."

Seeing that he was trying to pick the glass out with just his dull fingernails, Arlan sighed, "Well you will never get all of it out like that." She walked over to Rey's side of the vanity and started sifting through the drawers.

"What do you think you are doing?" Ren's voice was harsh as he watched his guard ransack his wife's personal belongings. He had not moved a single thing out of place, wanting it to be just as she left it when she came home…

Finding what she was looking for, Arlan turned around and walked over to Ren before sinking down to kneel at his feet, "Looking for tweezers," she said simply before going about pulling some of the bigger shards out of the bottoms of his feet.

She had learned by now to not give in to his bad attitudes, Rey never did and it seemed the only way to get things done when Ren was dead set on being in a foul mood. Only after a few minutes to tense silence and six pieces of glass being extracted from his feet, did Arlan chance a look up at her Emperor. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ren sighed knowing that his guard meant well and let her continue digging those infernal tweeters into his tender feet. "I felt a disturbance in the Force…"

Arlan didn't reply, just shifted her gaze up to his quickly to let him know that she was listening and continued to work. So he allowed her to grip his ankle and move his foot where she needed it as he spoke again, "It wasn't like when they fired Starkiller or like what happened on Dantooine…it was smaller, more intimate." He took a breath, "It felt like when my mother died."

This information distracted her and Arlan dug too hard into the arch of his foot and she heard him hiss in pain as she snapped her eyes to him, "The Empress…does this mean that Rey is…" but she couldn't say the words.

"I don't know and that is the hardest part of all of this. I've been having dreams of her suffering and then I have this feeling that something very important to me is dying…giving up, but I don't know where or why."

Moving to his other foot, Arlan tried to be reassuring, "We can start the sweeps again. Double the efforts to find her…"

In another life, Ben would find the tanned skin and pale violet eyes of Arlan alluring. If she came from good breeding or with a title his mother would have been fond of the match. The trooper had never been anything but kind and her warm hands felt comforting on the pads of his feet after he had not been touched tenderly in ages, but he wished the purple hair was chestnut and the placating voice was one teasing him for being a klutz.

"I miss her too," Arlan offered after seeing the conflicted and pained expression on Ren's face. "We will get her back…we have to have faith."

At that moment he was willing to offer Arlan any promotion she wanted. He would let her command her own ship, giver her legions of other troopers to lead, but he knew without a doubt that when his wife returned, that the faithful guard would want to be right at Rey's side. "Thank you Arlan," he offered in an almost whispered tone.

The guard just offered a small smile as she wiped the last glass shard into a bloodied tissue. "You should clean the area and then apply some bacta patches if you want to be able to walk without pain by tomorrow."

He watched Arlan stand and start to gather the red tinted towels and he thanked her again. "Could you possibly order a cleaning droid in as well?"

"Consider it done," Arlan said before turning and starting to walk from the fresher, stopping by the doorway. "And sir," she offered a soft smile when he looked up. "Happy birthday."

The sound that left Ren was a wounded snot, "An old man that still needs mothering…"

"We all need help sometimes," and with that Arlan left the room to allow her Emperor to wash up for the day.

Just five days later, on day two hundred and ten, in the early hours of the morning, he was woken by pounding at the door. He knew it was Davin not only by the signature in the Force, but he was still the only one of his staff that knocked, even though it was painfully clear that Rey was not in the apartment. A few months back Ren had ghosted the thought from Davin's mind that the guard also didn't want to walk in on his Master with another woman who wasn't the Empress, but a cutting gaze and growl had ceased that line of thoughts quickly and the guard had never doubted Ren faithfulness since.

But checking his chronometer that he always placed on the bedside table showed that it was 0237 and he groaned and rolled out of bed. Thanks to Arlan's care and bacta, his feet were healed and he padded with lumbering steps towards the apartment's front door. "Do you know what time it is?" Ren grumbled.

"The Empress…" Davin panted out, having run from his room two floors below. His Master was in shocked suspense waiting from his guard to continue and Davin took another breath, "Irris said she tired your comm but it was not receiving so she sent me a comm…"

Ren reached out and held Davin's shoulders, shaking him some, "What did Irris say…where is Rey?"

"She's on Naboo," Davin said in a gulping breath. "Irris will try to hold her there, but I suggest…"

But Ben was already pacing back to his room, calling out orders, "Wake the rest of the guards, Cale and Bona and meet me on the shuttle in ten minutes."

He considered just storming up to his ship in just his sleep pants, but something in him was telling him to collect some of Rey's things…small comfort items like the hairbrush that had once belonged to his mother and a few articles of her clothing and lastly he wasn't really sure why, but he grabbed the throw from the bottom of their bed before dressing himself and making his way up to the rooftop landing pad.

Blessing the Force, Ren sighed when he saw Arlan already in the co-pilot seat and she started to key up the engines, "Let's go get our Empress," she said as her Master strapped in beside her.

* * *

With some hyperdrive issues, Rey and Rose finally limped the shuttle into the Chommel sector on day two hundred and nine. Jacen still refused to nurse and they had only been sustaining him by placing a few drops of saved breast milk into his mouth as he continued to cry. Rylea picked up on the overall feelings of dread that settled over the ship for the two-day journey, but both babes were able to get some rest when they were placed together behind a barrier of pillows on one of the lower bunks.

It was the dead of night when they arrived and Rey disregarded protocol and landed the shuttle right in the street at the main steps of the palace. Rose looked with scared amazement at the tall turrets and domes of the huge building that seemed to glow in the Naboo moonlight.

"Wait here," Rey said to Rose as she kissed Jacen's head and slipped out of the shuttle, moving as quickly as her still battered body would allow.

"Here goes nothing…" she said to herself as she knocked on the large front doors to the palace. To her amazement, not a minute later the doors were cracking open and two guards in their red armor were pointing spears at her and asking her what business she had at the palace at this hour.

Rey held up her hands, "I must see the Queen at once…it's a matter of life or death."

"I'm sure it is, nerf herder," the guard snorted being able to smell the beasts on the young woman.

Standing a little taller, Rey squared her shoulders, "Tell her that the Empress is here to see her. Tell her that Rey is here…she will want to see me."

Looking over the rags that the young woman wore, the other guard pushed his spear in her direction, "We will not be telling her Royal Majesty anything. You will have to come back in the morning when the other beggars are let it for charity."

Rey had enough, winching with the movement, but she put all of her weight into kicking the guard in the center of his chest before she drew her saber, pointing one of the unbalanced blue blades at his neck before looking back up at the other guard, "Wake Irris and tell her that the Empress is here to see her."

As the one guard ran off back into the palace, Rey nudges the fallen man with her foot, "Get up and walk…I need to get something from my shuttle and I'm not willing to let my bargaining chip go free just yet."

The man in red armor stood and held his hands up as he walked towards the shuttle parked in the street, hearing the hissing buzz of the saber at his back. He was expected the crazy woman to get the rest of her gang of thugs to ransack the palace, or load up with other weapons to take on the rest of the guards that were sure to come, but what he was not expected was for another young woman to place a pale and sickly looking infant into the arm of the woman that wasn't still holding a saber to the back of his neck.

Matching the guard back up the steps, Rey was pleased that Jacen was sleeping but his breathing was so shallow and she knew that they were running out of time. Rose followed with an equally sleepy Rylea strapped to her chest. "Are you sure they will help us?" Rose asked.

"If I can speak to the Queen, she will help save my son."

Just then the doors opened wider and a young woman with dark flowing curls came striding out, her white silk nightgown trailing elegantly out behind her. "What is the meaning of all of this?" She yelled out. "Where is the woman claiming to be the Em…" but her voice cut out as she saw the blue saber blade casting a blue glow around the palace steps. "Rey!" She cried and ran towards her friend.

Turning off her saber and stepped around the guard, "Irris," she wailed in desperation. When the Queen came to throw Rey in a hug, the protective mother held out her free hand, which still was gripped around the saberstaff hilt and the guards try to rush up to their Queen thinking the crazed woman would try to kill their sovereign. But once Irris was stopped before her, Rey lowered her weapon and twittered her body so that the woman she considered a sister could see the babe that rested in the swaddle of blankets.

"Oh Rey…" Irris' eyes burned with tears as she looked upon the child and then up into the drawn and crumpled expression of her friend. "Does he know?" Was her most dire question.

Rey shook her head as tears started to spill down her cheeks, "Our boy is dying and I don't know why…I need your help."

Irris peered down at the baby again and saw that he was a spitting image of his father before she reached up and patted at Rey's check. Next, she turned and started to give orders, having the palace doctors woken and a team be dispatched from the neonatal unit at the local hospital. "Please show our guests to the quarters next to mine and make haste!"

The guards now stood at attention and ushered Rey into the palace doors. She looked over her shoulder long enough to call out a 'Thank you, Irris' before she disappeared into the marble-paved corridors. The Queen approached the other woman, short and dark-haired, and also clutching a mass of knitted blankets to her chest. "You must be Rose," Irris said.

"I am…" Rose held her daughter more protectively.

"I've heard so much about you from Rey," Irris said with a kind smile and held out her hand towards the palace. "Please come in and get settled. Are you or your child in need of any medical attention?"

Rose almost stuttered at the kindness from who she now suspected as being the Queen of Naboo. "We are fine…just tired, hungry, and a little worse for wear…but I have to ask, how do you and Rey know each other."

Irris just gave a sad smile, "We have a common acquaintance," was all she offered before the palace doors were shut behind them.

Rey hardly paid any attention to where she was being led in the palace. The room she was taken to was warm and brightly lit with furnishing like that of Irris' own dining room where they had taken a meal on her last trip to this world. There was a receiving room, two bedrooms, each with its own fresher, but strangely there was only one way in and out of the quarters, but Rey was too focused on Jacen to think of the implications of that piece of information.

Within minutes Rey heard another shuttle landing somewhere close and a team of four were shown into the room, each hauling bags of equipment and supplies over their shoulders. They went right to work, asking Rey questions about when the baby was born, any complications, and what other symptoms he was having that could give them an idea of what was happening.

A nurse came up to take Jacen out of Rey's arms and embarrassingly, Rey hissed at her. "I'm sorry ma'am, we have to be able to see him to be able to run our tests…"

Rey apologized and was only able to hand over her son when Irris came and placed a hand on her shoulder. Once she wasn't needing to stay steady to hold her child, Rey swayed and Irris called out for help, having some guards take Rey to one of the bedrooms to lay down. "I'm going to get one of the palace doctors to check you over…"

Trying to protest, Rey relented when she saw the concerned look on Irris' face, and it was a good thing that they did. Having started to run a fever the day before, Rey was running purely on the need to protect her child, the doctors suggested taking her to the hospital as part of the after-birth was still attached inside her.

"No!" Rey cried. "I need to stay with my son. You will not take me away from him."

In hushed tones, Irris spoke with her doctors and it was agreed that they would temporally numb Rey from the waist down so that they could tend to her womb but Rey could still be awake and alert in case there was a need with Jacen.

The epidural was a slight pinch compared to the past five days and Rey actually sighed with relief when she no longer could feel the constant ache from between her legs. "Who stitched you up?" One of the doctors asked in astonishment.

"A nerf herder by the smell of her," Irris said while giving a sad smile but also scrunched up her nose.

Rey dryly chuckled, "Yes, actually. Ada was my midwife but also births nerf calves on her farm."

"This won't do…" the doctor said and cut out the sutures, performed the dilation and curettage procedure, and then only replaced two of the stitches, knowing that any extra could cause issues down the line.

Rey was injected with antibiotics, given a sponge bath, and dressed in a clean nightgown. When she asked to see her son, the team from the hospital wheeled in a clear transparisteel incubator and Rey started to cry at the sight of him. She still did not have feeling back in her legs and the doctors had told her that it should wear off in a few more hours, but she so desperately wanted to go to her son and hold him close.

He had ports and hoses taped to his tiny arm and another tube threaded up his nose. She was told of his condition, that they could find no medical reason why he would be refusing food, but that they were providing hydration and medication through the IV and Rose had provided them with the stored breast milk to put down the feeding tube.

"You son is processing the food fine, has good belly sounds once we tried the first feeding, it just seemed like he didn't have to will to want to eat," one of the doctors explained. "The next few days will be critical with watching his enzyme levels and trying to put some weight on him."

Rey just nodded, turning on her side the best she could so that she could lay and watch her son sleep. The gentle rise and fall of his chest was like the best healing light she could ever ask for and with tears streaming down her cheeks she fell asleep knowing that Irris wouldn't let anything bad happen to them.

A few nurses stayed overnight to do small feedings for the baby and Rey woke to hushed whispers. "How is my son?" She asked as she stretched her tired legs and was almost thankful to feel some of the pain return, knowing that she would be able to use her legs.

"He is well. Taking the feedings like a champ and more alert," the dark-haired nurse answers while typing some things into a datapad.

The blonde nurse beside her fiddled with her hands for a moment before blurting out, "Are you really the Empress? Is this really the Prince?"

Rey looked around nervously, thankful that the doors to the room were closed and that Rose was not sleeping next to her. She chose her words carefully, "I am married to the Emperor and this is our son."

"Oh your Imperial Majesty," the blonde nurse curtseyed…

"None of that!" Rey snapped, perhaps more harshly than she should have.

"But ma'am you don't understand. My homeworld was about to parish to famine before your food programs provided aide. You saved my family and so many others…"

This part…this part of being with Ben, of ruling by his side, this was the part that she had forgotten. The good, the liberation, the saving worlds, bringing whole planets of people back from the brink, opening schools, hospitals, reforming Trooper programs…Ben had continued it all without her and she remembered Padmé's words, how Ben had not turned to the Dark as Anakin did, and Rey was determined to make it down to the catacombs to pay her respects to the woman who helped Rey find the strength to do the seemingly impossible and save her son.

So she softened her expression, "Well…" Rey looked at the girl's name tag, "Sarna, I am glad that your family is doing so well and you appear to have found yourself a good position at the hospital in Theed."

"I have, Empress…"

"But," Rey held up a hand, "no more of this Empress and Imperial Majesty business. I am Rey…just Rey."

Sarna looked nervous but bowed her head in agreement before going back over to check on the baby under her care. Rey walked up to the incubator and Sarna allowed Rey to reach within and stroke at the child's head, relaying that in another day or so he should be able to be managed in a more relaxed environment. Rey itched to hold him but knew that he needed his strength for what was to come next.

She took breakfast out in the receiving room with Rose and Rylea. "So I didn't get to ask last night because of all the excitement," Rose started while picking at a dish of fruit, "but how is it that you know the Queen of Naboo."

Rey almost choked on her caf, just thinking to herself how much she missed the grinds from the world's hill county. "We met through some of my travels. You know Leia's mother was a Queen of Naboo…"

Rose ate another piece of melon, "Irris said that you have a mutual acquaintance…"

"Yes…yes…" Rey tried to think. "A Priest of the Force that I met during one of my supply runs introduced us."

As Rylea cried out to be burped and possibly changed, Rose got the gut-churning suspicion that she was being lied to. But she just got up and announced that she would be right back after going to her accommodations to check her daughter's diaper.

Rey sat back in her chair with a sigh and took another sip of her caf, smiling for the first time in days with the resolve that perhaps the Force was finally no longer upset with her choice of abandonment.

But that sense of peace only lasted a few short seconds before the doors on the far side of the room were thrown open and in the now gaping hole stood her frantic, unkempt, panting, concerned, and breathtakingly gorgeous husband.

Time froze between them and Ben had to blink a few times to prevent his tears from overtaking his resolve, but also to truly believe that Rey was there…that his wife, star, his other half, was seated just paces from him. Even with her in sight, he still felt the wound where her signature should be and the thin thread that once connected them still hung slack when he gave it a gentle tug.

Rey stopped breathing, shifting her eyes just slightly to see Irris standing just behind Ben, a pleading and sorry look on her face. She wanted to be mad, wanted to rage against the woman she considered a friend…a sister, but Rey had to realize that Irris shared blood with Ben, they were truly family and perhaps the Queen had done what Rey was too cowardly to do for herself.

Just like when one of their bonds ended, the noise of the room flooded back into Rey's sense and she only had time to set down her caf before Ben was taking strides toward her.

Even after all the pain…all the betrayal, Ben fell to his knees before her, running his bare hands through his hair, over his face, wiping at the tears that now feel, and then reach out, he stopped just before touching her, as if making contact would make this not true, make her disappear and he didn't know if his heart could live through losing her again.

"Are you real?" He asked in a whisper.

Rey just nodded, her expression a mix of fear and wonder, eyes wide and just barely holding it together.

Finally, he placed his hands on her shoulders, letting them caress to her upper arms and rest there, "Are you alright?" He looked over her body that was enveloped in a billowing nightgown. "You are trembling," he observed, not knowing if her reaction was due to fear or excitement.

A door slammed off to his right and Ben looked up to see Rose come out of a room with the baby cradled in her arms, "What the hell!" Rose yelled. "Get away from her…she owes you nothing. Why can't you just leave her alone?"

Ben let his gaze slide from Rose to Rey and her now pained expression showed that in all these months, that Rey didn't tell her closest friend about them. Rey was still hiding what they were, even if it was currently broken, it had been real and it would always there.

A shrill cry of a small child echoed around the rooms and Ben only felt slightly bad for causing Rose's baby such upset, but as he let his apologetic gaze slide back over to Rose, he saw that her baby was still sleeping soundly in her mother's arms.

Following the sound of the cry he trained his eyes on the room directly behind Rey and he slowly stood from his kneeling position. But Rey jumped into action, praying that she did not rip any of the stitches hold her core together, and put herself between her husband and their son.

She wished she had her saber, wished she had the Force, wished that she had not lied about everything in the first place. Rey chanced a fleeting glance over at Rose before she settled back on Ben's face. He was never good a hiding his emotions and he ran through confusion, hope, anger, then settled with utter betrayal.

"Rey…what is that?" He asked letting his pained gaze shift between his defensive wife and the room behind her.

"I can explain…" she started but he was already advancing on her.

When she continued to block his path he looked down at her with dark and cold eyes, "Let me pass or I will be forced to have you removed."

"You can't talk to her like that!" Rose called from the outer room.

Ben let his arm brush against Rey's shoulder as he passed, she hadn't quite moved out of his way, but he was getting into that room even if he had to call upon the Force to hold his wife in place.

The room looked like many of the other's in the palace except for the clear box on wheels that was hooked up to monitors and the two nurses who looked up in shock when he entered.

"Emperor Ren," Sarna said while dipping into another curtsey. "Your wife and son are recovering nicely and it was a blessing that we got to them when we did…"

"My son," he interrupted, not hearing any more of her babble beyond that.

Walking up to the incubator he looked down at the small…the too small baby that lay within. There were tubes and wiring coming from each arm and leg and he tried to make sense of the beeps and readouts on the monitors but he didn't have time for reports…he didn't have time for some doctor to explain how dire of a condition his son was it…

Ben reached out a hand, laying it upon the transparisteel cover and closed his eyes. As soon as he reached out with the Force he got a reply and it took his breath away. "You…" he said in wonder. "It was you all along that I was looking for…"

That signature, that tiny blip across the galaxy, a small piece of himself, not quite Rey but not quite Ben, a perfect blending of both of them…it was never the kyber but had been his son all along reaching out, letting Ben know that he was there, that he existed.

The string that was flaccid for months now snapped tight and for the first time, Jacen opened his eyes and looked up through the distorted incubator cover, but he didn't need sight to see that the dark figure was his father. The bond had been formed through the Force and the child's breathing slowed and his heart became steady.

"You've been waiting for me…" Ben said in wonder, being able to feel his son's relief over the newly formed bond.

A breaking sob came from behind him and Ben turned to see Rey leaning up against the doorframe crying into her hands. Rose came in now without her daughter and tried to console Rey, narrowing her eyes at him, "You have no right to be here. You have no right to Poe's child!"

Rey fell into hysterics and Ben saw red, thankful that he listened to Arlan and left his saber on the MK3. "Dameron?" He yelled across the room at Rey.

"Just because she chose him over you does not give you the right to…" but Rose's voice faded when Kylo Ren was just a foot away from them.

Taking a deep breath through his nose, Ben's fixed his expression, his eyes cold and mouth set into a thin line, "Thank you for your concern Rose, but the matter of _my_ son is something to be discussed between myself and my _wife_."

* * *

**AN: I'll just leave this here...you know what to do...**

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Part VII

**Part VII**

 

Rose looked like she had just been slapped in the face, but she felt as if every sense of purpose was also being drained from her. The one person who she thought would never lie to her, the one person who she trusted with her own life, with the life of her child, the only person she was able to love after the death of her Finn…that one person had betrayed her in every way possible. 

 

She figured that Rey wasn’t telling the whole truth about how she knew the Queen of an entire planet, but she never expected Rey to lie about the father of her child, or to carelessly put both Rose and her daughter at risk while running from a domestic dispute.

 

“Husband?” Rose couldn’t even fathom the word as it left her lips and the guilty look on Rey’s face told her that everything Kylo just said was true. “How long as this been going on”?

 

Ben narrowed his eyes at Rey and perhaps he was being a little childish but he never took his gaze off his wife as he spoke, “Do you mean how long have we been married or how long have we been fucking each other behind your back?”

 

Maybe he even smirked with satisfaction when Rey winced at his words, not quite sure if it was the harshness of his tone or the idea that each time they came together, bared their souls to each other, apparently created another blazing life of light, was nothing more than meaningless fucking. But if Rey wasn’t going to confess to her friend then Ben had no issue telling the truth and letting Rose make her own decisions of whether or not to stand at Rey’s side, because that honesty was more than his own wife afforded him where his child was concerned.

 

“Ben, don’t,” Rey tried to whisper but her voice was so hoarse, so tired. She wanted to tell Rose…so many times. She and Finn made assumptions about Rey and Poe’s relationship back on the base and Rey was too scared to have any speculation fall on her when she and Ben were so close to peace.

 

Then the lies just started to build. She hid her pregnancy from Rose for as long as possible and when that had come to light, it was easier to just say the father was dead, a supposed war hero, then the man that was currently hunting them.

 

The kind and the worried man who had fallen at her feet just minutes ago and in those few moments when he asked if she was real when he reached for her, she wanted to believe that everything would work out and that maybe they could still have the life that the Force promised. But she had turned her back on the Force and on her husband and now any concern he had for her when he first arrived was replaced with a desire to maim, even just verbally and emotionally.

 

What was worse, was the fact that Rey knew she deserved all of it. 

 

He just blinked with apathy and turned to Rose, “We started a relationship before my mother died and she married me willingly and before the Force over eight months ago. She was crowned Empress of the galaxy that same day…”

 

“Empress,” Rose choked on the word before shaking her head. “So this whole time we have been running…scraping to get by…putting our children in danger!” She looks at Rey with wide and accusing eyes. “It was because you were too much of a coward to talk to your husband?”

 

Rey seemed to sink within herself further and Rose started to cry, “I trusted you…thought that we were in this together…thought that we both lost the father of our children.” Rose took a breath and then turned her gaze to Kylo when he tapped his fingers on the doorframe, “I may be upset with her, but you can’t seriously expect me to leave you in here alone with them…” she points from Rey to over where the nurses were attempting to not draw attention as they pushed another tube feed in efforts to keep the baby quiet.

 

“Rey and my son are at no risk in my presence, as it is quite apparent that my wife holds the complete ability to mortally wound me.” Not waiting for an answer he walked back over to the incubator, running his fingers down the scar on his face, and watched as a syringe was hooked up to the tube that went up the boy’s nose.

 

“What’s wrong with him?” He finally asked the nurses and heard hush whispered behind him before the door to the room clicked. Ben wasn’t happy to have the nurses witness what was sure to transpire between Rey and himself.

 

Right now he couldn’t fall apart, he couldn’t show anyone how his insides were flayed back open, the hole in his chest filled with rot. Later…in private, he would take his saber and destroy something in the same way that Rey has destroyed his trust in her. He had told her once that he never hated her…but as he looked down at his son, the spitting image of himself, he thought that perhaps it was better that his child didn’t look like Rey…it would make what he planned to do perhaps a little less painful in the end.

 

“Our initial scans showed nothing more than a broken collar bone…”

 

“Broken bones?” He questioned before turning to Rey, “How neglectful are you that you allow our infant child to already have broken bones?”

 

Nurse Sarna felt sorry for the couple as she was able to tell that a lot more than a sick child was coming between them, but she offered up in a small voice, “His collar bone had to be broke during birth otherwise there was a danger to both the lives of mother and baby.”

 

“Oh,” Ben offered but still held Rey under his bitter gaze. 

 

By this time, Rey finally found her voice, “That’s what happens when you let a six foot two monster put a baby in you…”

 

“So I am a monster again?” Ben hissed over at her, not getting this hints of her sarcasm and watched some remorse cross her expression, but he didn’t allow her time to answer as he turned back to the nurse, “Which shoulder was broken?”

 

The nurse pointed to the baby’s right side and Ben wasted no time opening the small window that would allow him to reach inside of the incubator. “What are you doing?” Rey wanted to push him away as she saw his hulking hand inch closer to her son…their son…and she realizes how small Jacen truly was compared to her husband’s palm.

 

“What you can’t,” he shot back before turning his focus back to his son, closing his eyes and then started rubbing the pad of his thumb across the skin just above the tiny clavicle.

 

Rey sucked in a breath, “You are healing him…but how? You said that you never would be able to Force heal because of your Darkness.”

 

“It appears we are both capable to do the things that we swore we never would…but I’ve had a lot of spare time to practice while you were running and hiding my son from me.”

 

She sighed, feeling that she was being stabbed through with each reminder of her betrayals, but now that she was here, she would try, “Do you want to know his name?”

 

“I know his name,” Ben answered matter of factly.

 

“How?” She was in the room the entire time with him and no one had yet to use her son’s name.

 

“He told me, Jacen told me what his name is.” Ben ran his thick fingers through the boy’s curls and couldn’t help the tiny smile that formed on his lips as he traced his son’s obnoxious ears, but he pulled his hand from the incubator and turned to his wife.

 

“My son has been calling out to me in the Force for months now but I didn’t know it was him. Just like my grandmother, he was dying of a broken heart because of the trespasses you made against the Force…because of what you did to us. I now have a bond with my son, a bond like the one you abandoned without a second thought to everything that we have been through, everything we have build, and I will make sure that you never separate me from my son ever again.”

 

Ben’s teeth were clenched and bared during his speech and his gaze was focused and the hardness of his eyes showed just how truthful his words were. Breaking his gaze on his wife, Ben turned to the nurses, thanking them for their diligent and discretionary care of his son, before he turned and started walking from the room.

 

Rey looked between her son and her husband’s back, “What does that mean?”

 

He didn’t answer her and when he entered the receiving room Ben was not surprised to see his cousin, two Knights, and three guards standing in wait with Arlan speaking lowly to Rose in a back corner.

 

“Ben,” Rey tired again. “What are you going to do…what did you mean?”

 

Inclining his head, Ben wordlessly called forth Cale, “Take the Empress to Varykino and keep her there under house arrest until I can figure out what is to be done with her.”

 

“Jacen can’t be moved,” Rey tried to reason with Ben.

 

Finally, he rounded, “ _My_ son will stay here in the palace until he is medically cleared to travel and then he will be going _home_ with me to Coruscant, where he belongs.”

 

“You can’t take him,” Rey clenched her fists and stepped up to Ben. “I am providing his milk, he needs my love, he needs his mother…”

 

“You have split this family in two and just as you kept him from me, I will keep him from you. He has not wanted anything from your breast since the day he was born,” he lowered his eyes just long enough to take in the changes that her body had gone through and he almost hated her for taking that from him too. “And I’m sure I can find a nursemaid to provide for his nutritional needs…”

 

Ben was really doing this…Rey thought frantically. Her husband was actually going to do this. She knew that he lashed out when he was hurt, Rey expected him to be angry, she expected his spiteful words, but she did not expect him to separate her from her five-day old son.

 

Looking down his nose at her, Ben squared his shoulders. “Maybe in another two hundred and ten days I will reconsider my offer.”

 

Not having the time to think about the fact that Ben also started the count again after Dantooine, Rey did something that she vowed on her wedding day never to do…she dropped to her knees, clawing at the front of his long robes, “Please Ben…Emperor…don't do this!” Tears streamed from her already bloodshot and exhausted eyes. “I beg you…will give you anything you want…do anything you want, just please don’t take Jacen away from me.”

 

Those that were in attendance for their marriage and Rey’s coronation, knew that Kylo had commanded that his wife never kneel to anyone, even to the likes of him, so seeing their Empress, with her forehead pressed against the top his boot, begging him to not separate a mother and child, Cale had to bit at his cheek to keep from letting tears fall.

 

The Empress continued to babble and grip on to Ben’s robes when Arlan stepped forward and laid a hand on her Emperor’s forearm. Rey looked up just as her husband and the trooper were exchanging a look and her heart clenched in her chest for just a moment, knowing that they were having a silent conversation through the Force.

 

She was about to narrow her gaze and make an uncalled for accusations when Arlan looked down, the kindness, understanding, and protectiveness in her expression gave Rey pause. The trooper who easily became Rey’s friend was on her side, was advocating for Rey to still have access to Jacen, and she wondered if she even deserved such loyalty after everything she had done.

 

Ben looked back down upon his wife, tear stained and red faced, he saw how utterly broke she was. _Good_ , he thought to himself. Even if his personal torment had not manifested itself outwardly like the groveling and weeping mess that was his strong and fearless Empress, he wished for her to know an iota of his pain.

 

But Arlan was right. When she reached out to him, drawing his attention away from Rey’s wailing, the guard had inclined her head, letting him know what she was giving him permission to invade her thoughts.

 

‘ _Tread carefully Emperor…’_ Arlan sent over the connection. Ren’s brow creased, not able to reply back in her thoughts. ‘ _If you want to have any sort of civil relationship with Rey ever again, you will not take that baby from her._ ’

 

She watched him swallow thickly before a pleading expression ghosted across her face, ‘ _Please reconsider. I will stay with the Empress and make sure that she doesn’t try to run again, even though now, I doubt she will_.’

 

Turing back to Rey at his feet, Ben saw just a flash of jealousy and speculation on his wife’s features, sighing and further hurt by the fact that she would think him capable of taking a lover during her absence, especially the one person who had earned his trust and kept him in check while his wife was possibly making the worse mistake of her life. He was grateful for Arlan and hopefully soon Rey would see what a true friend the trooper was to both of them.

 

Squaring his shoulders and speaking loud enough for all in the room to hear, Ben commanded, “Take the Empress to Varykino and when our son is strong enough, he will join her there so she can perform her motherly duties.”

 

Rey seemed to visibly relax, slumping her body to the floor at his feet, “Thank you, Ren…” she whispered.

 

“Your Emperor has shown you mercy this day and I pray that you won't soon forget it.”

 

Nodding, Rey wiped tears from her face and allowed Arlan to kneel down beside her. But Ben wasn’t done, “You will still hold the title of Empress, but you have no power here. The guards and Knights are your keepers, not yours to command. You will not be permitted to leave Varykino until you have earned back the trust of your Emperor, but more importantly, the trust of your husband.

 

“Our son is ill because you kept him from me because you denied him a connection to his parents through the Force. But now that I am bonded to Jacen, he will never have to feel alone ever again. I suggest you keep this in mind if you even consider trying to flee again.”

 

With that, Ben pulled his robes from Rey’s tight grasp and turned, striding out of the room just as forcefully as he had entered. But now, beyond the relief of finding Rey, he had the knowledge of his son, the flesh and blood embodiment of the love that he and his wife had once shared.

 

Rey let his words wash over her and sank back to her knees on the plush carpet of the parlor. She had almost killed her son, not only by running all over the galaxy, putting them in the position to not have access to medical care but also because she had denied the connection to her child through the Force…she had prevented her son from knowing his father through the Force.

 

In so many ways she abandoned her son before he even came into this world and it broke her heart anew thinking of all the cold and lonely nights on Jakku when she had just wished for the warmth of a mother’s caress or a father’s kiss. She didn’t deserve Arlan’s comfort as the trooper rubbed small circles on Rey’s back.

 

For a fleeting moment Rey thought about opening herself back up to the Force, but just like the past seven months, she was scared. Anger and fear had driven her to doubt. Doubt to guilt and guilt to suffering. Now Rey was so deep in her self made abyss that she didn’t know which way to move to break the surface. The clenching in her chest felt like the weight of the dark water on Ahch-To, the burning her oxygen-starved lungs, but this time there was no light guiding her towards any life saving breath. 

 

Cale stepped up and helped Arlan get Rey to her feet and he attempted to break the tension in the room, “Come Empress and introduce me to our newest little Knight."

 

It was a good distraction, enough for Rey to swallow the lump the size of a porg in her throat and allow Cale to assist her back to the bedroom. When the adrenaline weened, Rey started to feel the pain…the physical pain of a difficult labor and her procedure from the day before. She staggered and Cale held firm to her elbow and led her to the bed.

 

She sat with a sigh, partly out of exhaustion and partly from relief to the pain that was throbbing between her thighs and aching up her back. Rey watched the large and boyish blonde Knight walk up to the incubator and peer at the infant inside. “There’s no doubting who this kid’s father is,” Cale laughed at picturing his Master as the helpless being, but knew that Ren could kill him with just the power of his mind.

 

Rey gave a half hearted chuckle in reply, not knowing to curse or bless the Force for Jacen’s clear resemblance. But she soon turned sober again, watching the gentle man who had once owe her a life debt, reach out and trace a finger along the transparisteel. “I’m sorry I stab you…I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you back on Lianna,” she said in a quiet voice.

 

Cale turned away from the incubator and towards his Empress. “I took some shit from the guys from letting a girl,” he smirked and winked at her, “who wasn’t using the Force, kick my ass.”

 

“I would hardly call you begging me to wound you, me ‘kicking you ass’.”

 

“Well of course I couldn’t tell them the truth about what really happened…”

 

There was something about being around the guards again that made Rey feel at ease. It make her yearn for her home…but she wasn’t sure if what her heart was crying for was a place or a person. “How was Ben?” She was looking down at her hands that were clasped in her lap but chanced a glance up at Cale.

 

“Upset…clearly…”

 

Rey started to sniffle, and she wished that she could blame the tears on her hormones. Cale took a step forward and knelt down before her, just as he did when she Knighted him, “I wish that you would just get your power back and read my mind. I wish you could see what really happened…what Ren went through to get you back.”

 

She could only start to cry harder but was able to speak between hiccups, “I am tired and wish to get some rest before having to move to the estate.”

 

Cale looked pained, “As you wish Empress…” and he bowed before starting towards the door.

 

Just as he was about to exit, Rey called out, “Cale!” When the Knight turned she asked in a small voice, “If I have to leave the palace before Jacen is able to…can you stand watch over him until he is returned to me?”

 

The Knight had to blink a few times and swallow the lump in his throat, “As you wish Empress,” he said again but this time with pride and with another bow he left the room to allow the woman that he vowed to protect with his life, rest after a most stressful morning.

 

* * *

 

After Ben left Rey’s quarters he had to brace himself on a large stone pillar to keep himself upright. He has a son…

 

He has a son.

 

Ben wanted to weep at the thought that despite the Darkness that would always swirl just under the surface of his soul, he took part in creating the bright light that he felt across their bond. Jacen was so new…so curious…communicating through the Force with pure emotion, not yet knowing the words to put to his feelings.

 

But Rey had taken so much from Ben. They had dreamed about starting a family. They were to fall sleep each night and wake each morning next to the other. He had wanted to come home from a meeting and have Rey surprise him with their happiest news. He wanted to watch his wife grow, see his child move in her womb, hear the heart beat for the first time.

 

Thinking back to the dreams that he started having on Kashyyyk, Ben had not known it at the time, but he was sure now that the Force plagued him with visions of Rey’s labor and what he wouldn’t have given to be there, to hold her hand, kiss her temple, give her strength, and then…together they could have welcomed their son into the world.

 

Just as he was about to dive deeper into that sting of thoughts, Irris came out of the rooms as well, “Ben, I’m glad you are still here…”

 

“Where else am I going to go?” He asked almost helplessly. There was no way he could leave his son now.

 

Irris gave him a sympathetic look before stepping up closer to him, “I hope she forgives me for sending that comm…”

 

Ben snorted, “Out of this whole mess that is what you are most concerned about?”

 

“No,” Irris looked slightly offended. “When I saw the condition that Rey was in and then saw Jacen…” her expression was grim as she shook her head. “I just…if the child hadn’t pulled through…if Rey had not pulled through, I couldn’t live with myself if you didn’t have the opportunity to at least see your wife and meet your son before…”

 

“We aren’t going to talk like that,” Ben cut her off. “My boy is strong and the Force will keep him that way.” He chewed on his lip for just a moment, “But what do you mean by the condition that Rey was in?”

 

“You should come with me,” Irris said before linking her arm with her cousin’s and leading him further down the hall towards her private living quarters.

 

They entered the same dining room as the last time he was on Naboo with Rey and a man and a woman stood when they walked in. “Your Majesties,” they said in unison and bowed.

 

“This is Dr. Rakshesh and Dr. Terallo,” Irris introduced her palace physicians. “They tended to Rey while the team from the hospital cared for your son.”

 

“Emperor,” Dr. Terallo stepped forward. She was taller than average, with black hair that was pulled back in a sever bun at the back of her head. “First let me say what a privilege it has been…”

 

“How is my wife?” Ben cut the doctor off, not wanting to deal with social plenties during such a time.

 

“Well,” Dr. Rakshesh, an older man with graying hair said as he stepped forward. “She should make a full recovery, and we hope that the complications will not hinder her ability to carry more children in the future.”

 

This caught Ben’s attention. As much as he hated what Rey had done, not only to him and their son, but to the Force, to the galaxy, and to the trust and formidable bond that they used to share, he did not hate his wife and hoped…dreamed…prayed that the future that the Force had shown him back on Ahch-To was still a possibility. “What complications?”

 

“The woman traveling with your wife…”

 

“Rose,” Ben answered for them.

 

“Yes, Rose, she told us that despite your son coming six weeks early, that your wife labored for over fifteen hours.” Ben tried to keep his composure as Dr. Terallo relayed the struggled of Jacen’s birth. “There was damage…bleeding, and because your son as delivered by a midwife who the majority of her other patients are nerfs…”

 

“My son was delivered by a nerf herder?” Ben asked in disbelief…remembering vividly his mother calling his father that as an insult through most of his childhood. So he turned to Irris, “Where was she?”

 

“Eadu.”

 

“That’s beyond Hutt Space! What was that woman thinking?” Ben pulled at his hair for a moment thinking about his stubborn wife crossing through the cartel’s territory to evade him. But he collected himself once more and turned back to the doctors. “What did you mean about the Empress’ ability to carry more children?”

 

Dr. Rakshesh spoke up again, “Some of the placenta was accidentally left within the uterus and caused an infection.” When the doctor saw the Emperor start to get frazzled again, he held up his hands, “We were able to preform a short procedure on her yesterday to remove any remain tissues and we have started her on antibiotics. We are hopeful that the infection, even running for the five days after the birth, was not enough to do any permanent damage.”

 

Ben didn’t know what part of the doctors explanation to take in first, but he turned to Irris again, “Five days ago?”

 

The Queen smiled with tears in her eyes, “Little bugger wanted to share his father’s birthday…”

 

A warmth stretched across the bond and Ben wasn’t sure he could love anything as much as he loved that confounding child that in mere hours had just turned his entire life upside down. He took a moment to breath and just enjoy the give and take of affection for his infant son before he turned back to the doctors, “This procedure…”

 

“Relatively minor, but we recommend the Empress rest and she will need daily injections of antibiotics to help with the healing,” Dr. Rakshesh reassured.

 

“May we suggest,” Dr. Terallo cut in and only continued when the Emperor’s dark eyes were trained on her. “Your wife is refusing pain medication and what she has been through is quite traumatic.” The doctor swallowed when she didn’t see that he was catching on. “If you could speak with her, try to convince her to take something, for sake of her own rest and recovery…”

 

Ben snorted, and the shock on the doctors’ faces meant that they misinterpreted his reaction. “You would have more luck escaping a sarlacc pit then I will have convincing my wife of anything at the present time.” When their expressions were still painted with confusion, Ben just nodded, “Thank you for caring for the Empress and our son. You have our upmost gratitudes.”

 

When the doctors dismissed themselves, Ben swayed. It was the middle of the day on Naboo, but he left Coruscant in the wee hours of the morning and had flown the entire way to Theed. Stacked that with the mental fatigue of confronting his wife and the emotional strain that his concerns for his son had put on him, Ben was down right tired.

 

“Can I take my normal rooms?” Ben asked Irris.

 

“Of course,” the Queen answers. Over the past seven months, Ben was a frequent guest at the palace and he had a cluster of rooms on the other side of the complex.

 

But he would not get his rest yet, for when he stepped out of his cousin’s quarters, another confused woman was leaning up against the wall, waiting for him.

 

“Rose,” he address with an exhale. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved to be speaking with her or going to regret it later.

 

“Tell the truth, did you even have anything to do with Dantooine?” She cut right to the crux of the matter.

 

“No,” Ben said without hesitation and held his hand out, gesturing down the hall, indicating that they should walk. When the petite woman fell in step beside him, Ben continued, “I was waiting for my wife to come home before making the evidence public, but it was completely orchestrated by Hux and his group of First Order loyalists.”

 

“And how do I know you are not lying now?” Her tone was not accusing, but her eyes were narrowed, perhaps more in desperation for the truth.

 

“I have never lied to my wife and I refused to lie to you Rose.” He pushed out an exhausted exhale, “I don’t know if I have ever seen something as horrible as what happened on Dantooine. There was no reason for all that lost of life and beyond the fact that Rey had just left me and cut off our bond…” When Rose shot him a confused look, he smiled, “She really didn’t tell you anything did she?

 

“I guess not…” Rose looked sad…hurt more than angry.

 

“Perhaps those are stories for another day, but when I got to Dantooine, I felt all of that death…all the pain, and it was suffocating.”

 

“Rey said that she could feel it too…before she ripped out her Force,” Rose looked down at her feet for a moment, _almost_ feeling sorry for Kylo Ren. “After that, she said she felt nothing…but I could tell that she was suffering.” Chancing a glance up at her companion, Rose asked, “What does it feel like…being without the Force like that?”

 

“I don’t know,” Ben answered honestly. “I’ve never turned away from the Force, maybe towards the darker parts of the Force, but never completely away from it. But I can only surmise it’s like trying to survive with only half your heart working…”

 

“Why’d she do it then?”

 

Ben could only shrug, wanting answers to the same question. So he decided to change the subject and say what he had planned to ever since finding out that Rose had survived, “We found Finn…”

 

“But how?” Rose jerked her head up, tears springing into her eyes. “He was dead before I even got to him.” She was amazed to see Kylo flinch at her words, as if the notion still pained him. 

 

“Your husband’s remains were found on Dantooine and he was given a proper burial as was accustom to the world of his birth,” he clarified. “You and your daughter are entitled to his Trooper pension and a plot of land on his home world as part of the Trooper Liberation Act.”

 

Rose scoffed, “You are kidding me…”

 

“Today is not a day for practical jokes, don’t you agree?” He offered her a soft and reassuring smirk.

 

“So all this time…” Rose tired to fathom the different kind of life that she would have had if she just stopped to ask more questions and if possibly the woman who she considered a sister was honest with her. “All this pain, all this loss, could have been avoided if Rey was just honest with all of us about what was going on?”

 

Ben flinched again, not liking, but knowing of Rey’s reasons for not disclosing their relationship to her friends on the Resistance base. So when they stopped by a large window that overlooked a garden and waterfall, Ben asked, “A year ago, if Rey was to tell you that she was engaged to be my wife…how do you think everyone would have reacted?”

 

Rose’s face lifted in shock and then understanding. “It would not have gone well,” she finally admitted. He gave her a knowing smirk and they turned to look out of the window, “Were you two happy?” Rose looked up at him, “Like before all of this…did you make her happy?”

 

He sighed and his shoulders pulled forward before he looked out upon the rows of lavender, thought back to a different time, and answered, “Incandescently.”

* * *

**AN: Goodness that was a hard one to write...but let me know what you think. I know all of your questions have not been answered yet, but give our babies time. I want to get back to the fluff as much as everyone else, but they have some work to do. The husband is out of town so I hope to get another **chapter**  out this weekend. **

**ALSO! I started up my Tumblr again (am totally lost with it!)...would anyone be interested in seeing mood boards for the chapters or pictures of what I think (basically who I would cast to play) my original characters? Drop me a line if y'all want to see some stuff and I'll put my link in here somewhere...**

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Part VIII

**Part VIII**

Ben and Rose stood together for a long time, both asking questions that neither possessed the answers to, but were eventually and thankfully interrupted when Arlan came down the hall carrying a very fussy Rylea.

Rose recognized the violet-haired woman as soon as the guard entered their rooms perhaps an hour prior. It was the woman who walked with her to the clinic on Orinda and even more of Rey's lies started to click into place. But the trooper…Arlan was kind and Rose spoke to her in hushed tones before the guard stepped forward to intervene on Kylo's command to separate Rey and Jacen.

There was something about Arlan that just urged Rose to trust her, maybe it was their few minutes spent together on Orinda, or the way that she was able to sway Kylo's hand, or the compassionate manner that she tended to Rey, but when Rose left the guest quarters to track down Rey's…Rose still had to shake her head to believe it, but her friend's husband, she saw no issues in leaving Rylea with Arlan.

"She was an absolute angel until she got hungry," Arlan admitted.

"Her short life has not been a dull one," Rose commented as she took her daughter in her arms, cooing down at the cranky babe. "She has learned to adapt…"

Both Ben and Arlan could tell that those words were another dig at being forced to criss-cross the galaxy over the past few months, so Ben stepped forward, "I can have a shuttle here within the hour to take you anywhere you want to go…" He watched Rose wither at her bottom lip but refused to invade her thoughts to see what she was having such issue with, thinking that he understood her dilemma all too well. "Or there is a groundskeepers cottage on the Varykino property that you may stay in for as long as you like."

Rose's heart was torn. She was so angry…so disappointed by Rey's lies, but she also loved her like a sister. Tears welled in her eyes because if she could have Paige, her real sister, back for just a day, even with the pain of Rey's betrayal, she would take that risk in a heartbeat. Rose just escaped a situation where her friend was running from her seemingly self-imposed problems and Rose refused to turn her back on Rey like Rey had turned her back on everyone else.

This wasn't to say that Rose was completely forgiving of Rey's choices, but she was going to at least stay around long enough to see that Rey found some happiness within her circumstance and perhaps get some answers to why her best friend couldn't trust her with the details of her double life with the one person the Resistance had been fighting the entire time.

She still held some speculation, but Rose realized that she misjudged Kylo Ren. Perhaps at some point in his sad existence, Kylo was the murderous monster Finn spoke of, but the man standing next to her, looking down at her daughter with wonder, was just as broken as the rest of them.

"I will go to the cottage," Rose said peering up at Kylo through her lashes, appraising the tired and sunken features of his face.

He reached out a hand, tracing a finger along the child's small fist that was waving out at him in interest, "She will need you."

Rose knew that he was speaking of Rey and not her daughter, but Rose wholeheartedly disagreed with him, "She will need you…both of them will."

He puffed out a breath, knowing without a doubt that his son would never question the love of his father, Jacen would never watch Ben leave and wonder if he was ever going to return. The boy would be accepted, cherished, and his power within the Force would never be seen as a cancer that was thought to spoil the host by its very nature.

But Rey…his obstinate wife, that was a wound that he knew would scar, ache, and linger for as long as he lived. Ben touched Rey's mark across his face, the first of many that marred his skin, but like the shortcomings of his parents and the physical and psychological abuse of his old Masters, the raw gashes on his soul would take time…

When Rylea fussed again, Ben offered to get one of his Knights to escort Rose to the cottage and get her settled in while giving her some privacy to feed the infant. He sent a comm to Jix and instructed Arlan to stay with Rose and pilot the shuttle out to the estate.

He wandered the deserted halls for nearly an hour before he felt like he was walking in a dream. Thankfully his body instinctually took him to his quarters and he barely kicked off his boots before falling into the bed.

The torches on the outside of the palace were lit by the time he woke, but his body still felt heavy as if the hours of sleep had done nothing to ease his fatigue. His mind was restless and Ben knew that even if he was to lie still and close his eyes, that sleep would not come again.

So he got up, not bothering with his boots and also shedding his stuffy surcoat before taking to the halls again. The string that linked the bond between himself and his son pulled and Ben was helpless but to follow.

His wife's quarters were dark and quiet and he walked with rolling steps as to not cause the normally echoing sounds of his lumbering gait. The door on the other side of the receiving room was cracked and when he peeked in, only the low light from within the incubator glowed in the corner. Pulling his gaze left for only a moment, he saw Rey sleeping on her side, facing their son, and he remembered the bond where she appeared, asleep on his desk or when he would slide his couch next to her cot so that they could lie together even with millions of parsecs of space between them.

 _Across the stars_ , he thought to himself as he noticed movement from the corner and saw the nurse Sarna shift in a high back chair. He held his finger to his lips as he crossed the room and peered down at his son.

Sarna stood and moved next to the Emperor. The baby started to squirm within the incubator and the nurse looked down at her chronometer. "He's due for another feeding," she whispered.

Ben stepped back, ready to allow the nurse the needed room to tend to his son, but she looked up at him, "Do you want to hold him while I push the feeding?" And the nurse almost wanted to laugh at the absolutely terrified looked on the fearsome Kylo Ren's face with the suggestion that he should hold his infant son.

"It is safe?" Ben asked, his voice almost squeaking.

Still trying to keep quiet, Sarna nodded and pointed to the chair that she had just been occupying. She smirked to herself at the thought of wordlessly commanding her Emperor around the room, but she quickly remembered that he was like many of the other fathers with babies in the NICU at the hospital, scared and not wanting to cause their child any more distress. So her features softened in the glow of the incubator as she unlatched the side closest to her and easily disconnected the IV running into the baby's leg.

Craning his neck, Ben watched as the nurse supported Jacen's head and bottom before sliding him out of the open side of the incubator. He wanted to tell her to stop, to put him back when Jacen let out a soft whimper, but Ben also desperately wanted to deepen the connection to his son.

"Open your tunic," Sarna instructed as she stood in front of Ren.

"Excuse me?" Ben asked almost offended that the nurse would be asking him to disrobe with his wife sleeping mere feet away.

Sarna softly giggled before giving him a challenging look, "Skin to skin contact is important to forge a bond between child and parent."

He blinked up at the nurse, wondering if anyone alive could even fathom the profound bond that he already shared with his son, but he just nodded and pulled at the crossbody tunic, creating just enough space for the nurse to place Jacen just over his father's heart.

The baby's whimpers stopped as soon as he was nestled upon Ben's chest and Sarna moved the Emperor's hand to support Jacen's bottom. "See, he already knows who his daddy is…"

Ben was lost to complete and untainted wonder…the bond bloomed, his son's light seeping into his father's hardened heart and he couldn't fathom how Han was able to leave time and time again after being gifted with such a pure and trusting love. Perhaps it was because his father didn't have the Force, maybe it was the all-consuming feelings of acceptance from a being that was half him and half Rey, but Ben knew that he would strive to never disappoint Jacen. His son would never be judged for trusting in the Force and he would never know the betrayals of the past that were born of fear.

During this time he did not even notice that Sarna stepped away and was now back with a small syringe that she attached to the tube that was treated into Jacen's nose. "He's so small," Ben whispered.

"He lost almost half a pound in the few days that he refused to eat, but your wife is lucky that he decided to come when he did."

"What do you mean?" Ben asked quietly, watching the nurse start to push what he assumed was breast milk through the tube.

"As the Empress pointed out earlier, you are a large man and if she had carried your son to term and attempted to deliver him naturally, there would have been a great chance that they both would have died in the process."

Ben remembered Rey calling him a monster that morning, and while the nurse didn't know the many meaning of the word, having it hissed at him on multiple occasion through the years, he shifted his gaze to his sleeping wife.

Could he imagine a universe without her in it? The last time they were on Naboo, when they visited his grandmother in the catacombs, Rey begged him to live on for their children and back then, when offspring were just daydreams whispered to the clouds on a distant moon, he did not know what he was promising. But now that he held his son, sensing the feelings of love, warmth, and security flowing through the bond, Ben knew that he would have been able to fulfill his wife's pleas.

He would take on legions of enemies, stroke the darkest corners of his powers, sweat, bleed, weep for his child. He would welcome the light, find the patience that his parents didn't possess, forgive, heal, love…for his son. Ben would die for Jacen, but more importantly, he would live for him too.

Even with the gaping chasm, that felt more abysmal than the crack in the surface of Starkiller that separated them long enough to prevent Rey from killing him…even with the hurt his wife had caused, Ben knew that he couldn't do this alone…he was never meant to do this alone. So as he repeated the question in his mind, could he imagine a universe without Rey in it…the answer was simply and unequivocally no.

When Rey turned against their bond and the Force he knew that he would need her back at some point, whether she came willingly or not. As much as he hurt, he needed Rey, needed her kind eyes and girlish smile. He needed her to push back against his inherent arrogance, he needed the light that used to reside within her to keep the balance.

Balance…he sighed, thinking back to how hard it had been for him to keep the balance while she was away. The Darkness called daily, but his grandfather kept him strong, his mother gave him glib guidance, his grandmother gave him hope. It may be thirty-two years too late, but he finally had the family that wanted him to succeed instead of expecting him to fail.

If it was one aspect of his life that Ben refused to fail at, it was being a father. Even if he never again felt the loving caress of his wife and if through the will of the Force, they were not blessed with any other children, Ben would not fail Jacen, of that he was implicitly certain.

So as his son wiggled on his chest, content in the bond, Ben felt as if his son's tendrils of light were sutures that would stitching back together the gashes and holes that Rey had left on him. Jacen was the way to healing and while he knew that having a child would not fix the strife between Rey and himself, clearly it had not worked for Leia and Han, Ben felt that perhaps with his son's guiding light, he could find the strength to try and forgive.

With the feeding complete, Sarna interrupted Ben from his musings, instructing him to lightly pat on the baby's back for a minute to burp him. Jacen rewards his father with a belch that could rival Bona and Ben couldn't help but chuckle in surprise. Over the bond, Ben felt the utter contentment of his son and soon the babe was sleeping soundly on his chest.

"I can put him down if you want to get some rest," Sarna offered.

"No," Ben said softly, only moving enough to peer up at the nurse. "Let him stay like this…"

The nurse took up the other chair in the room, close enough to be of assistance, but far enough away to give father and son some privacy. Sarna watched the Emperor as he touched Jacen's ebony curls, a smirk came across his full lips as he tried to press the babe's ears back against his head, and finally, Ren ran the pad of his finger down the child's forehead and soft slope of his nose.

She knew that she shouldn't be staring but it was so odd to see such a large man, who was known for his imposing gaze through a black and chrome helmet, the violent red lightsaber, and his ability to take life with the twitch of his hand…be so soft. But the five-pound child that could easily fit into Ren's palm was perhaps the safest child in the entire galaxy at this moment and Sarna said a silent prayer to the Maker that whatever differences that the Emperor and Empress had, would be amended through the mercy of the Force.

* * *

When Rey woke it was dark and she let her eyes adjust, peering up into the incubator to see her son's slumbering form…but he wasn't there and she sat up too quickly, causing her body to constrict in pain and she let out a low moan.

Then she heard a sound that Rey didn't know that she dearly missed for the better part of a year…

Ben was off in the corner of the room, softly snoring and in the dim glow of the incubator lights, Rey could see that her son…their son was tucked securely under his father's large hand. They both looked so peaceful, completely at ease with one another and Rey wished that she could reach out and just skim the surface of the bond that Ben told her was forged between father and son.

But being reconnected to her husband through the Force scared her more now than it did when she decided to cut him off on Dantooine. Laying her head back down and silently observing her men…and she wonders if Ben was even still hers?

Clutching the soft blankets closer to her chest, the hole that never healed started to burn and she let silent tears roll down her face. Her mind buzzed with questions…like what would this moment look like if she had just stayed?

She thought back to all the times she could have turned back, made a different choice and Rey couldn't place the exact moment when she realizes that perhaps she made a mistake in continuing to run. But the scars on Cale's skin, the stress to Rose's body and baby, the danger that she could have brought down upon the Wookiees and the dear people on Eadu, were all weighing on her continuous.

Rey closed her eyes, trying to summon the memories of the visions that the Force used to gift her with. In the last one she experienced, the morning of her wedding day, she felt such grief and guilt and hated to see the betrayal just beyond Ben's warm and yet loving gaze. She didn't understand the meaning and underlying warning of that vision at the time, but she did now.

Just as Han's death was Ben's burden to bear, so was the horrible and utterly tragic mistake that was the last seven months of Rey's pitiful existence. She now understood the hesitation in his eyes as the sun cast a halo around his head…but the vision showed them together. They were both reserved…but happy and Rey wondered how they were ever going to get from this moment to what she now begrudgingly still wished could be their future.

Opening her eyes again, Rey looked back at her husband holding their son so tenderly upon his chest, the babe enveloped in thick black fabric of the tunic and the splayed fingers of Ben. With each of his breaths, the low light caught on something and Rey sobbed into her hand when she saw Ben's wedding band still sitting proudly on his finger.

Why had she let fear consume her? Rey scraped at the inside of her consciousness, dipped into the deep well of the crater that sat in the middle of her chest, searching for the exact memory, the exact emotion that had set this now regrettable plan into action.

Why had she doubted him? How could a man who was so tender with her, a man who at every opportunity told her…showed her just how much he loved her, how much he cherished and respected her…how could she believe that man was capable of betraying her so?

The same fear that gripped her on Dantooine prickled at the back of her mind and she tried to tamper it down as she watched Ben holding his child as if protecting the babe from all of the bad in the galaxy. But when Rey witnessed the carnage back on the Resistance base, she didn't see the man before her now, she saw the creature in the mask that haunted her dreams and stalked her in the forest on Takodana.

In the quiet of night, Rey was trying to come to terms with what she'd done because she knew in the light of day…perhaps, not this day or the next, but soon, her husband…and Rose would expect answers and as of yet, she was not any more prepared to provide them then she would have been that day on Dantooine.

During her time on the run, the extent of her deeds was something that she put to the back of her mind, continuing to tell herself that once she was safe, once her son was safe, she would take the time to process the fact that she drew her saber on her husband in anger, in hate, wanting to kill him and Rey gripped the pillow and shook into it with the heart-wrenching thought of her hands delivering the death stroke.

She whispered a quiet ' _thank you_ ' to the Force for once again separating them before she could maim him further. But while she did not drive forward with a killing blow, was her actions, her secrets, the death of his trust…their connection…their marriage?

They would always have Jacen, and as Ben so passionately stated, he would not be separated from his son, so Rey would always have Ben in her life, but wondered to what extent Ben would allow her to exist in his. Would she just be the mother to his child or…her dead heart fluttered again at the sight of him from across the room, or would she ever again feel the worship of his lips and the weight of his love?

Rey scrubbed her face into the pillow and she vowed to ask for help…

Help with the damage of her past, help with trusting, forgiving…loving. She had once reassured Ben that they were not the sins of their blood, that they wouldn't make the mistakes of those who came before them, and in her betrayals, Rey had become the most profound hypocrite of her own words.

Her husband, so scared to hurt their children like he was hurt, so scared of his darkness tainting an innocent heart, leery of the legacy of pain and death that proceeds Jacen, but it was Rey's past, her pain, and her fear that had driven her so far into the Darkside that she tore apart a family on the cusp of greatness.

The abandoned had become the one to leave, the abused wielded a weapon against the fallen, the manipulated spun lies and put others at risk for her own jaded motives. Rey made the staggering realization that she became the monster, the creature that hid behind a mask of lies, the dark figure that wounded indiscriminately.

Rey became what she always feared, what she always hated, but she vowed, for the sake of her son, and perhaps for the sake of her own heart and the unbearable pain that she saw in her husband's eyes, that she would take responsibly for her actions. Just as she had requested Poe be tried for his crimes during the war, that he be held accountable for the pain and suffering that he caused to innocent lives, Rey too would bow before a judge and jury of one and answer for her betrayals.

With that last fleeting thought, she heard her son whimper from across the room and watched as Ben shifted in the chair, perhaps not even coming out of sleep as he turned his face to touch his lips to Jacen's forehead and rub his large hand along the babe's back.

But Jacen would not be consoled and it was because of his father's love, even as pure and honest as it was, would not fill his belly. Sarna stirred from her chair on the other side of the room and Rey listened to the nurse ask if Ben would like to continue to hold the child while she pushed another feeding.

"Can I…" Rey's voice cracked, dry from her silent sobs and thick from sleep.

Both Ben and Sarna looked up at the weak whisper in the dark and for just a moment Ben met his wife's gaze and wondered how long she had been awake, watching…but he was pulled away when he felt the nurse reach for his son. "We should try," Sarna said more to the Emperor than to the Empress, as it appeared that Ren had no intention of letting go of the baby.

One more reassuring nod from Sarna had Ren lifting his hand and the lapel of his tunic so that she could extract the child who was becoming even more inconsolable. For a moment, Ben wanted to pull Jacen back, thinking that his son was upset by being separated from the warmth of his father, but through the bond, Ben could feel that his son was grasping for something…something that reminded him of how Rey used to feel through the Force.

Fully coming awake Ben no longer felt tired, his son was the respite that he needed, the light that soothed his soul, something Rey used to be able to do for him, but now Ben would draw his balance from another. And he wasn't sure if it was the relief of not feeling as if he could fall apart at any second, the hours of rest and bathing in light, or just the pure compassion from his tiny son that was driving his words, but Ben spoke, "He's trying to find you in the Force…our son is looking for you."

Rey, who was completely focused on her son being carried towards her, snapped her gaze to Ben at his words. Her brows creased and she tried to process what he said. Ben could feel what Jacen was feeling, they had a bond and Rey felt a pit of jealously settled within her gut, but for the first time since she had birthed him, her son needed her and Rey started to weep, nodding her head and whispering, "Thank you, Ben…" before allowing Sarna to rest the child in the cradle of her arms.

Shifting some, Rey sat cross-legged on the bed, her attention shifted completely to Jacen and the nurse who was making sure the feeding tube would not hinder the baby from nursing said, "If he will latch, we can talk to the doctors about taking out the tube tomorrow."

Ben thought that he should look away, feeling through the bond how incredibly special and personal this moment was for his son, but he couldn't. In another life, if day five hundred and twenty-seven never happened, Ben would be sitting behind his wife, cradling her to his chest as she fed their child. He would kiss her temple and tell her how beautiful she was, how much he loves her, and how grateful he is for her giving him a son.

But this was not that life, and so Ben sat across the room, watching Rey's face instead of staring too long at her engorged breasts. Even under the billowing nightdress, he could tell that her body was still round, and he yearned for lost moments from months past. Curling around her in their bed, splaying his hand upon her swelling belly and feeling his child move within her womb. She would push him away when he gripped at her hip and kissed at her neck, telling him that she felt huge and not sexy, but his desire for her would only grow with her ever-changing body.

Ben scrubbed his hands over his unshaven face as the images of gently entering her from behind as they lay curled upon each other. He would whisper love and promises to his wife and for his child into the curve of her neck as they fell into bless together. He tried to picture Jacen in the nursery on Coruscant, how Ben would pace around the small room trying to quiet his son so Rey could get some much-needed sleep and he would tell his son that through the greatest love and with the grace of the Force, this amazing little boy had been created under the duel setting suns of Ahch-To, just like the two orbs that seemed to glow off the nursery walls.

"He's doing it," Rey said with a gleeful but teary laugh.

"Very good," Sarna reassured softly. "He just needed a little more help and practice." The nurse would never dare say aloud that she felt that the child was only improving with the presence of the Emperor. She easily concluded that there was an unspoken issue that separated mother and father during the pregnancy, or for the whole pregnancy since it seemed that the Emperor was ignorant of the child's existence until the day before.

Rey traced her finger down the shell of her son's pronounced ear, drawing a swirl on his round cheeks, before tucking her finger into his tiny fist. His grip was strong and Rey dipped her head to kiss her son's fingers.

His bright eyes fell closed and thick dark lashes were a stark contrast to his alabaster skin as he seemed to sink further into her tender breast, and Rey thought that she had never been more in love with anything than in this moment. Her heart raced at the memory of the emotions she felt when she married Ben, and for a split second, Rey almost let herself go back down another dark path of self-doubt, but as she let the warmth of those memories completely wash over her, Rey thought that even that love was outshined by the feelings currently blooming in her chest.

Jacen grunted and squeaked, rooting deeper into his mother breast, also missing this connection and if the babe could speak, if Rey could feel him through the Force, he would be apologizing for worrying her so. He would reassure his mother that he was not trying to leave her, he didn't want to join his family in the Force, he wanted to stay with her…but he also needed his father.

Scratching his nails over the right side of Rey's chest, he was trying to coax her to fill the void just under the surface with her light. He was his father's son…he was not patient, he would be demanding the connection to his mother that he so firmly had with his father.

With that fleeting thought, Jacen reached across the bond for his father. Ben felt a pull in his chest, his son wanted him close, but Ben wouldn't budge. This moment was not about him, not about his son, this was for Rey and he was aware enough to acknowledge this, despite his deepest instinct to soothe, encourage, and protect his family.

So he just sent a push of warmth over the bond and advised his son to enjoy the moment with his mother and he heard the satisfied whimper from his spot across the room.

Rey smiled at her vocal little boy and a tug within her chest made her look up. Ben still sat in the chair, reclined and relaxed but watching her and Jacen intently. Part of her wanted to reach for him, but a much more primal ache in her soul feared his rejection, so she just asked, "What is he feeling?"

Ben was taken back for a moment, wanting to tell Rey to return to the Force and she could feel it for herself, but her expression was so open, yearning, and he decided that he could do her this simple kindness. So he sat forward, placing his elbows on his knees and holding his chin in his open palms, a small smile pulled at the corner of his lips and he answered, "He's happy."

* * *

**AN: Come visit me on Tumblr: thedangertaylor**

**I have posted pictures of what my OC look like in my head (or people who could play them) along with that I will doing some mood boards and silly musing while I'm writing.**

**But what do you all think about the chapter? A little softer, but we are not out of the woods yet folks!**

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Part IX

**AN: Goodness you guys...sorry for the delay but this was emotionally draining for me to write and I needed to get it right. I want to thank my beta/Muse for putting up with my insecurities over this chapter and I know all of you will also send your love my way.**

* * *

 

 

**Part IX**

 

 

Once Jacen drank his fill, Rey lifted him to her shoulder, patting at his back. This is when she noticed that Ben was shifting from his spot and moving towards them, her breathing may have stopped for just a moment. But he strode right up to the side of the bed, running his left hand down Jacen’s back, the cool metal of his wedding band burned Rey’s skin where her rings should sit and her husband dipped down to place a simple kiss to the crown of his son’s head.

 

With him this close, Rey could smell his shampoo…all cedar wood and mint. Her breath shuddered as she thought of the hot steam of their shower back on Coruscant, the slip of his wet skin and the warmth that had nothing to do with water temperature. Panting, she shifted her pained but also wonder-filled gaze up to his.

 

Ben didn’t allow his eyes to fall to her lips, he just held her gaze for a long moment, both of them trying to convey feelings that they could not yet put words to. Breaking himself from the trance that her hazel eyes always drew him into, Ben straightened, pulling his hand from its spot over hers where it had instinctually settled, and cleared his throat, “I’ll allow you to get some rest. You will move to Varykino in the morning.” 

 

Rey didn’t have a chance to reply as she watched him saunter from the room, but she didn’t let her mind wander too much to her husband as her son puffed in sleep on her shoulder and she fell even more impossibly in love with the babe.

 

Breakfast was brought to her quarters about an hour after daybreak. On the tray was a large bowl of warm oats sprinkled with small seeds and drizzled with honey. There was also a mix of cut fruit, a cup of juice, and a dish of tea.

 

“The Emperor ordered foods that would aid with your milk production. He was very concerned about your son regaining his strength now that he has taken to nursing,” Sarna said as she took Jacen for a diaper change and to allow his mother to eat.

 

Rey wasn’t sure if she should feel offended that he was interfering on something so personal or set at ease that he was conveying, through food at least, that he wants her to be the one to provide for their son. Either way, she wants to try to feed Jacen again, so she eats the breakfast with the manners of a Jakku scavenger, wiping her mouth with her forearm and gulping down the tea before licking the sweetness from her lips.

 

Sarna giggled, handing the baby back to his mother and taking the tray from Rey’s lap. Rey started him on her left breast this time and the nurse commanded for Rey to take a hot shower and express after the feeding to encourage new milk to come in.

 

After Jacen was fed and sleeping soundly, Rey took Sarna’s advice, feeling like she still smelled slightly of nerf and knowing that she needed some relief for how tight her chest felt. The five days when Jacen didn’t nurse thankfully did not cause any harm to her breasts, having been warned about blocked ducts and infections.

 

When she was done in the fresher, she skin no longer felt dry from the recycled air of space and she slathered her arms and chest with the same rose oil that was kept on her vanity on Coruscant. Also to her surprise, she saw the silver-plated hairbrush on the countertop and she wondered about these small comfort items that seemed to have appeared overnight.

 

Running the brush through her hair, she thought of her husband, and how he had expected…and hoped for a very different reunion. He brought the items that would remind her of home…the home that they built and the home that she had so foolishly ran from.

 

Patting at her eyes, Rey walked back out into her room with just a robe wrapped around her body and Sarna pointed to a pile of clothing that was sitting on the now freshly made bed, “Those were delivered for you while you were in the shower.”

 

Looking through the items she saw that they were also from her closet on Coruscant and the hole in her chest ached to be filled with something…but what her soul was begging for, whether it was the love of Ben or her connection to the Force…she was still too much of a coward to ask for either of those back yet.

 

Some of the clothes were too small for her and she almost hoped that her body would retain some of the plump curves that pregnancy had afforded her, but she chose a simple wrap dress that has some give around her postpartum belly. This dress also gave her the ability to sit in the chair that Ben occupied the night before and easily access her breast to feed a very eager Jacen.

 

The chair smelled of her husband, the same cedar and mint mixed with amber and a hint of something spicy. Rey may have relaxed into the plush wingback, she may have closed her eyes and imagined that he was sitting behind her, enveloping her in his warmth, his signature, his steady presence in the between. When she finally opened her eyes, pulling herself from the daydream, Jacen was looking at her with clear but dark hazel eyes, his left hand pressed over her heart as he fed and Rey wept.

 

She could not place her emotions. She was happy to have this connection to her son, like so many other mothers who were not linked to the Force, but also knew that in his own small way, Jacen was asking for more. She knew that during this time their family should be filled with love and hope, not clouded with hurt and betrayal. Above all of it, Rey knew without a doubt that her current situation was utterly and devastatingly her own fault.

 

Swallowing down her guilt, Rey tried to just be in the moment with her son, running her fingers through his dark hair and then letting him drift to sleep after he was done nursing.

 

Right as she was fixing her dress, Arlan knocked before walking into the room, “I’m sorry to intrude, but the Emperor has instructed that you pack your things and prepare to move out to the country house.”

 

Rey nodded with just the slightest tight-lipped smile, not wanting Arlan to think that she was upset with her. Turning to Sarna, Rey asked, “Can you get together anything Jacen will need?”

 

“I’m sorry again Rey, but Ren means just you,” Arlan looked as if the words caused her pain.

 

“But Ben said that,” she choked on her own breath for a moment, “that our son could stay with me…”

 

Arlan came further into the room, “He did and he will. Jacen will have his feeding tube and IVs removed and one more check over by the doctors before joining you later today.”

 

“How do I know that he won’t just take him back to Coruscant as he threatened before?”

 

Grabbing the hands of the woman who she once considered a dear friend, Arlan vowed, “I will personally stay with Jacen and make sure he is returned to your arms, but if I may speak candidly…”

 

Rey swallowed thickly while nodding, always wanting Arlan to be honest with her, even though she knew that this particular conversation would hurt. Taking in a steady breath, Arlan gave Rey’s hands a reassuring squeeze, “Right now, I’m not sure you have any right to question Ren’s integrity, but if you can’t trust him, then please trust me.”

It felt as if Rey was stabbed through the chest with a saber. Arlan advocated for Rey the prior day, but this was a solid remaindered that the guard’s first and true loyalty was to the Emperor. Ben did say that Rey would hold her title but no power until she could be trusted with such a responsibility of making decisions for their family and their Empire.

 

Blinking back tears that she refused to shed, Rey gave Arlan a sad smile, “Will you help me?”

 

Sarna tended to Jacen while the two other women moved around the room. Rey gathered her personal items from the fresher while Arlan packed away clothes. Soon the violet-haired guard was taking a collection of bags from the room as Rey settled down to give Jacen one more feeding before she was due to depart.

 

Not thirty minutes later Cale knocked on the door frame, “We are ready for you, Empress.”

 

Rey kissed the crown of her son’s head whispering, “Mommy love you so much. Be good for the doctors and your father.” She then handed him over to the nurse and begrudgingly joined Cale by the door.

 

Arlan was in the receiving room as Rey was led out, “I won’t take my eyes off him, I promise.”

 

This gave Rey some comfort but she still cried the entire way to the small private courtyard where her shuttle was waiting. Thankfully Cale had offered her his arm to guide her through the twisting halls. Once on the shuttle, she moved to the cockpit to take her spot but stumbled when Ben was already flipping the ignition switch for the ion engines.

 

He heard her gasp in realization and looked over his shoulder. “Arlan insisted that she stay with Jacen,” his tone was nonchalant and he continued the takeoff sequence. Out of the edge of his line of sight, he saw Rey settle into the seat next to him and started plucking away at the console to shut the hull door.

 

Cale awkwardly settled into a seat in the main hold and attempted to not appear to be eavesdropping. He was relieved that his Master granted his request to remain with the Empress. Even though he failed to retain Rey on Lianna, Ren knew that Cale would take saber burns and blaster fire before he let any harm come to the Empress.

 

The shuttle fell into a staggering silence. The last time they made this flight was after Rey met Irris for the first time. Rey was wearing a silk gown and Padmé’s jewels. Ben had taken her back to Varykino where she commanded his body and their lovemaking that night was only bested by that of their wedding day. Rey pressed her thighs together and tampered down the bubbling feelings deep in her gut.

 

Being this close to her was unnerving. Over the past day, Ben was in the same room as her, but his focus was on his son. Now with it just the two of them, in such tight quarters of the cockpit, he was able to just be surrounded by her. He fought to not just outwardly stare at her, but what truly washed over him was her smell.

 

The soft aroma of the rose oil he brought her from Coruscant filled his senses and it makes him think of all the times she had fallen asleep in his arms. Back then their life had still been a lie, she was never really his to keep, and each morning he would wake wonder when she would leave him again. In all actuality, Ben should not have been surprised by Rey’s behavior after the attack on the Resistance base.

 

He shook his head, having to tell himself that this was different. Before Dantooine Rey would always come back, she would always greet him with a smile and a kiss so filled with love. He was always able to feel her across the bond and it made him sure of their devotion and future.

 

But now as he shifted his gaze over to her in the co-pilot’s seat, he felt nothing…

 

Rey sat flesh and blood beside him, having just been a vessel to carry and birth their son, but in the Force, her essence was absent and she was utterly and terrifyingly void of light. Ben knew that this didn’t mean that she had turned dark because the passion that he was used to feeling over their bond was also missing. When they used to come together, Ben would be overwhelmed by her emotions, her signature, but now it was as if he was just looking at an image of her, of the woman who used to set his soul on fire.

 

The flight was short and due to the smaller size of the shuttle they were able to land closer to the estate than in the MK3 but this time, Rey did not go running down the ramp, did not sprint up a green hill, breathing the fresh air in…no this time she sat unmoved for a long moment before Ben cleared his throat and gestured with his arm that she should leave the cockpit first.

 

Rey wasn’t sure if he was being gentlemanly or if he was scared that she would try to take off and run again. If only she had the courage to tell him that she was wrong…that she would never leave Jacen…or his father, ever again.

 

But when she moved to the main hold, Cale was already gathering a few bags in his arms, “I’ll go open the house up and place these in your quarters.”

 

Offering just a small smile in gratitude, Rey started to walk back to the bunk room to collect more of her clothing that would fit until she lost more of her postpartum weight. As she pulled items out of cubbies and closets, she noticed that Rose’s things were gone and she let fat but silent tears roll down her cheeks. This was something else that Rey must take responsibility for, but losing her best friend hurt just as much as tearing the Force out from within her.

 

Wiping at her face, Rey drug at duffle bag behind her down the short hall back into the main hold but stopped short, “No! Don’t…” she tried to warn but it was too late. 

 

While Rey was in the crew’s quarters, Ben took it upon himself to go through the many drawers and cubbies in the main area. He found what was to be expected, dehydrated foodstuffs, tools, spare parts, but in one drawer tucked under a bench seat he saw the rest of the Jedi texts that Rey had taken from Ahch-To and he ran his fingers along their cracking spines.

 

Pulling the drawer out further, he saw a box that was about the same size as the books but nowhere near as old, so he pulled it out, standing while studying the outside marking…a small arms ammunition box, but it wasn’t heavy enough to still hold the live rounds within.

 

As his thumb ran along the lid, that was when Rey stubbled back into the space and cried out for him to stop, but this just intrigued him further. A million possibilities ran through his mind, but the thought that weight him down the most was the prospect that he would find even more evidence of her betrayals within.

 

His gaze shot to hers and the expression on her face was nothing short of distressed. Maybe it was proof that Rey really was unfaithful with Poe, or how she had always planned to leave him and was just using him to make the Supreme Leader weak and overthrow the First Order. He couldn’t care about the fresh tears that started to run down her face as Ben lifted the lid and then looked down at the box's contents.

 

The breath was sucked out of his lungs, “I told you not to…” Rey’s voice was small even in the meager shuttle.

 

Balancing the box in one hand, he reached in with his other, running the pads of his fingers along the rough parchment of his letters to her, the purple velvet ribbon from the truffle box that he had seen her wear in her hair on countless bonds, his first saber, the purple kyber from Mygeeto, the piece of himself that he thought he was following this entire time.

 

Rey watched him rifle through her box of Ben, picking up items that he had not given to her but still held meaning…a dried flower from the meadow on Endor, a control knob from the Star Destroyer on Jakku where they had made love, a matchbook from the restaurant on Noonar, a pebble from the beach on Ahch-To…

 

When he turned to face her again, he had that same gutted look from Crait, when the bond connected them at the end of the battle. She hurt him so badly on the _Supremacy_ , denying him and then fighting against him on the salt covered world, but in that last bond, when he wordlessly begged her once more to join him and she shut the door of the _Falcon_ in his face, he had felt this same gutting pain.

 

It was that same expression that freshly split her heart in two. It was now that he realized that everything they had was real, that there was no ill intent in building their relationship, that they loved each other and could have had the future the Force showed them on Ahch-To.

 

But Rey had changed, she turned, didn’t believe, didn’t trust, and now they were both set to suffer for it.

 

Looking back into the box, Ben reached back in once more, and when he pulled his hand away, a thin gold chain was wrapped around his fingers, Rey’s wedding set twists and clinked together in the artificial light of the shuttle. He wanted to say something, wanted to cut her further to her core, but when he chanced a glance her way, she was already sobbing into her hands.

 

As dismal as this entire scene seemed, it gave Ben just a flutter of hope and he dropped the rings back into the box, closed the lid with an audible click and gripping it in his large hand, thrust it towards her. Through teary eyes, Rey saw just a ghost of compassion in the pinch of his brows and she took the box from him, pressing it to her chest and wrapping her arms protectively around it.

 

Ben walked up to her, towering over her, and for a moment Rey’s heart jumped thinking that he may try to kiss her. The implications of him doing such a thing raced through her mind. Would she turn away, or remain steadfast? Would she melt into him, forsake the box to throw her arms around his neck and pull him impossibly close?

 

Her eyes were wide and her breath panting as Ben reached down, grabbed the straps of her duffle bag and then straightened, gesturing out with his hand that she should exit the shuttle first.

 

Rey just stared up at him for a long moment before swallowing down the lump in her throat, lowering her head and looking at the pressed durasteel floor as she walked towards the ramp, overly aware that he was only a step behind her. The emotional swings between turned on and terrified were started to wear on her and Rey’s shoulders slumped with exhaustion.

 

Wordlessly she walked off the shuttle, letting the cool air that swept down from the hills and over the lake wash over her. This place, more than any other place in the galaxy felt like home, and she drew in the fragrant scent of lavender and wisteria. If she closed her eyes and forced down all the pain of the past seven months, she could almost picture this very moment but during a different time.

 

She could picture them coming here as a small family of three. Ben would dote over her and their son, making sure that her favorite tea was stocked and that the nursery wouldn’t be too drafty. He would watch from the terrace as she lay out in the garden with Jacen as they watched butterflies land on the purple blooms. They would watch sunrises and sunsets together. Each night they would lay in bed with Jacen between them, cocooning their son in the warmth and protection of their combined Light.

 

But instead, she was brought back to her reality as Ben pressed his hand to the small of her back and pushed her forward towards the house. Just as quickly as he could get her to move, he removed his hand away from her back, flexing his fingers before balling them into a fist. The magnetic pull was still there and if he continued touching her…he might be tempted to…no, he shakes the thoughts from his head again.

 

It had been so long since their first meeting that Ben forgot what effect Rey had on him. On Takodana he abandoned the search for the droid because he found her…the girl. He fought through pain and injury for her, he stood up to his Master and suffered the consequences for it. Then there was the bond, the touch, the understanding, and she had given him the strength to shed his chains and kill his Master.

 

Rey causes him to be reckless and in his moment, in their current situation, reckless was also dangerous…reckless would get him hurt again, and that was not a risk he was willing to take, even if it meant taking her in his arm again after all this time.

 

They moved into the entry of the home and off to the right where they stayed the last time they were in residence. Their stay on Naboo had been short, but it was here where they planned out the rest of their lives. It was here that Rey spoke of their children and finding each other in the Cosmic Force once they passed on. They promised each other eternity and that was not a promise that Ben intended on breaking.

 

For a moment Ben thought about his parents, their toxic relationship that not even a child could mend. He believed that Han and Leia loved each other, but perhaps they didn’t know how to sustain that love, letting jealousy, ambition, and short tempers get in the way of what was good for their family.

 

But Ben vowed to do what was best for his family. He would still his temper. He would attempt to communicate. He would put in the work and just prayed that his relationship with his son would reap the benefits of his efforts. As for himself and Rey…just thinking of divorce made him want to retch, and he quickly concluded that was not an option. So he would give them time…he would give himself time.

 

Standing in this room with her was almost suffocating and they both avoided each other’s gaze and also avoided looking at the bed…or the ottoman in front of the large mirror across the room. Finally, Ben cleaned his throat, “You will stay here with our son until other arrangements can be made. Cale and Jix will ensure your safety…”

 

“You mean make sure I don’t escape,” Rey said out of the corner of her mouth before she could stop herself.

 

Ben’s eyes turned hard, “Do you want to keep running, Rey?” He took a step forward, “There’s the door,” he pointed to his right. “The shuttle is right out there, but if you run again, you will never see Jacen again…”

 

“No,” Rey said with large eyes. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just not used to being…” she rolled a few words around before settling on, “I never enjoyed being…kept.”

 

“Well, you will be _kept_ here until you can be trusted to be _kept_ elsewhere.”

 

Rey bowed her head, “I understand.”

 

Letting some of the tension ease from his shoulders Ben continued, “Arlan and Tyris will join you here as well and they will run the house in my absence.”

 

“Your absence?” Rey looked up at her husband.

 

“I will be staying in the palace for the time being.”

 

Nodding, Rey let her gaze drift back to the plush carpet under her feet. Of course, he wouldn’t want to stay with her, but this shouldn’t bother her since she was the one who instigated this separation. Knowing she shouldn’t, Rey shifted a glance over at the large bed that they were standing at the foot of and shivered, missing and longing for his warmth.

 

“Thank you for sparing Arlan and Tyris.” Rey sniffled for a second, “It will be nice to have a friend and I’m sure that you will miss Ty’s cooking.”

 

Perhaps she was trying to lighten the mood with small talk, and Ben felt his guts constrict. “Arlan was always meant to be your courtesan and I also don’t have the heart to separate them now…”

 

Rey let the first genuine smile pull at her lips, “So they finally stopped pretending that they weren’t mean to be together?”

 

Ben lifted his hand and kneaded the back of his neck, “Yeah, they tried to keep it from me, think that it would upset me…” he chanced a glance over at Rey. “You know with my wife running out on me and all. But I am benevolent and gave them my full blessing.”

 

Chewing on her lip, Rey understood his backhanded words and once again let her gaze fall to the floor, “That was kind of you.”

 

Ben took one more step forward, “I made a promise the last time we were on this world, that I wouldn’t fall to the Darkside if I was to lose you.” He was so close that he could smell the rose oil again and he spoke in a deep and telling tone, “I never deceived you before and I wasn’t about to start the second you made the worst decision of your life.”

 

He couldn’t let her sniffles or her shaking shoulders effect him. He couldn’t let himself be swayed by her crocodile tears. So he just took a step back from her, speaking as he walked towards the door, “I must get back to the palace for Jacen’s appointment with the doctors. I suggest that you get settled in and Arlan will bring our son to you later this afternoon.”

 

Rey watched his black-clad form retreating from her and she padded forward quickly, catching herself on the doorframe and calling out to him in the hall, “Ben…where is Rose?”

 

Pausing in his long strides, he peered over his shoulder, “She needed time, Rey. We all just need time.”

 

With that, he started walking again. Rey only let herself sink onto the floor when she heard the ion engines of the shuttle fire and drift away from the estate. Cale came into the end of the hall at the sounds of her sobs, “Is there anything I can get you, Empress?”

 

“No,” Rey cried and shook her head. “Just like the Emperor said…we all just need time.”

 

Rey let herself wallow for perhaps another ten minutes before she picked herself up off the floor and went to put away her clothes and personal items in what was to be her prison cell. Long ago she hoped that this would be their home and maybe one day it would be again, but for now, she was a sparrow with broken wings trapped in a gilded cage.

 

Within the hour Jix arrived at the house and Rey wondered where he had been as she did not hear so much of a speeder come to deliver him. He only offered a curt bow and grunted, ‘Patrolling the grounds,’ to her inquiry. Ben’s words from the day before rang in her head, she had no power here, she was not one to command or question. She was to be _kept_.

 

She ventured out onto the terrace, watched flocks of birds fly so close to the water that their wingtips cause ripples on the otherwise sleek surface. The sun was warm on her face and she walked down the stone steps into her garden, slightly horrified at the state of it.

 

‘It’s your fault,’ echoed in her mind but the voice was gruff and Rey shivered, placing it with her old master. ‘You ruin everything, girl. No wonder your parents didn’t want you.’

 

Gripping at the sides of her head, Rey sank down to her knees near a patch of lavender. “No,” she whispered to herself and to the memory of Plutt. “It’s not true…they want me…they would have come back for me.”

 

Her hands slid from her head to her chest, clawing and trying to piece the hole back together. It had been a long time since she let the piercing words of Plutt wound her. When she was small, before she went out on her own and found the AT-AT, she was the victim of his constant verbal and emotional abuse. She was made to feel that she was nothing…believe that she was worth nothing and reminded time and time again that no one wanted her and anyone who made her believe so, would only betray her as her parents did.

 

Perhaps one day she could look back on that time in her life and realize that Plutt was just trying to break her, to make her completely dependent on him, make it to where she would stop trying to run, stop fighting, stop believing in anything that wasn't his truth.

 

Rey was a survivor, a scavenger, someone who saw value in the discarded, she could polish garbage into something worth half a portion and live to see another day. But as she wiped her face and dug her hands into the rich soil of her garden, pulling weeds with vigor, she was at a complete loss on how to salvage her heart and soul, her friendships, her husband and bond to her son…she had no conceivable idea how to save her family.

 


	10. Part X

**Part X**

Rey stayed in the garden pulling weeds until her fingers were stiff and caked in dirt. Cale stood steadfast up on the terrace watching her but also giving her space. He wasn't sure what to feel about this situation, it seemed that their entire team...the family that they had created under the leadership of their Master and his Mistress, was split in two and even Ren himself didn't know how to mend them.

It was no secret that after Rey thoroughly throttled him in this very same garden and after she bestowed his Knighthood upon him, that the cocky rookie Knight had a soft spot for the Empress. But was this affection enough for him to overlook the months of pain, of searching, and the scars that he now bore from her saber?

Rubbing at his right upper arm, he mused that now he had a scar that matched Rey's and he had to chuckle to himself, wishing to be a fly on the wall in that throne room when his Emperor and Empress actually worked together to defeat Snoke and bring down the First Order. He wondered if they could ever go back to that, to the two strongest Force uses working together to fend off the evil in the galaxy and pave the way for the next generations to know peace.

He wondered if baby Jacen would ever know peace or if he was just another doomed Skywalker to suffer the fate of his own family.

Cale was attempting to reconcile his personal feelings with his sense of duty. He would protect his Master's wife and child, would treat the Empress with respect and reserved kindness, but he also refused to take up arms against her. Even without her Force, Cale knew that Rey was a strong and formidable fighter. But if the Empress was to try and run again, if he was to let her go, Cale knew that Ren would come for the Knight's life first before setting off on another mission to capture instead of rescue Rey from her own circumstance.

He prayed that Rey wouldn't try to run and he hoped that the little kindness that he was planning to show her during her...confinement at the estate would prove that she could have a life with them again, the life with Ren that Cale heard them speak of often.

Who he truly felt sorry for apart from his Master, was Arlan. She was closest to Rey and she was not in the room when Hux rattled off his madness. Arlan wasn't there to see the quick and righteous justice that the Knights enacted against the remaining members of the First Order.

What Arlan did get to experience was being the only one who was able to see their Master at his weakest. She would pick him up, clean him up, and get him to go on. There was never any question of their deepening bond being anything other than platonic, and perhaps Arlan's strength reminded Ren of Rey, but the fact of the matter was that Rey was not there when her husband needed her the most and the Knights and guards had done their best to keep Ren from falling to pieces.

Cale offered Rey access to his mind back on Lianna and that offer would stand. He would make sure that Rey knew the truth, the truth behind the attack, the truth of their suffering, and lastly the truth of their relief but also leeriness over her return.

* * *

Arlan and Irris stood with Ben in the receiving room and he wanted to shoo them away, promising them that he could be trusted with the newborn, but he realized that they were just as in love with the little guy as his father was. Irris kept touching Jacen's feet, cooing how small they were and how she just wanted to kiss them until they fell off.

"Should I be worried about the safety of my son's toes in your care?" Ben asked with a smirk as he saw Jacen's face scrunch up almost in a smile at his cousin's teasing.

"There is no doubting that he will be the most loved and most spoiled kid in all the galaxy," Irris offered back, kissing at Jacen's little toes again and ignoring Ben's glib comment.

Sarna stood off to the side waiting to offer the doctors any assistance. She was thankful that the Emperor requested one of her colleagues from the hospital and not the palace doctors. The pediatrician and NICU staff were all satisfied with the small amount of weight that the baby gained over the past two days of nursing.

Ben only let go of Jacen when he absolutely had to, but when it came time to remove the tubes and he heard the shrill cry when the IV was pulled from Jacen's leg, Ben swooped back in, picking up his son and slamming open the bond.

Jacen calmed some with the warm presences of his father and Ben cooed down that he was being such a tough little man. Then came the feeding tube and Jacen wailed again. Ben wasn't sure how such an angry noise came from such a small person, but what surprised him the most was within the bond, Jacen was searching for his mother.

His eyesight wasn't completely developed yet, but Jacen searched for the voice, the smell, the touch of his mother and when he couldn't find it, he screamed louder. Supporting his son's head like Sarna showed him, Ben tried to console Jacen, but no amount of rocking or swaying would do.

He tried to think back to why he sent Rey ahead to the estate and all he could come up with was his own selfish needs. Ben wanted time with his son, he wanted to be able to sink into the bond without being under the watchful gaze of his wayward wife, but a deeper part of him wanted to hurt Rey by not allowing her to be here and his son showed him in an ear-splitting manner, that the only one hurt by this was Jacen.

Irris came up beside Ben and touched his forearm, "Let Auntie Irris hold him..."

As he transferred his son over to the Queen, he said with some snark, "Auntie?"

"Well fifth-cousin Irris doesn't have the same ring to it," and Irris held the baby to her chest, gently shushing him and rubbing at his back.

When Arlan came to stand beside her Emperor he spoke without looking down at her, "He wants Rey..."

"I told you that you should have..."

"I know," he snapped out, but then puffed out a breath. "I'm sorry. I just wanted some time with him. He only six days old and I feel like I have already missed so much."

Before any other words could be exchanged, Sarna walked up to the Emperor, "Would you like to feed him?"

Ben blinked as if he had been asked how to balance the Force, "Can I...am I allowed to..."

Sarna just gave a warm smile before bringing him over to another wingback chair. Ben sat and looked around the room anxiously. He held the baby during a tube feed and briefly watched Rey feed Jacen the previous night, but he didn't know what he was supposed to do and his palms began to sweat. Fears raced through his mind, what if he did it wrong, or dropped him...

He was about to call it all off when the nurse approached him with Jacen tucked into one arm and a bottle in her free hand. Before he could utter a decline, Sarna placed the baby in his father's large hand. Ben supported Jacen's head in his palm as the baby's long body stretched down his forearm.

His son was fussy at first, wouldn't take the bottle and Ben again questioned his rash decision to separate Rey and Jacen, even for these short hours. "Come on, kid. Work with me," Ben pleaded just above a whisper.

Finally, Jacen stilled, feeling his father's desperation through their bond and he blinked his glassy eyes as if giving in. He suckled the bottle of his mother's breast milk and reached up, closing his tiny fist around the thick finger of his father.

They were both absorbed with each other. Ben was lost to his son's cherub face and Jacen bathed in his father's perfect swirl of Dark and Light. The next time Ben looked up, only Sarna moved around the room, gathering items that would need to be taken out to Varykino that afternoon.

His son's eyelids became heavy just as the bottle was drained and as he was shown the night before, he cradled his son to his shoulder, lightly patting and rubbing at his back. Soft snorts and grunts came from Jacen as he slumbered on Ben's shoulder.

Without a word he stood and walked towards the door but was surprised to see Arlan sitting on a bench just outside of the guest quarters. He attempted to bypass her but she called out, "Ren...I promised Rey I wouldn't take my eyes off him."

"She still thinks I will take him away from her," He spoke in low tones as to not wake the baby so soundly sleeping in his arms.

"I think she is just as scared and confused as the rest of us."

With a sigh, Ben inclines his head, "Well I am going for a walk with my son and you are welcome to join if you must."

They walked the bight halls of the palace for almost an hour, neither spoke, mainly with the excuse that they didn't want to wake Jacen, but also because they were lost in their own minds. Ben felt his son dream and was completely in awe of the bond, while Arlan thought about her new assignment.

Ever since meeting Rey on Er'kit, Arlan knew that she liked the small woman so full of spunk and passion. Through her visits with the Emperor, Arlan came to know Rey and came to love her as a sovereign and as a friend. She knew that once Rey and Ren brought about peace to the galaxy and Rey took her rightful place at her husband's side, that Arlan would be assigned to Rey's household...but she never expected it to be like this.

She knew there would be children with the way that Ren and Rey went at it like teenagers, she expected to make sure the Empress was ready to deal with matters of state, she even wouldn't be surprised with having to break up more than a few saber fights, but going into this post with a broken heart was not what she ever counting on.

When Jacen started to stir again they made their way back to the guest quarters where Sarna walked the Emperor through his very first diaper change while he cursed and wondered how so much could come out of something so small. Arlan may have giggled from across the room. "We better get him back to his mother before he gets hungry."

Ben gathered his freshly changed son back into his arms and walked with the two women out into the courtyard where he landed the shuttle just hours before. Once they reached the ramp Ben handed Jacen off to the nurse who would also stay with his son and Rey until Jacen was medically cleared. "You won't join us?" Arlan asked.

"I promised that I wouldn't separate Rey and Jacen, but I'm just not ready to..."

The guard with violet eyes reached out and gripped his forearm reassuringly. "We searched for her for so long and now that she is found...it's like..." she lost her words knowing that this should be a happy time, but all they felt was devastated and empty.

Ben reached out, stroking his fingers along the tick marks that he only noticed on his flight back from Varykino. Just like himself, Rey started their clock again, wiped the slate clean as if the first five hundred and twenty-seven days of their relationship never happened or were meaningless, but so much happened during that time and he ached when wondering what their new five hundred and twenty-seven would look like.

"We can't go backward, we can't take back our words or our actions," he looked down at his trusted guard and let his hand fall away from the hull door. "We just have to move forward and trust that the Force will make right what was so horribly led astray."

Turning further into the shuttle and crouching in front of the nurse, Ben laid his hand on Jacen's head and opened the bond again before bending forward and kissing his son's forehead.

Back out in the courtyard he watched the shuttle take off and he started to question if he could be away from his son, even if it was by a short twenty minute flight outside of the city, but as much as he yearned for Jacen's presence, he also didn't think that his heart could take being around Rey. He knew that words said in anger would only further hinder any ability for them to heal.

Rey was his Empress, his wife, the mother of his child, and if she ever opened herself back up to the cosmos, his equal and balance in the Force. None of these facts became irrelevant with her misguided decisions, his love and compassion for her did not disappear completely, it was just fortified behind a wall that he wondered if they would ever overcome.

So with a fatigued mind and heavy heart, he made his way back into the palace and to his quarters to meditate and seek guidance through his connection to the Cosmic Force.

* * *

The comm unit on Cale's wrist beeped and he called out to the Empress, "They are leaving the palace if you want to come inside and get washed up."

Even though she had pockmarks from gravel on her knees, Rey jumped up and raced towards the house. She wouldn't be able to get away with not taking a shower especially since she wanted to try and nurse Jacen as soon as she could get her arms around him, so she entered the fresher, again trying to ignore the feelings that being back in this place elicited in her.

Slipping on a fresh tunic just as she heard the ion engines approaching, Rey moved as quickly as her still healing body would allow, hardly noticing Cale falling into step behind her, as she exited the house and waited on the grassy plane just outside the gates of the estate.

The sight of her son bundled in blankets and being held in Arlan's arms made Rey want to drop to her knees, but she just stepped forward and looked down at a sleeping and thankfully tube free Jacen. "How did he do?" She asked looking up at the guard and scooping her son out of Arlan's hold.

"Wasn't the biggest fan of having the feeding tube removed, but I think Ren was in worse shape than this little trooper."

Rey's gaze came back up again, her eyes asking the question that she didn't need to speak.

Arlan just sighed, taking Rey's elbow and leading her back towards the house as Tyris and the nurse worked to unload the shuttle. "Ren worries about your son and with whatever bond he has with Jacen...it seems their feelings affect the other, but I guess you would know more about the influence of the Force than me...or perhaps you once did."

Deciding to ignore the verbal dig that hurt Rey more than it should, she just focused on her son, taking him into the house, settling into a chair to feed him and then getting him down for a nap.

Apart from being constantly watched over by elite guards and Knights of Ren, Rey's life felt almost normal. Sarna was teaching her everything she needed to know about caring for a newborn and Rey also wanted to beg the nurse to stick around for the toddler and teen years which she read were the worst.

A week into her confinement, Jacen spiked a fever and before Arlan could even send a comm up to the palace, Ben was landing the MK3 out on the lawn. Sarna gave the baby some medication and watched him closely but it was only when Ben came sweeping into the bedroom that Jacen started to calm.

"Let me hold our boy," he said as he reached for Jacen and Rey begrudgingly handed over their son.

"He called to you, didn't he?" She asked.

Ben just nodded, rocking the child and then pressing his son to his chest. Seeing the hurt on Rey's face, that their son would want his father for comfort over his mother, Ben decided to give her a token of hope, "He wonders about you often."

Rey's gaze rose to meet her husband's, "What do you mean?"

Looking around them, Ben noticed that Sarna had slipped out of the room and they were alone in their sleeping quarters with just their son to come between them. This realization made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end and with a pleading expression, hoping that Rey would understand his discomfort, Ben paced from the room but did make sure to pause long enough to see that Rey was following.

"In the bond, like our bond was, we are able to exchange information...feelings and memories mostly." In each new room they entered, the guards seemed to slink out wordlessly in order to give the Emperor and Empress privacy, and Ben finally came to a stop out on the terrace. The day was bright but a cool breeze came off the lake so he tucked the knitted blanket further around his son.

"He gets so excited when I show him memories of you with your saber," Ben said while smiling down at Jacen.

"You showed him our duels?" Rey said in disbelief. "He's two weeks old and you are already showing him that kind of violence?"

Ben's expression dropped into impassive anger and he fought to not bare his teeth at her, "If you are asking if I showed him both times you held a saber to my neck with the intent to kill...the answer is no, but Jacen knows that he should have this same bond with you and is so confused why you are denying him."

Rey's mouth opened and closed a few times, not knowing how to reply, and before she could, Ben spoke again, "My son wants me here and it would be more pleasant of a visit if I didn't have you questioning my parenting decisions." He nodded his head towards the house, "I will have Arlan fetch you when I am finished."

Again Rey opened her mouth, going as far to also reach out her hand, an apology just hanging on her tongue, but she couldn't bring herself to speak. During her entire pregnancy, she was Jacen's sole protector, his sole provider, she would have given anything to have even just one parent love her as much as she loved her son, so perhaps it was hard for her to let go of some of that control. She may have even caught herself snapping at Cale for leaving a window open or Tyris for setting a cup of hot tea too close to the edge of her nightstand while she was nursing.

More than anger, Rey felt embarrassed and gave a tight-lipped nod before crossing the terrace and going down into the garden. She rationalized to herself that she would be far enough away to give Ben the time he needed...the time he deserved with Jacen, but also close enough that she could hear her son cry.

Between feedings, naps, and being ever thankful for Sarna's presence, Rey had been working on clearing some dead roses out of a bed in the garden. The thorns left their marks along her forearms and palms and she spent that first day crying over the obvious symbolism and her heart ached for Rose, wondered about Rylea, and hated that they were not raising their babies together as they planned.

But Rey knew why Rose needed space. She knew why everyone needed space. Arlan was around when needed but the guard was not going out of her way to be overly friendly. The dreams of walking arm in arm with the women who loved and encouraged her seemed so far off and Rey wished she could go back...could pause, breathe, and ask a simple question.

More than coming to terms with her own decisions, thinking back to that day on Dantooine, when the bond opened and she reacted instead, Rey questioned if she would have even trusted his answer if she had just asked if her husband had anything to do with the attack.

He begged her when he came back late from the mission on Mairne, he asked her to never doubt their love, connection, and the fact that he would always come back for her. Why did she doubt him when it mattered the most?

Her internal interrogation only caused her to stab the hand trowel harder into the compacted soil as she prepared the bed for planting. "How are you going to come back from this one?" She whispered to herself.

Ben walked up to the stone railing, a drowsy Jacen in his arms and he watched Rey work in the garden. The moment that she walked away, Ben's posture caved in and he sighed. He hated when she looked so broken and he almost wanted to yell at her to fight back. If his parents showed him anything about marriage, it was that at least they were passionate in their quarrels and each time Han walked away, Leia would cry, muttering to herself that the scoundrel hadn't even cared enough to stay and fight for them.

Each time that Rey stayed silent, each time she just cried, and wouldn't meet his gaze, he waited for her to care enough to do something...anything to show that she was willing to work on this as well.

Jacen stirred in his arms, replaying the more innocent aspects of their courtship, how Ben had been patient with Rey, slowly and softly gaining her affections, and Ben had to snot down at his wise little son calling the Emperor of the galaxy out on being a complete ass to Rey.

"I'm still so angry," Ben admitted down to his son. "Your mama hurt me so badly...but I'm trying. I promise, I'm trying," and he nuzzled his forehead to Jacen's as if they were solidifying an unbreakable pact.

So they stood on the terrace and watched Rey work in the garden. It was interesting to see his wife, Rey of Jakku, who scraped for enough water to just sustain herself, so adamantly working in the flower beds. She had loved this place, dreamed of their family here, and through the bond, Ben showed Jacen his mother running through the grassy hills, laughing, and looking up at Ben with such love and joy in her eyes.

Growth, he thought to himself as he watched Rey pull out what was dead and decaying. She was trying to fix what was broken, she wanted to nurture something barren into something beautiful. She was trying, and perhaps if he could be less imposing and demanding, if he could be more accommodating to her feelings, then she would fight, she would care, and they could start to move forward in whatever capacity of their relationship that was still salvageable.

His son whimpered and then started in on a full out cry, calling out for Rey in the bond, and as Ben looked out over the garden, seeing Rey turn to look over her shoulder, soil staining her hands and streaked across one of her cheeks, Ben thought about a very different future than the one they were experiencing now. One where she would once more smile up at him instead of cowering away in fear, and he was resolved to also grow and...try.

* * *

Ben held on to Jacen long enough for Rey to get cleaned up and then he watched her take him away to feed him, change him, and get him down for his afternoon nap. Sarna promised to keep an eye on the temperature and call for the doctors if needed. He exchanged a long look with Arlan who had been sending him daily updates and even taking pictures with her datapad that she would later comm over to him.

He would not admit it yet, perhaps even to himself, but it was killing him to be away from his son, but each time Ben saw his wife, a piece of his soul reached out to her. But each time it was met with the stagnate silence of their broken bond and her absent Force, and he found it even harder to move towards understanding how they had gone so wrong, so quickly.

Rey continued her routine of feeding her son every few hours and finally, just after sundown, she ate her own supper with the rest of the household…well except for Jix who she would only see a few times a day with nothing more than more curt words of doing boundary sweeps of the property.

When the moon was full and reflecting off the dark lake waters, Rey yawned while feeding Jacen once again. As much as she enjoyed the bonding, the way he studied her with his dark hazel eyes, or how he pressed his small hand to her chest, at this late of an hour Rey was starting to feel like one of the milking nerfs from Eadu.

Her breasts were sore and her nipples starting to chap and she felt no hesitation in showing Sarna, begging for any relief. Pumping, a hot shower, some salve, and rest was what the nurse prescribed and as Rey thanked the blonde woman with deep skin, her thoughts floated to Rose, wondering how her dear friend was doing this…being a mother, all alone.

Rey fell asleep with very little resistance from her body or mind. It may have been minutes or hours later when she woke to a cry, but as she came to, she realized that it was just one of the water birds that would come to roust around the estate. Since she was awake, she figured she could attempt to feed Jacen and then get a few more hours rest.

The room was dark and quiet as she padded over to her son's bassinet. Looking down Rey's heart started to race when she saw that it was empty and she frantically moved around the bedding as if she would find him under the simple blankets. Gazing around the room, she didn't see Sarna, but one of the terrace doors was open causing the gauzy curtains to billow in the night air.

Grabbing the knitted blanket from the bassinet, Rey moved towards the terrace, hearing a musical humming coming from just beyond the doors. She paused just long enough to see Arlan rocking Jacen and singing a low melody, but then as a chilled breeze rolled in off the lake she snapped, "What do you think you are doing?"

Arlan's face whipped around and she saw Rey striding towards her, "I could tell that you were tired, so when he got fussy I gave him a bottle so that you could rest."

Rey looked as if she'd been slapped, "What gives you the right to decide what is best for me or my son?"

"Empress…" Arlan tried.

"I can take care of my son," Rey held out the blanket and took Jacen back into her arms. "He's sick…he's fragile, you can't just…"

Arlan closed her eyes for just a moment, taking in a deep breath, but the woman before her was not her ruler, not the wife of her Master, Rey just was a friend who betrayed her and couldn't even be bothered to acknowledge that Ren isn't the only person hurt by Rey's actions.

So as she released Jacen back into his mother's arms, Arlan broke, "And who's fault is that, Rey?" When she only received stunned silence in reply, she continued. "Everything you have done since Dantooine has put your son at risk and you are so blinded by fear that you can't see that despite all the pain you have caused, we are just trying to help you!"

Rey bristled, holding Jacen tighter to her chest, "How dare you talk to me…"

"No," Arlan cut her off. "How dare you." Narrowing her eyes and pointing her finger, Arlan felt tears well in her eyes, "I loved you, trusted you! You weren't just my Empress, you were my friend, and you just left, cut us all off!"

That same feeling, like a saber, was piercing her heart made Rey stagger and her hardened expression crumbled, "Arlan…I…I'm sorry…"

"Sorry doesn't fix the sleepless nights not knowing if you were alive or dead. Sorry doesn't earn you back any of my trust or respect and it sure as hell won't get you very far with the rest of the Knights who had to feel Ren's pain through their bond.

"I promised you that I would ensure that you were not separated from your son and I promised Ren that I would look out for you and I intend to keep the promises that I make." She took in a calming breath, closing her eyes and allowing a few tears to slip down her tanned cheeks, "I only wish that you would have kept your vows and I am keeping mine."

Rey wanted to call out to the guard, wanted to offer some words that would convert the that she too wished for the same things…that if the Force could send her back in time to do it all again…but what was done was done.

Nuzzling her nose into the fine but thick curls atop Jacen's head, Rey spoke down to her son, "I only did what I thought I had to in order to protect you, but instead your mama hurt a lot of people, including your daddy. Now I pray to the Maker that I can atone and one day be free of all this pain."

* * *

**AN: I have to say that I have some pretty amazing readers. Your comments have been inspiring. I can't express how humbled I am by the responses saying how this story touching each of you emotionally. Thank you for hanging in there with me...I think the next chapter will be very pleasing to you all.**

**Please remember to keep your comments coming...they truly keep me going and come visit me on Tumblr ([thedangertaylor](https://thedangertaylor.tumblr.com)), I post mood boards and repost way too much Reylo art.**

 

 

 


	11. Part XI

**AN: I had every intention of writing while I was on leave from work for a small surgery, but pain pills make my head fuzzy and make me want to do nothing but sleep!**

**But I was able to come out of the fog for a little while today and get this wrapped up for y'all. It's taken me more chapters to get where I am going, but we are getting there. I hope you enjoy and want to thank all of you for your love and support in advance. **

****Big old Thank you to my Muse who put up with my drug induced rambles.** **

* * *

 

**Part XI**

 

It’s day two hundred and twenty-six and Ben is settling into the cockpit of Rey’s shuttle, but he is not heading out to the estate to see his son on his three week birthday, he is going to the groundskeeper's cottage...he is going to see Rose.

 

Just like with his wife and son, Ben was getting almost daily updates on Rose and Rylea, but now that Rey’s dearest friend had some time to come to terms with the lies of the past two years, Ben figured that it was time that he make peace with the small but feisty woman.

 

Truthfully he was enjoying the anonymity of taking out the smaller shuttle as the MK3 gained too much attention and the press was starting to ask why the Emperor was again spending so much time on Naboo. He knew that Rey would need to make an appearance soon, but had no idea how to broach the topic with her. Scrubbing at his stubble, he mused that he could just order her to stand at his side and smile for the cameras, but he also vowed to try, to be kinder, and deep down he wanted her to stand at his side because she wanted to, not because he held this unwanted power over her.

 

“It shouldn’t be like this,” Ben spoke to himself as the shuttle crested a ridge and started to land the shuttle about a hundred paces from the small cottage.

 

Rose was standing on the porch that wrapped around two sides of the wooden and stone home. Smoke curled from the chimney and he saw that Rose planted a small kitchen garden on the northeast side of the property. Rylea was balanced on her mother’s hip and waved her hands as the ion engines wound down.

 

“I was beginning to wonder when you would turn up,” Rose addressed causally as Kylo walked across the grassy hill.

 

Ben looked down at his feet and even let a small smile pull at his lips. He thought that apart from Rey, Rose might be the only other woman in the galaxy that would never bow to him, regardless of title or location. It was he who needed to earn her respect and for that purpose, he left his saber in the shuttle. “I was told that you were running low on tea and that Rylea is outgrowing her clothes.”

 

Rose just snorted, amused by his sorry excuse, but also was intrigued why he personally made the trip out to her small part of the Naboo countryside. The door closed behind her and Rose looked back and saw her companion stiffen.

 

“Don’t worry Jix,” Ben said while holding up his hand. “I’m here on a social call.”

 

“Of course, Master,” Jix bowed slightly before shifting his gaze to Rose for a fleeting moment.

 

Rolling her eyes, Rose moved forward, grabbed a thick blanket off the porch railing and walked right past Kylo, “Rylea needs some sunshine today. Would you like to join us,” she offered, looking back over her shoulder.

 

Ben almost tripped over his feet, but walked after Rose, took the blanket out of her arms, and laying it out where she instructed. Jix moved with them, but kept his distance, standing on the top of a hill and looking out over the property.

 

Laying Rylea down on the blanket so that she could look up at the different shapes that the clouds were forming, Rose sat on the edge of the blanket and pointed for Kylo to take the opposite side. “So...” she started.

 

“So...” Ben echoed.

 

They both let out breathy chuckles at the sheer awkwardness of this meeting and Rose decided to give him some direction, “Why don’t you start from the beginning.”

 

And he did. Ben told Rose about Han and Leia, about his youth and the voice that was always such a comfort in the turmoil of his mind. He spoke of his conflict and the Academy, about Luke’s betrayal, and even added in few short stories about Jix who remained steadfast up on the hill. He liked to see the slight flush that came to Rose’s cheeks as she gazed upon the Knight.

 

Ben talked about Snoke and the concept that he needed to be broken, shed Ben Solo, become Kylo Ren and be rebuilt into the soldier that Snoke needed. He spoke of the Darkness, the feeling of being drunk on power and each time he would surface, his damaged souls cried out for more.

 

When he got the part concerning the strengthening of the First Order, Rose asked questions. Her sister died in a bombing run and even though Rey had placed most of the blame on Poe disobeying direct orders, Rose had to know. Kylo looked off into the distance, admitting that he was aware of most of the moving of the military, but that Snoke and Hux maintained complete control.

 

Rylea became fussy and Ben turned his head to give Rose some modesty as the baby nursed. He continued the tale, talking about Starkiller and the utter pain that the death of the Hosnian System caused him through the Force. In the same breath he admitted that he thought the superweapon was a cowards way to win a war and even though he vowed to finish what his grandfather started, he knew with the might of the Force, he could achieve victory without destroying entire worlds. Being privy to his mother’s pain each Remembrance Day, Ben never wanted another Death Star.

 

He was completely honest about the bond that was formed on Starkiller when Rey invaded his mind. “So you could see each other...talk to each other through this Force bond?” Rose asked.

 

Ben nodded, “We couldn’t control when it happened, but it was as real as me and you sitting here together.”

 

Rose thought on this for a long moment before she started laughing, “That lying little hussy.” When Kylo gave her a concerned look, Rose pressed her fingers over her lips to tamper down her giggles, “On the Resistance base, the walls were thin and we kept hearing...” she cleared her throat and gave Kylo a pointed stare, “noises coming from Rey’s room.”

 

Kylo blushed, knowing exactly what Rose was referring too. Once they had a taste of each other on Mygeeto, both Rey and himself were insatiable. “Sorry about that...” he said, not remorseful at all because those were some of the best months of his life.

 

“Oh,” Rose cried out in laughter again, “my poor numbskull husband actually brought it up once and had the nerve to ask Rey what she was doing in there!” Kylo didn’t reply, just pursed his lips and quirked up an eyebrow, so Rose continued. “From that point forward we just thought she had an active immigration and strong fingers.”

 

Ben barked out a laugh and for the first time in months, he let a genuine smile, that didn’t involve his son, crease his cheeks and show his slightly crooked teeth. But their joy faded out and a more somber tone took over their little spot on the grass and Ben picked at a loose thread of the blanket. “I’m sorry about your husband...about Finn.”

 

Rose thought that Kylo would only know her husband by his old trooper number, FN 2187, but after everything she heard during their strangely intimate meeting, she knew that there was more to the Dark Knight then she ever expected. So she sighed, “Thank you for laying him to rest.”

 

Nodding again, Ben looked at the baby now sleeping on the blanket between them, “I can’t imagine not knowing Jacen.”

 

Rylea pursed her lips in her slumber and Rose smiled down lovingly on her daughter, “She will know her father, and if all this business with the Force is true, I know that Finn will always be with her.”

 

This made Ben ponder, having interacted with ghosts of the Force a few times since becoming Emperor, he thought about the prospect of only knowing his son from the beyond. The bond that he once shared with Rey and that he now had with Jacen was so rare, so undocumented and unstudied that he wondered if a bond could be forged between the living and the already passed on. His mind was drawn back to his conversation with Rey in the catacombs and he shook any of those thoughts from his head. They were promised a long and...he swallowed, a long and happy life.

 

Rose watched Kylo’s mind drift, his eyes looking out into nothing and she let him stew in his thoughts for a moment before asking the most important question, “What are you going to do about Rey?”

 

Ben sighed and his shoulder slumped forward. “I love her...I will always love her...”

 

“But you don’t trust her,” Rose added, knowing exactly how Kylo was feeling. 

 

“How can I?” He let his gaze shift to Rose for just a moment, seeing the same pained expression on her face. They were from two different sides, fought against each other, but in their love of Rey, their pain as the result of her lies, they were so similar. Beyond any past animosity, he would assure that the widow and child of someone he once cut up the back and called a traitor would never want for anything and perhaps one day, his looked out at Jix, know happiness once again.

 

Running her fingers along Rylea’s tiny arm, Rose looked across at Kylo, “For what it’s worth...the entire time we were running, Rey was really scared...”

 

Kylo snorted, “Scared of being caught in her lies I’m sure.”

 

“No,” Rose corrected, gaining Kylo’s full attention and she almost wanted to laugh with the presumption that he must have needed the helmet to hide the undoubtedly readable expressions that crossed his features often. “She knew you would hunt her down, at the time I thought it had something to do with her power in the Force or what not, and I begged her to comm you, tell you to piss off.”

 

Both corners of their lips upturned at her admission but Kylo remained silent. “We saw the good you, and I suppose also Rey, were doing in the galaxy and I figured that if you knew she was pregnant, then you would cut her some slack and let her live out her life with her child.”

 

“Back when you thought it was Dameron’s?” The question made his guts twist.

 

“Yeah,” Rose said with pink cheeks again. “Perhaps believing that was a bit naive on my part, but she never corrected me and the possibility that it could be yours was never even a thought.”

 

“I only wanted my wife back,” Kylo tried to reason.

 

“I know,” Rose gave a shallow nod. “After Dantooine, I think Rey truly believed that you ordered the attack and she thought that you would come for her, that you would kill her too,” she swallowed, “and kill your son.”

 

Ben actually felt tears start to burn in his eyes, “How could she still think I am such a monster?”

 

Perhaps Rose knew that his question was rhetorical, but she answered anyway, “Just playing devil’s advocate here, but your track record before Crait wasn’t that stellar.”

 

Rose’s expression was so open and honest that Ben had to chuckle as he swiped a tear off his scarred cheek. “I guess our sins never leave us...”

 

Reaching out, Rose did something she never thought she would, she placed her hand on Kylo’s forearm in a confronting gesture. “But Dantooine was not one of your sins...was it?”

 

He shook his head, trying not to be ashamed of the tears that now freely fell. Rose gave him a sad smile, hating that so much fear, pain, and damage had been created out of a misunderstanding. “Well, then I hope you killed the basters responsible.”

 

A smile ghosted on his lips again and he was aware of the lightness in his chest that Rose’s companionship had caused. As if to wordlessly thank her for her kindness, Kylo placed his rough hand over hers, patting it a few times before he spoke, “I cut his fucking head off for taking everything from me.”

 

Rose squeezed his arm once more, “Your wife and son are not gone, they still flesh and blood. I’m not saying that your future will look the same as before the attack, but at least you have the opportunity to try.”

 

Ben knew that she was speaking of the finality of Finn’s death, that someone dear had truly been taken from her, so he just nodded again. “She needs you, Rose.”

 

With a sad but hopeful smile, Rose replied, “She needs us both.” 

 

Surprisingly, both Rose and Ben were enjoying each other company and the candidness of their conversation. He had to wonder if this feeling of ease...their ability to just be and talk without threats of bodily harm, would be possible if they didn’t have Rey’s betrayal in common. His wife always had grand dreams about their children being raised with Finn and Rose’s. Before Dantooine, Ben thought it would be his transgressions that would prohibit that dream, but now it appeared there was another barrier to that version of their future.

 

He also watched Rose and Jix move around the cottage with a relaxed casualness that he once had with Rey, like when he would fry up the eggs and she would brew the caf in their apartment on Coruscant. He missed being in her orbit, missed the tether of their bond, and the gravity of their love.

 

Simply, Ben missed Rey.

 

Ben stayed for lunch, basking in the atmosphere of almost domestic normalcy that hung around the cottage. But Rose was a grieving widow, Rylea would never truly know her father, and Jix would forever and always be a Knight of Ren. Ben knew he was perhaps delusional, skirting the lines of denial, and wanting to just snap his fingers and have his blissful future back. But this is not the family that Rose wanted and the feelings that he yearned for seemed so far away.

 

As they sat down for lunch, Ben was utterly shocked when Rose placed a sleeping Rylea into his arms. There was a sort of understanding that was formed that day. Rose trusted him with what she loved most in this galaxy, and when he looked down upon the baby girl, he saw...he felt hope.

 

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For over a week after their exchange of words out on the terrace, Rey and Arlan existed around one another, the guard didn’t go out of her way to be overly helpful and only spoke when addressed, answering each time with a bow of her head and a curt ‘Empress’.

 

Sarna continued to help with Jacen’s needs and giving the new mother much-needed breaks throughout the day. She was a newcomer but over the near month that she was in residences with the Empress, she felt that she was able to piece together the tragic story behind the separation of her galactic rulers.

 

Even with a better understanding of the at times tense feeling that settled over the house, Sarna never interjected her own thoughts on the subject, knowing that she was there for the benefit of the child and also to allow Rey time to process her own feelings.

 

Most afternoons the nurse could find the Empress in the garden, and on this particular day, which happened to be day two hundred and twenty-eight, that is exactly where Rey was when Cale came to fetch her.

 

“There is someone at the door for you, Empress.”

 

Rey looked up from the flower bed that she was currently working on with a confused expression. The only visitor she had over the past few weeks was Ben, and he never just waited at the door. As she thought about the possibility of who it might be, she hoped that it was Rose and with that thought, Rey sprang to her feet.

 

Her body was much healed and even though she did not have a saber or even her staff, she would spend many early mornings on the terrace running through forms and stretches. The postpartum weight was slowly shifting into soft curves that she never had while on the brink of starvation on Jakku. But some nights, when she stood naked in the bathroom, she would run her fingers over the stretch marks that adorned her hips and wonder if things were different and her husband was still sharing her bed, if he would still find her body desirable.

 

Rey loves the reasons for these marks, knowing that they show that she carried a child long enough to stretch her skin and she would never think about giving up Jacen to have the smooth and toned stomach from before, but the white scars across her naturally tanned skin still made her feel self-conscious of her new body.

But Rey shook these feeling from her head...Ben was not sharing her bed and she doubted there would be any of that for...she sighed...for a very long time. Her marriage to Ben was for life and if they were never able to reconcile, there would be no possibility of a lover or consort...there would just be her son and her Empire.

As she wiped off her hands and trotted for the stairs up onto the terrace, Rey prayed that it was Rose at the door. She never spoke the words, but she was utterly lonely. Jacen was on a routine of sleeping and eating and Sarna was always present, but Rey missed her friends, and she dearly wanted to make amends with Arlan and Rose.

 

Throwing open the estate’s large front doors, Rey was not met with the small woman who she once considered a sister, but rather by an elderly woman wrapped in earth tone robes that showed that she was most likely from the middle-class faction of Naboo and the older model speeder that was parked just beyond the gate also spoke of her lack of fortune or important and Rey surmised that she was not from the palace.

 

It wasn’t that Rey judged the woman for her dress and mode of transportation, she was the last person to ever look down upon someone who appeared to have worked all their lives for their station, but Rey just found the woman’s presences on her doorstep puzzling.

 

“Are you the Mistress of the house?” The woman asked.

 

Rey looked over her shoulder at Cale for the appropriate response, and he nodded his head. Rey knew that the house belonged to herself and Ben, but she was technically a prisoner in her own home. Turning back, Rey gave a weary smile, “Yes...How can I help you today?”

 

“I am to make a delivery to you.”

 

“A delivery?” Rey questioned.

 

The older woman smiled and nodded, “Come, you are to pick out whatever you like.”

 

Rey cast a glance back at Cale again, asking permission to venture out of the house, he only smiled again, unfolding his arms from across his chest, and made a shooing motion with his hand, but remained just a few paces behind her as they stepped out into the garden at the front of the home.

 

Walls of tall hedges blocked in the small courtyard and Rey made a mental note to spare some of her time to the beds here as well, seeing that they were also overgrown. A double iron gate was slung open and Rey followed the woman through them and out to the dated speeder.

 

With the press of a few buttons, the rear hatch of the speeder opened and Rey sucked in a breath in surprise. “What is all this?”

 

“I own a nursery just outside Theed and a very handsome young man came in just yesterday asking that I bring out everything a budding gardener would need.”

 

Looking back at the Knight once more with confusion, Cale held up his hands, “I may be handsome, but it wasn’t me.”

 

If Rey wasn’t so perplexed by the idea that her husband would do such a thing, she may have laughed at the woman’s flower pun, but she just ran her hands over the tools, gloves, bags of compost and fertilizer, and then burlap sacks of what she suspected were seeds. “I can have whatever I want?”

 

“The young man said, ‘Whatever her heart desires’,” the woman relayed with a kind and knowing smile.

 

With an almost dumbfounded expression, Rey just nodded before picking through the rear of the speeder. Cale came over to help lift some of the larger sacks and set them just inside the courtyard. Before long Rey had everything she needed to tackle any project around the estate grounds and as she ran her fingers along a pair of leather gloves, her chest became heavy in the lightest way possible.

 

“I almost forgot my dear,” the woman said reaching into the cockpit of the speeder. “He picked these out specifically.”

 

Rey handed the gardening gloves off to Cale and took the two burlap sacks from the visitor. “Seeds?”

 

The woman nodded, “Those Core men sure know how to weave beautiful love letters with flowers.”

 

Before Rey could ask what she meant by that, the woman was climbing back into her speeder and waving as she pulled away from the estate. Left with the two sacks, Rey inspected the tags that hung from their tied closures. “Daisies and yarrow...”

 

Cale’s voice broke her musings, “Would you like me to take these to the back garden, Empress?”

 

“Yes,” Rey said not looking up from the planting instructions on the tags. “That would be very helpful. Thank you...”

 

Her mind was adrift as she entered the home again. Thankfully Jacen was down for a nap and Rey made her way to the master suite, setting down the seeds just long enough to pick up her datapad.

 

Back on Jakku, she had a lone desert flower in her AT-AT and on Eadu she grew vegetables for their food, so to hear that these seeds or more aptly the flowers that they would grow into meant something was intriguing. The peddler’s words ran through her mind again and she wondered why the seeds Ben selected would be considered anything close to a love letter...and why would he be sending such a thing to her after...everything.

 

She typed the names of the flowers into her datapad and first studied the pictures. Daisies could come in a multitude of colors ranging from white to dark pinks and purples along with various hues in between. Rey mused that they were rather plain looking flowers, something that she might see growing wild out on the moors. Same with the yarrows, which were small flowers that grew in clusters and came in yellows, pinks, and white.

 

Rey frowned, they were nothing like the large and fragrant blooms that grew in the palace gardens in Theed. In fact, they almost looked like some of the weeds that Rey had painstakingly pulled from the beds of the side garden. “What is he trying to say by giving me weeds?” Rey plucked away at her datapad, pulling up more pictures.

 

For a moment she felt foolish as if everyone was laughing at her. She thought the old woman cruel to hint at anything other than the true meaning of the flowering...that she was garbage...to be pulled out by the root and cast aside. She already knew that was what Ben thought of her...why else would she be serving out his ordered exile here on Naboo?

 

On the verge of tears, she blew out a large breath before pulling up a new tab on her datapad and typed, ‘What do daisy flowers mean?’ into the holonet search engine.

 

More pictures of the flowers pulled up and she clicked on the first link, read the first few lines and then had to cover her mouth as a heavy sob racked out of her body.

 

_Daisies symbolize innocence and purity. In ancient mythology, the daisy is Freya’s sacred flower. Freya is the goddess of love, beauty, and fertility, and as such the daisy came to symbolize childbirth, motherhood, and new beginnings. Daisies are sometimes given to congratulate new mothers. White daisies, in particular, mean hope._

 

Before her mind could even process the full meaning behind the daisies and what they meant for her and Ben specifically, she was searching for the yarrows...

 

_Ancient tribes used yarrow to summon the Darkness or to exorcise Dark from a person and bring forth their Light. The plant became a talisman to many for courage and protection, and also for love in marriage. Yarrow also has medicinal uses on the battlefield as it was used to stop bleeding wounds. As a result, warriors have carried yarrow into battle for centuries for its healing power and the spirit the plant brings, of courage and protection to those who wear it._

 

_The protective and healing power of yarrow is not merely for those in battle. In the realm of spiritual and emotional healing, the work of the inner warrior is important for us all. A warrior focuses on the present. The warrior makes a clear decision as to what they wish to happen, objectively assess their own strengths and weaknesses, and moves forward in an effort to accomplish and overcome any boundary in their way, be it personal or environmental._

Rey read back over the holo pages and the flowers that she thought were nothing more than weeds, turned out to be so much more. Even though at times Rey couldn’t even recognize her own light anymore, Ben saw the purity of it shining through. He wasn’t sneering at her for taking his son away from him, her husband was asking her to grow something that would celebrate her motherhood and represent a new beginning...but did he mean with their son or between mother and father?

 

It was the tiny, elongated seeds of the yarrow that she pondered the most. Was she to grow the flower to tend to their open and bloody wounds? Were they both the warriors in this story, in need of spiritual and emotional healing? Was he making his intentions clear, leaning on his strength and forsaking his weaknesses, to move forward and overcome their personal boundaries?

 

Her heart raced at the prospect. She wished she had her connection to the Force so that she could draw from the energy of the seeds, such a flower that could both summon the Dark and bring forth the Light. They were balance, they offered protection...courage...and love in marriage.

 

Did Ben still love her? After everything...was it possible that he wanted her to secure, nurture, and tend to their love?

 

Scampering off to her closet, she pulled the wooden box down from a high shelf and set in on the bed next to the sacks. Lifting the lid, she shuffled through the box of Ben, pulling out each piece of parchment, reading over his script, the words that he would slip to her in their bonds, each sighed, ‘ _Always yours, B_ ’.

 

How could she have doubted? It was here, in ink, printed in his own hand the whole time. Ben was always hers, his love was always hers, his devotion was ever resolute. By some grace of the Force, and through the sweetest gesture, he was still trying to make her happy, give her whatever her heart desired, asking her to not only nurture the purity of their son, but also the love in their marriage.

 

Rey let the memories of their courtship rush over her, tried to remember each time that he was open with her, each time he taught her and included her in the leadership of their Empire. He never lied to her, even back when he was the monster standing across the snowy forest from her, he was so open, always baring himself to her. The man she fell in love with was not fully Kylo Ren, but also never quite Ben Solo.

 

Picking up his silver saber hilt, she was entrusted to guard that part of him, the part that was still the scared and ignored boy who only desired to be loved by his parents. But she had pushed him away, had tried to deprive him of that same connection to their son, and she refused to continue to wallow in aftermath of her ill-advised decisions.

 

The same efforts, the same blood, sweat, and tears that she put into the gardens of Varykino, Rey would make those same forward strides in mending the relationships with all she had betrayed, but this also included beginning with herself.

 

Rey did this to herself…there were still deep-seated fears that never dulled from her childhood that caused her to doubt, had caused her to run, and not look back. Forgiving herself and working through what caused her to turn her back on the one person who gave her everything her family and the Resistance couldn’t...was of the utmost importance.

 

She grieved for the lost connection to her son through the Force and for the limp string that used to tie her heart to her husband’s. Rey had one hand planted inside the box and the other covering her eyes as she finally let herself feel.

 

A quiet knock from across the room startled her, but Rey looked up and saw Arlan peeking around the door frame. Gone was the expression of indifference, only genuine concern pinched across her brow. “Are you alright, Empress?”

 

What a loaded question, Rey thought with an amused half smile. “Ben sent me seeds to plant in our garden.” She held up the sacks for her once upon a time friend to see.

 

Arlan wasn’t sure why such a gift would cause such a reaction in her Empress, but she pushed away from the door and walked towards the bed where Rey sat. An open wooden box sat in front of Rey and Arlan peered inside, seeing about a dozen handwritten letters, an old knob, a crystal, and a saber hilt among other trinkets. The burlap sacks were ordinary but she still smiled and offered, “That was kind of him since you do enjoy spending so much time in the garden.”

 

Rey just bit her lower lip and nodded before asking, “Can you help me with something?”

 

“I am here to serve at your will,” Arlan answered stiffly.

 

Yet another friendship that needed mending, Rey mused as she pulled her hand from the box, watching Arlan’s eyes go large, “Can you help me right the first of many wrongs?”

 

The guard knew that necklace, having gone to Orinda with Davin to deliver the gift from their Master, but moreover, it was the two rings that hung from it that gave her pause. Rey had been in confinement for twenty-seven days, Ren came and went to visit his son, but this was the first time Arlan started to see just the spark of the Empress she used to know and love.

 

So with an affirming nod, Arlan took the delicate chain and as Rey swept her hair over her shoulder, the guard hooked together the clasp at the back of her neck. Pulling away, she watched Rey look down at the ring where they sat between her breasts, “They are just as beautiful as the day you wed Ren.”

 

Rey looked up now, her hazel eyes boring into the light violet ones of Arlan, “I know what I have to do. Will you help me?”

 

The cold wall that Arlan had built around her heart shattered, “Of course Rey. I’ve only ever wanted you to fight for us as much as we fought for you.”

 

She knew that now...that she couldn’t just shrink into herself, couldn’t just roll over, show her belly in defeat, and hope that unfeeling obedience and passiveness would fix her problems. She was a fighter, a survivor, and she would don her yarrow bloom proudly while running head first into the battle for her love, her soulmate, her equal in life and in the Force.

 

Arlan watched Rey pick up her datapad and type off a comm to both Ren and the Queen before her Empress looked up at her, “Can you stay with Jacen tomorrow?”

 

“You trust me to watch over your son?”

Rey reached out and grabbed Arlan’s hand in her own, hoping that her words would ring true through the openness of her expression, “We are friends...we are family...I trust you to love and care for my son as you have honored and cared for my husband in my absence.”

 

With warmth in her chest and tears in her eyes, Arlan threw propriety to the wind and wrapped Rey in a tight hug, “Always, Empress…Always.”

* * *

**AN: I so wanted to write a scene between Rose and Ben...I hope I did right by them and so many of you guessed right about Jix!**

 

 

 

 


	12. Part XII

**AN: Wow...this one was hard too. Thank you for everyone for hanging in there with me and also coming to play in The Closet Chronicles with me.**

**But the hugest thank you to my Muse who talked me through this chapter and wouldn't let me give up when it became frustrating or started to hurt.**

**Hope you all enjoy.**

* * *

 

 

**Part XII**

 

 

Ben was just setting his bags down in the apartment on Coruscant when his datapad dinged with a new incoming message. He was back in the Core for a few days to finish setting up the Senate Committees before returning to the Mid Rim. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he rolled his shoulders, hoping some of the stress would fall away before he picked up the tablet.

 

The device read his fingerprint and the home screen unlocked. Tapping at a few icons, his messages were opened and Ben’s eyes when wide. He had expected the daily update from Cale or Jix, maybe even some correspondence from the other commissioners who would be in attendance for the meetings over the next few days, but he had to blink a few times to truly believe that Rey had sent him a comm.

 

Shifting his posture, preparing himself for the worst, Ben tapped on the message to open it. Doing the math in his head, he knew that just shortly before the message was sent, his gift to his wife was to arrive at the estate and he wondered if this communication was going to be one of gratitude or filled with Rey’s fiery snark.

 

He was able to breathe out a sigh of relief when he read over her words.

 

_Ben,_

 

_Firstly, I would like to thank you for the thoughtful gifts to help me tend to the gardens on the estate. I am eager to plant the seeds you selected for me and I am sure that with much love and care, they will make these barren beds beautiful again._

 

Ben physically had to press his palm over his heart as he felt it was going to beat out of his chest. Perhaps he was reading between the lines, maybe she was just happy to have new tools and something to do while basically on house arrest, but he wanted to think that she understood the message that he was trying to send with the flower seeds.

 

The old woman who ran the nursery in Theed was very helpful and he planned to send her something special, by decree of the Emperor, for delivering his message so clearly to his wife. He read the lines one more time, only seeing _eager, love, care, and beautiful_. But he read on.

 

_Secondly, I would like to ask permission to go into Theed and visit the palace. I have sent another comm to Irris in case there are diplomatic matters that would be interrupted by my visit. Arlan and Sarna will stay with our son, or if you would prefer, I know Jacen would love for you to come stay with him during my trip._

 

_On our first trip to the palace, you took me to see your grandmother, and I feel that Padmé was able to give me so much clarity about what our future could be. Now that we are family, now that we have a family, I feel the need for her guidance once more._

 

_Cale will accompany me along with any other guards you see fit. I also understand if you do not wish to attend me yourself._

 

_Thank you for considering my request._

 

_Your wife,_

 

_R_

 

Ben must have read the message a million times…going to the kitchen to grab a cup of caf, then back to the datapad, then to the fresher to splash water on his face, datapad again, then through the door that connected their bedroom with the nursery…

 

He stayed here for a while. Since finding out that he actually had a child to put in the nursery, Ben ordered a crib, changing station, stocked shelves and closets with diapers and clothes, anything Jacen would need for a trip to the Core.

 

Maybe it was wishfully thinking, but Rey’s words, her hints, and slight touch-less caresses from her comm gave him the foolish desire to hope that one day his family could come home.

 

So he sets down the plush toy in the shape of an Elite Trooper that Davin said Jacen just needed to have, and walked back into the sleeping quarters. Picking up the datapad, he tapped out his reply.

 

“Rey…” he sighed her name aloud as he typed.

 

_Rey,_

 

_I regret to relay that I am currently in residence on Coruscant and am sorry the I will miss your visit to the palace and the opportunity to spend time with our son. Perhaps when I return, you can bring him into Theed, I am sure Irris is missing him as dearly as I am._

 

_Your request to leave the Varykino grounds and seek solace with Padmé is granted. Please arrange your visit with Irris and Davin who remains on Naboo._

 

Ben took a breath and continued to type.

 

_I’m glad you will find a purpose for the gardening tools. I used to find holidays at Varykino rather boring in my younger years so I am pleased that you have found something to occupy your time, though I am sure our son keeps you busy. He is very demanding for attention over the bond and I am helpless but to concede to his mighty whims. Reminds me of his mother in that aspect._

 

His lips pulled up at the sides thinking of the many bonds when he had to call meetings short or just walk out with just a lust filled gaze from his wife.

 

_I have no doubt that you will be able to take something seemingly forgotten and left to rot and bring it back to its previous splendor. I know that you will fix anything you put your heart and mind into, not because you were once a scavenger from Jakku, but because you are the strongest person I know._

 

Reading back over his reply, Ben knew that if he sat here all night, he would write her a novel, but knew that they both were not ready for that. They were sending flowers and turning phrases to say what they really wanted…what they really needed to say to one another.

 

So he checked it one more time, closing the message with ‘Your Husband’, but shook his head, hitting the delete button before rolling his lips into his mouth and over his teeth, worrying at them in thought. After a long moment and three more failed sentiments, he ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his face, allowing the Solo smirk to just pull at his lips before his fingers ghosted over the datapad.

 

_Always yours,_

 

_B_

 

He hit send and released the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey had to wait an extra day to make the short journey into Theed but she was not bothered by the delay because it gave her time to send her own blooming message back to her husband.

 

She was surprised to read in his reply that he was back in the Core, and even though she loved Naboo and the fresh air of the countryside, she also missed their little corner of the city world. Any time she was there, even with billions of life forces buzzing around her, Rey always felt it was intimate and she never felt so at ease...so free.

 

The day she received Ben’s reply, she stayed up most of the night rereading each word, looking for the same hidden messages that she had hinted within her message. Up until now all of their conversations and inactions had revolved around Jacen, so it was nice to have something that was just hers.

 

She thought about replying back to him but decided to do as Ben had and convey her feelings through flowers. That same nervous but excited feeling settled in her gut, like in the bond when they would just share passing glances or subtle caresses, even when they were in rooms full of people.

 

Her biggest take away from his comm was that he most likely loved their son more than life itself, which she found no fault in, but also that he had faith in her, believed that she could mend what was presently so utterly broken. Through all of their struggles he knew that she would fight for what she loved and while weakness had caused her to run, it was her strength that kept her and Jacen going and it was that same force of will that would bring their family back together.

 

So the next morning she asked Arlan for a credit card and the address to the apartment on Coruscant. The guard gave Rey a suspicious sideways glance, “What are you up to Rey?” She had asked.

 

“Nothing that needs to go into the daily report that is sent to my husband that you think I don’t know about,” Rey had answered simply before pulling the offered golden card out of Arlan’s hand.

 

The two women started to spend more time together, Rey began taking her dinner out in the main dining room with Cale, Tyris, and Arlan. Jix was very obviously missing and if she didn’t see him each morning for breakfast and get her daily flat affected head tilt and ‘Empress’, she would have thought that Ben reassigned him off her care.

 

But on day one hundred and thirty Rey kissed Jacen’s head while she waited to board the shuttle that Davin had flew in from the palace. “Mama has something very important to do but I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He cooed up at her, reaching for the rings that now dangled around her neck and she while knew he was reacting to the singsong tone of her voice and not her actual words, but she still smiled down on at him.

 

And remembering a piece of Ben’s comm, she then whispered, “Your daddy has very important things to do for the galaxy right now, so maybe cut him some slack with the bond and I’ll make sure he comes to see you as soon as he can.”

 

Jacen’s expression almost pulled into a frown and Rey thought that her son had never looked more like his father than in this moment and she had to laugh again before turning to Arlan who was holding him. “Thank you again for this.”

 

“Any time, Rey, even though this little guy can be just as demanding at Ren sometimes.”

 

Rey and her sore nipples couldn’t agree more. Surprisingly Jix was standing just inside the front courtyard and Rey suspected it had something to do with Cale going into the city with her. She appreciated that he would be around to protect her son, but also found it strange, and rather hurtful, that he was never around when she was in residence.

 

“We should be off if you are to make lunch with the Queen,” Davin called out from his place next to the transport.

 

Kissing Jacen’s black curls once more, a spring wind blew down off the hills and swept up the billowing skirt of Rey’s dress.

 

Irris had requested that Rey come dressed as the Empress, so Arlan helped picked something out of the closes that was even more full of dresses. “Ren had faith that you would come back and he wanted to make sure you had everything you needed,” the guard had relayed with a somewhat forced smile.

 

So after spending countless hours over the past few weeks studying the life of Padmé, Rey took a style from the deceased Queen’s arsenal, she also saw Irris’ influence in the more daring design. The day dress was made of almost sheer fabric but had panels built in to maintain modesty. Its primary color was that of deep pink hollyhock blooms but the lower third of the dress, when the sun caught it just right, shone iridescently. 

 

The design had the dress wrapped around the soft curves of her body, the fabric just draped over her breasts and the neckline fell deep to her mid abdomen. As the dress swept around her back, it was fastened just over her right shoulder, almost creating a cape that sailed out behind her.

 

If there was one thing Rey learned by analyzing Padmé’s wardrobe, it was that the woman knew how to command a room through fashion and once she gained their attention, then her real work began. It’s easy to rule if all eyes are already trained her way.

 

But fighting the wind, Rey gripped the cape of her dress and allowed Davin to help her on to the shuttle with Cale following close behind. She didn’t assume that they would let her fly, so she settled into one of the seats in the main hold.

 

“If I may,” Cale started, “I would like to say that you look breathtaking today Empress...it is just a shame that the Emperor is out of system and will not get the pleasure of looking upon you.”

 

Rey turned her head towards the Knight with her own crooked smile, “When did you learn how to talk to the ladies? I expected something more along the lines of, ‘You look hot in that dress’.”

 

A blush rose on his pale skin, “Firstly, I wouldn’t dare call you hot, even if Ren is thousands of parsecs away, and a dear friend once told me that if I didn’t act like such an ass all the time, I might have more luck with woman.”

 

“Your friend sounds wise,” Rey mused.

 

Cale smirked, “But of course that was after my Empress threw me around like a rag doll and forced me to apologize.”

 

Rey remembered that the first time Ben brought her to Naboo and they stayed at the estate. She had felt Davin’s embarrassment, it poured off of him and she didn’t even need to tap into his mind to feel it like it was her own. There once was a time when she felt shame for loving Kylo Ren…her Ben, back when she just knew that her friend would never understand.

 

“Your Empress sounds just,” Rey teased.

 

But Cale’s face turned stern and sorrowful, “She was once...” His blue eyes held the gaze of her deep hazel irises and he knew his words had stung her, so he continued, “And I dearly believe that she can be just once more.”

 

She was brought back to the throne room, when she stood before Ben, both of them covered in sweat and bloodied. He told her that she came from nothing...that she was nothing...but not to him. Rey swiped a finger under her eye, cursing herself for not taking his hand the first time he offered it.

 

“Why do you have faith in me?” Rey asked as the ion engines hummed around them.

 

Cale sighs and leans his head back against the seat, “For the same reason that my Master does, I suppose.”

 

With her brows pinched together, Rey leans forward, “And why’s that?”

 

“Ren knows you. He knows your past and your future. He knows your Light and your Dark.” The Knight reached out and gripped Rey’s hand as she started to sniffle, “He knows your strength and your weakness and he loves you because of all of that and not in spite of it. We see that and we see you, Rey. I have to believe that you had a good reason to run when you did.”

 

Wiping at her tears, Rey was thankful to only be made up in waterproof kohl liner that Arlan said brought out her eyes and a light dusting of rouge. Even though the words came from Cale’s mouth, she could hear them in the way that Ben would whisper his love and devotion into the curve of her neck as he held her close. This made her cry harder, “That’s just the thing, Cale,” she looked up at the Knight with such sorrow in her eyes, “I don’t even know what that reason is anymore.”

 

Cale only offered a tight-lipped smile and patted at her hand before they both let the shuttle’s main hold fall into silence for the rest of the short journey. It didn’t escape Rey’s notice that someone continued to mark the days on the back of the hull door. On Jakku she tallied the sunrises that she waited for her parents. With the Resistance, she kept a tab until peace could be made. Now each of those marks represented time apart and hopefully, time spent healing, but she yearned for a future where they did not count the day...when they could just be.

 

They landed in a private courtyard and Irris stood just under the shade of a terrace waiting on Rey’s arrival.

 

“You look stunning, Empress,” the Queen addressed with a respectful incline of her head.

 

Rey gave a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, “I suspect that I have you to thank for the wardrobe...”

 

Irris reached out and placed her hand on Rey’s cheek, seeing that they were already tearstained, “I knew you would come home to us and I just wanted to be prepared.”

The Queen’s words ripped through Rey. At times, especially before Dantooine, Rey forgot that she had family outside of the Resistance. People beside Leia, Finn, and Rose that loved her. Her whole life she waited for a family to come along and take her away from the hell that was Jakku. So why was it, when she found what she had been longing for, fell in love, married her equal in every sense of the word, and by the blessing of the Force, created a new life through that love, why was it that she ran without even demanding an explanation?

 

Because beyond the encouragement of her mentor, the love of her friends, the loyalty of a family she created, and the reassurance of the Force, Rey was still a lost little girl who was abandoned, sold to a man that abused her...used her...starved her emotionally and physically into thinking that she needed him to survive.

 

Maybe in those few seconds on Dantooine, when the bond opened and she saw Ben...but didn’t really see Ben. Rey perceived a man who she thought preyed on her weaknesses...finding a worthless girl with the power of the Force that was so starved for belonging, love, and simple human touch. Just as Snoke twisted the fragile soul of Ben Solo, she thought just maybe that Kylo Ren had manipulated their bond so that she was made to believe that she needed him as much as she relied on her last Master.

 

She knew now that it wasn’t true, that what she had with Ben was real, but she was been so hurt, flayed open with the insurmountable grief of losing not only her friends but the promise of peace. And perhaps at one time, she needed Ben’s love more than the air that filled her lungs, but now she knew she needed to live for more than just him...more than just for herself. They could still achieve balance, but first, she needed to find harmony within her own soul, needed to reconcile her past with her present so that she could have a future, and she knew exactly where to start.

 

Rey wasn’t sure how long they let her stand on the terrace, the Queen gently rubbing at her upper arms in a comforting measure, but Cale and Davin stood at her sides as Rey’s sight began to focus once more. Looking down at the woman who felt like more of a sister than a third cousin by marriage, Rey’s expression became pained, “I’m so sorry Irris. I know you wanted to have lunch and catch up, but I need you to take me to Padmé, right now.”

 

The Queen had some idea why Rey wanted to visit the palace and it had nothing to do with bubble waters and tea sandwiches, so she just nodded and led the way through the twisting halls to the steps that would take the Empress into the catacombs.

 

Pulling Rey’s hands into her own, Irris met her cousin’s gaze, “I trust that Padmé will be able to give you the guidance that you need.” Rolling her lips into her mouth, the pain was back in the Queen’s eyes, “We missed you so much and I just hope one day you can forgive me…”

 

Even without the Force, Rey could understand Irris’ meaning and she squeezed the Queen’s hands, “Thank you for calling Ben when I couldn’t find the strength to. You saved our family…my son…and you also saved me from myself. I don’t know how I will ever repay you for all that I suspect you have done for Ben in my absence.”

 

Irris was brought to tears, not only by Rey’s words but also with the knowledge that her dear friend didn’t hate her for betraying her trust. “Just promise that you won’t run again…or if you feel like you need to, run to me.”

 

Rey felt a tear roll down her cheek as well and she let a reassuring smile spread across her lips, “I’m not going anywhere. You are my family, just as Ben and Jacen are my family, and I lost sight of the fact that families stick together.”

 

The Queen could only nod as Davin came up and placed a calming hand at the small of her back. She released Rey’s hands and with one more soft smile and look over her shoulder, the Empress stated to descend the stairs with Cale two steps behind her.

 

The catacombs were just as Rey remembered them, but without Ben’s warmth at her side, she shivered in her sheer dress. Cale shrugged off his cape and draped it over her shoulders. She was thankful for the extra layer but a part deep in her brain yearned for the rich scent of her husband to be saturated in the fabric instead of the newest Knight of Ren.

 

Padmé’s crypt called out to Rey even without the Force and she walked down the long hall until she paused in the archway and looked at the beautiful stained glass depiction of the long dead Queen. Padmé still lay in eternal sleep under the domed glass of her coffin and Rey walked up beside it. Setting her hand atop the glass, right where the Queen’s hands were folded above the postpartum bump in the fabric of her dress, Rey sighed and looked at the trinket that was woven between her fingers.

 

Her research showed her that Padmé had been laid to rest with a necklace that her longtime friend and secret love Anakin Skywalker gave to her when he was just a boy. Rey reached up and fingered her own necklace that was gifted by the Skywalker legacy and she could have sworn that the kyder in her ring started to hum.

 

Cale stood just outside of the burial alcove to give his Empress some privacy, but when he heard her sobs he peeked in and saw her limp body draped over the coffin and he had never felt so utterly helpless in his entire life.

 

Rey spoke to Padmé, knowing without the Force the still woman would not be able to answer, but she also knew that the solace she sought weren’t someone else’s to give, it had to come from within her, of her own will and her own doing.

 

So it wasn’t surprising when she slid into her own mind and into the past.

 

She had been with Plutt for about a year then and no longer tried to run away from him. Each time she did, one of his thugs would catch her or she would be so dehydrated that she would wander back on her own, but each time was the same, give her lashes and make her go another day without food or water.

 

Then the tenderness would come, he would tend to her, even use bacta saying that he didn’t want to scar her skin, that he wanted to be able to forget how much she hurt him by trying to run away. He would mutter the words that became her abuser’s mantra, ‘This hurts me more than it is hurting you’, but that didn’t stop the violence before the healing.

 

There was another girl there with her, a year younger than herself, named Mina that Rey quickly became attached to and vowed to protect from Plutt’s rathe. Rey would always give Mina half her portions…the girl was so small that Rey feared a simple sweating sickness would be the end of her.

 

So not only did Rey stop running because Plutt completely broke her spirit, but she stayed to protect Mina, maybe thinking one day when they were both bigger…stronger, they could run away together, but then she would hear Plutt’s voice, “What would your family think if you left before they came back for you?” Of course, this was cooed to her only after he told her how useless she was…how she came from nothing and was nothing.

 

With vivid detail, Rey now remembers the day that Rey of Jakku was born. The girl that was willing to rot away on the desert planet with unflappable faith that someone was coming back for her. The girl that marked walls, who needed to get back to her hovel and constant state of hunger and manipulation, that she was willing to leave her first friend and the promise of belonging, to just sit and wait for, in the words of Maz Kanata, people who were not coming back for her.

 

It was a hot day, but all days on Jakku were sweltering and miserable. Plutt drove them out to the Starship graveyards himself, stopping by the _Inflictor_ , pushing them out of the speeder with a grunt. He needed them to fit into the small places, to bypass cave-ins and get to the rooms that lay under tons of sand to gather parts that no other scavenger had ever laid eyes or hands on.

 

Rey took Mina’s hand and with their ropes, hooks, and picking bags, they entered the ship through a hole that was blasted long ago into the side of the hull. They descended for over an hour, navigating corridors and lift shafts when Rey checks the schematic of the ship on an old handheld display device. “Through here,” she says to Mina as she dislodges a ventilation panel from the wall.

 

The ducts are small, but the girls are smaller, and they easily shimmy through a few turns until Rey spots another outlet, “This should be the lower deck command room for the TIE hangar.”

 

Rey jumped down first, turning to help Mina down from the shaft and when the younger girl shone her torch around the room, she screamed and buried her head into Rey’s flat chest. Now Rey took a moment to appraise the room…bodies…so many bodies.

 

These poor souls never had a chance, she mused, and for just a moment she thought that she could feel the fear of their final moments. The desert was dry and even though the temperature was cool this far down, all the moisture had been pulled from the bodies and parchment-like skin was pulled tight across their faces, lips shriveled up, exposing final cries of pain.

 

They were everywhere, some still strapped into chairs, some thrown like rag dolls, bodies twisted and contorted in unnatural positions, but then there were the ones that were huddled together, mummified arms wrapped around hollow chests and she wondered how long it took them to die of dehydration, locked in this durasteele tomb. They didn’t have a Plutt to go back to, someone who would punish them because of the worry they caused by running, but then soothe them, feed them, care for them. No, they were left here to die.

 

Rey cupped Mina’s face in her hands, “Stay here,” she instructed before she moved over to a control module, setting down her light so that she could hook her hands under the fragile arms of a corpse and drag it over to where three others were group together. “Come work here and just don’t look around the rest of the room.”

 

Mina had nodded and knelt under the module to start pulling wiring harnesses and motherboards. Rey moved further into the room, starting to dislodge power cells from a bank of databases when she heard a scream.

 

Dropping the power cell, Rey raced back over to where she left Mina and slid to her knees when she saw a part of the under paneling pining the younger girl to the floor. “Mina, what happened?”

 

The girl winced in pain, “I was trying to get to the other side of the module when the panel broke loose.”

 

The piece of durasteele was thick but with beveled edge and when she tried to lift it, she could see bright red already starting to stain Mina’s left pant leg. “It looks like it cut you, but not too bad.” She tried to reassure. “We’ll get you patched up and head back up to the surface.”

 

Mina nodded with tears and trust in her eyes as Rey got a good grip on the panel and put all of her strength into moving it off the small girl she now considered a sister. But Mina cried out in pain again and then there was blood…lots of blood…too much blood, and Rey quickly pressed her hands to the wound to make it stop.

 

“Rey!” Mina cried. “Why won’t it stop?”

 

Using her teeth, Rey pulled off one of her arm wraps before weaving it around Mina’s leg and tying it off. “It will…” she said more like a prayer than fact. “Just keep talking to me.”

 

But the girl was frantic, “Rey there’s too much blood…I don’t want to die. Rey, please don’t let me die!”

 

Her heart was breaking as more crimson seeped through the pale linen wraps and Rey knew that even if they started their ascent now, that Mina would bleed out before they made it to the first lift shaft.

 

So she did was so many of the other corpses in the room had done, she sat down, gathering Mina into her arms and held her sister and the girl’s blood stained the only pair of pants Rey owned.

 

Mina died within the hour, but Rey didn’t move until her legs when numb. She spent the next few hours trying it figure out to get the small body back up into the ventilation shaft, but it was too high and Rey was so tired.

 

As she slept, surround be death, Rey dreamed of Mina, grown up with a family of her own, they would both laugh about the horrors of their childhood as if it was nothing more than an inconvenience in their long and happy lives.

 

But when she woke, Mina was still dead, with her head lulled to the side and faded blue eyes piercing into Rey’s soul.

 

Rey stayed in that room for three days, but no one came looking for them and finally hungry drove her to place a tear-soaked kiss on Mina’s cold and modeled forehead before collecting the few items they were able to scavenge before the accident happened.

 

When she reached the surface, there was not a search party, there wasn’t even evidence that anyone had been out to the shipyard in days and Rey started the day-long walk back to the Outpost. Falling to the ground before their tent-like home, Plutt only asked, “Where’s the other one?”

 

Her voice came out in dry gasping hiccups as she retold the story of the accident and she started to beg Plutt to go back for Mina’s body when he backhand slapped her so hard that her fatigued body was knocked unconscious.

 

He starved her for another two days for the killing of one of his slaves. Called her a monster and a murderer. Said Mina’s blood was on her hands…and right when she was at the breaking point, when she wanted to go curl up next to her slave sister and die in the belly of a downed Destroyer, the comfort would come. The soothing tea and hearty soup, the kind words and petting of a bulbous hand.

 

This went on for years…each time more pain was met by more comfort. Only when she was fifteen did she get some respite. One day when she broke apart that a passer-through needed and Plutt started in on her. Calling her worthless, seething that she was lucky that he wanted her because surely no one else ever would.

 

“No wonder your family left you, because who could love a murdering monster like you?” He leered at her, slurping the excess spit from his lips, “When you start to bleed, men will only want you for one thing and it won’t be for romancin` and bearing kits. You will never be anything more than a slave and a whore to be used and thrown away like the trash you are.”

 

His words hit harder than his fist and he finally sneered, “You will never deserve more than what I have given you here.”

 

She moved out to the AT-AT the next day but would forever be under the thumb of Plutt…the psychologic damage had been hammered into her to perfection and was something that she could no longer set aside, could no longer ignore, and most importantly, that she could no longer run from.

 

When she came to, Rey realized that she had sung to the floor, her legs tucked up under her and a puddle of pink fabric. Her face was muddy with tears and there was a ripping feeling in her chest that made her fall forward onto her hands and takes in gasping breaths.

 

Rey felt like she was being torn in two and heard Cale yelling her name from behind her, but it sounded like she was underwater and she also couldn’t answer as her throat was raw from what she now realized was her screaming.

 

Then all was quiet…

 

The catacomb alcove was sucked into a vacuum and when Rey lifted her head, still panting for breath and feeling her body knit back together with a warmth that felt foreign but also like coming home, and she was met with two pairs of dark eyes that were passed from mother to daughter, and then mother to son…

 

“Padmé…Leia…” she choked.

 

“Rey…” they whispered back with such sadness.

* * *

**AN: You know what to do...**

* * *

 

 


	13. Part XIII

**AN: Goodness this is a long one...but I had to get to this point.**

**I hope you all are pleased... :)**

* * *

 

**Part XIII**

 

Emperor Kylo Ren was on the fifth straight hour of the committee meeting and his mind was starting to fatigue and temper were wearing thin. Rey, his wife, and Empress was supposed to be doing this with him. For a fleeting moment, months ago, before Hux’s betrayal, Ben imagined Rey standing at his side, knowing how brightly she would shine here, giving these politicians hell and calling them all out on their brown-nosing, ass-kissing, and platitudes.

 

But now he couldn’t trust her to even curse out these council members in Teedo speak. He left Rey nothing more than a consort and the thought pained him. The irony of the entire situation, which was not lost on him, was that while he doubted her judgment when it came to running their Empire, he trusted her completely with what he loved more than power…more than a million galaxies…he trusted her with the life and happiness of their son.

 

An even more complicated part to his seemingly unavoidable tragedy was that he didn’t know if he could trust Rey with his heart again. His parents, his uncle, and his old Master ripped, shredded, and blackened his heart once before. But then there was Rey…his blaster pulling, mind tricking, hand-touching, Rebel of a woman that he once loved more than that Force itself.

 

She mended him, freed him, and brought him back to the Light, only to break him once more. Without his Knights and Guards…his brothers and sisters, and perhaps a strong but meddlesome cousin, Ben wasn’t really sure if he would have survived Rey leaving him. Nor did he think he would survive if it ever happened again.

 

Ben’s mind was wandering and when the pressure started to build up at his temples, he rubbed at them with bare fingers to provide some relief. The commissioner from the Belsmuth Sector was droning on about trade routes and overcrowding in the intersecting hyperspace lanes when he felt the air being sucked from his lungs.

 

Back on the _Supremacy_ , when the bond opened for the first time and Rey fired her blaster at him, he reacted to the shot on instinct, a side effect of years of abuse and battle fatigue. But now, in a room full of men and women that wouldn’t dare raise even a treacherous thought about his rule, he felt as if Chewie sent another bowcaster bolt straight through his chest.

 

His hands slammed down on the table, the sound echoing through the room before his chair scraped out behind him while he gasped for breath.

 

“Master...” Alister said taking a step forward from his steadfast post at Ren’s right-hand side.

Holding out his palm towards his Knight, Ren remained hunched over the table, “I’m fine. Just give me a moment.”

 

“I think the meeting is adjourned,” Alister addressed the room, “We will let you know when the committee will reconvene.” The Knight waited until the room was empty before he moved over to his Master, placing his hand on his shoulder, “Ren, what’s going on?”

 

Rubbing at his chest, he could tell that he wasn’t wounded, at least physically, but it felt like he was burning from the inside out with each breath. “I don’t know...but it feels like...” but his voice cut out as gripped the sides of the table and a vision overtook him.

 

It was a strange feeling being pulled into a Force vision and he wondered how Rey managed it so gracefully in the past. Just as quickly as his mind shifted to his wife, his consciousness was transported to a wasteland that he was intimately familiar with.

 

 _Jakku_ …he mused and looked around the shanty-like Outpost. Then the images started to play on fast forward, but it wasn’t so much what he saw, as it was what he felt that truly gutted him.

 

Through their bond, he was able to access Rey’s memories, but he never pried, only took what she was willing to show him. This felt different though and he had to wonder who was the mastermind behind this vision, knowing that it was most likely the Force itself at work.

 

On Starkiller, when he first tapped into her mind, Ben had felt her loneliness and her desperation for belonging, and perhaps that is why he thought their relationship, their marriage, their bond, was solid and unbreakable. But now he felt the little girl being left behind, the whips of a cruel Master, the death of a friend, the nightmares, the breaking of her soul and spirit, the manipulation, the starvation, and the verbal abuse that left her little more than an obedient shell.

 

He saw the cycles of servitude, punishment, and then kindness that this Crolute that called himself Plutt compelled upon Rey from the time she was six until she was fifteen and able to leave his _care_. But Plutt’s manipulation over Rey didn’t stop there, by controlling her food supply the horrid excuse of a creature was able to keep his boot to her neck.

 

Ben wasn’t sure how to react to what he was being shown…the utterly devastating feelings of Rey’s past that were raining down on him. He wanted to rage, he wanted to wail, and he wanted to retch his gourmet lunch out on to the meeting room floor. He was even more in awe of his wife, her strength and her ability to not only survive Jakku, but also the ritualistic abuse of his wife’s tormentor named Plutt. The junkyard thug was living on numbered days, he just wasn’t aware of it quite yet.

 

Coming out of the vision, he found that he was now on his knees with wet cheeks from tears that he had failed to notice. Alister was above him, calling his name, but Ben felt like he was underwater, like had fallen through a hole of Darkness into a cavern of cold water. When he was finally able to breathe again, the air burned his lungs.

 

Looking down to his palms, Ben saw crescent-shaped cuts from his fingernails but surprisingly he felt none of his own physical pain, just the sting from lashes, the hollowness of hunger, the absolute hopelessness of doubt, and the emptiness of fighting for any semblance of self-worth.

 

The thread in his chest pulled and he almost pushed it back, not wanting his son to see him like this and also not wanting to push any of these feelings over to Jacen, but when his gaze pulled up from his hands, Ben sucked in a painful breath.

 

“Rey…” he choked out. She was there…but he knew that she was also in the palace in Theed. Knelt before him, cheeks equally red and wet with sorrow of reliving her adolescence, his wife’s expression crumbled and she reached for him.

 

“Ben…” she whispered back. “I’m so sor…”

 

But the bond cut out before she could finish her words and just moments before her hand would caress his scarred cheek. Ben cried out like a wounded animal, falling forward onto his elbows while curling in on himself. Anger pulsed through him and dismal tears coated dark lashes as his heart broke for Rey but also in utter awe of her signature shining back in the Force.

 

Taking in a few centering breaths, ben rocked back on his heels before getting to his feet. He wiped at his face with his woolen sleeves, “We need to return to Naboo immediately.”

 

“Master…” the inflection in Alister’s voice was questioning. Even under Snoke’s torture, he has never seen Ren so troubled.

 

“My wife has once again been awakened and I fear there will be a terrible reckoning in the Force,” Ren said shortly as he started to stride from the room, thankful that his Knight quickly fell into step behind him.

 

As much as he wanted to run up the stairs to the apartment, the two men boarded the lift and Ben impatiently tapped his fingers against his thighs. When they finally reached the penthouse and the door to the apartment was thrown open as he stalked towards the sleeping quarters to repack his bags.

 

“Master Ben,” the gold protocol droid said as he shuffled into the room.

 

Ben huffed, almost cursing his Uncle Chewie for the ‘wedding present’, “What is it 3PO?”

 

“A delivery came for you today…”

 

Still rushing around the room Ben barked, “Just take it to the shuttle, we are departing as soon as I…” he snapped his head side to side while scanning the room, before walking to his bedside table and picking up the watch that Rey gave him after their engagement.

 

“But it is from the Empress.” C-3PO had been very confused when he was told of the relationship between his old charge and the Jedi girl from the Resistance, but he was directed to under no circumstances address her as ‘Mistress’. 

 

The droid now had Ben’s undivided attention and he threw the strap of the small travel bag over his shoulder and instructed 3PO to lead the way to this delivery while he finished securing the watch around his left wrist.

 

Lying on the kitchen countertop, secured in transpari-wrap, were a bunch of pale yellow flowers with a trumpet-shaped and bright orange center. He walked up to them as if they might explode at any second. “What are you trying to say?” he whispered to himself while reaching for the small card that sat next to the flowers.

 

There was only one word printed on the card: _Daffodils_

 

Closing the card and slipping it into his pocket, Ben grabbed the bunch of flowers and walked from the kitchen, “Come 3PO, I have a feeling that Rey will be in need of all the…” he looks at the droid, the unblinking eyes and indifferent slit of a mouth, “um…friendly faces we can gather.”

The MK3 was already spooled up when Ben took striding steps across the land pad with the 3PO’s metal feet clanking behind him. The Force buzzed around him and through him to the point that he wasn’t able to focus and he let Alister take them off Coruscant and set course for the Outer Rim.

 

Quickly he reached out through his bond with Jacen. Rey’s awakening was violent and ripped at both of them and the last thing he wanted was for their son to be witness to his parent’s pain. To Ben’s relief, Jacen was happily taking a bottle from Arlan as Tyris placed a kiss to her temple.

 

Able to relax just slightly knowing that his son was blissfully ignorant of the disturbance in the Force, Ben was able to reflect on everything he had been shown that day. For almost a year he felt a piece of himself missing, now it was back, but it didn’t feel the same. Before Rey and Ben were the two jagged puzzle pieces that somehow fit together perfectly and the image they created was one of balance and peace and belonging.

 

But they were different people now, their feelings had changed, the edges of their souls were just slightly askew, but he wished with all of his faith in the Force to still allow him a chance at the future that was long ago shown to him.

 

They were in hyperspace now and he looked down to the cluster of flowers still gripped in his left hand. Beyond the desire to know what the vibrant yellow flowers meant, Ben took a moment to reflect on the vision that was shown to him.

 

Was he like Plutt? Ben couldn’t help comparing himself to the creature that once haunted Rey, for he too had hunted her down, accessed parts of her memory that were private and personal, he took from her without permission, killed his father, who Rey thought of as a mentor, right in front of her, then practically cut her first friend in half before offering to teach her while holding a saber to her neck. And this was only within the first few hours of knowing each other.

 

Then came the bond, which he found fascinated but also knew that he could use it to his advantage and to further his agenda in the Darkness. He was so focused on finding and killing his Uncle, that while he was unknowingly falling in love with the girl from Jakku, he was also manipulating her loneliness.

 

Just like when Plutt would show her kindness after a punishment, she would always come back to the comfort of the Crolute's hand, Rey delivered herself to Kylo Ren where he met her a legion of Stormtroopers and Force-dampening shackles. He took her before Snoke, knelt stone still as he watched his old Master rip into the unfortunate and desperate girl who just wanted to feel like she finally belonged to another who perhaps understood just a semblance of what it was like to be completely alone.

 

But he wasn’t the only one that manipulated her…his mother sent his father to bring their son back and when he failed, Rey was sent to find Luke…and perhaps Rey also felt like she needed to finish what Han Solo started. He was completely honest in telling her that she had no place in this story…in the war started and perpetuated by the Skywalkers.

 

The Force created her for him and him for her…her place was in his story, but the foundation of their relationship was rocky at best. Sure they grew to love each other, but he was known to be able to commit acts of great violence and carnage and she had the ingrained reaction of fight and flight, especially when trying to protect others.

 

The same thing happened over Crait, they fought together, grew closer, had everything at their fingertips, but her friends in the Resistance were in danger. So even though she came to realize that she should have taken his hand in the throne room, she fought back before leaving him to save others.

 

He cursed himself for not watching Hux more closely. At the time he was so wrapped up with his wife and how they were so close to peace, that he missed the snakes living just under his feet.

 

After being shown the vision, Ben had a better understanding of Rey’s past trauma, but he still wished that she would have just stayed for a moment and listened to him. Her reaction still angered him, it still put up a wall that he would need to overcome to fully trust her again, but he was starting to understand why, and to him…that felt a lot like the beginning of forgiveness.

 

With a sigh, he eyed the flowers once more, “Now to see what the hell daffodils mean…”

 

C-3PPO sat forward in his jump seat, “Daffodils are from the Kingdom Plantae and the Amaryllidaceae family of flowering plants. Their scientific name is Narcissus and can come in a range of yellows, whites, oranges, pinks, and even lime greens…”

 

Ben’s head turned and he gave the droid an incredulous look, quirking his eyebrows up as if saying, ‘Who the hell asked you?’. But then he chuckled, 3PO’s inability to read social cues very often cause young Ben much embarrassment, like when the droid emphatically relayed fifteen-year-old Ben’s browser history to his mother, but now he was trying to find it endearing. Instead of reaching for his datapad, Ben decided to put the droid to good use, “No, 3PO. What does it mean when someone gives you daffodils?”

 

“I am unsure Master, Ben. No one has given me flowers before…”

 

Now he rolled his eyes and reached out with the Force to call his datapad to his hand. He had no idea why his mother kept the protocol droid around for as long as she did. So he laid the flowers in the seat next to him and typed his question into the holonet.

 

He scanned a few pages, finding what he needed and read over it once, twice, and then a third time before slumping back in his seat, running his free hand through his hair, and sucking in deep breaths to keep his tears of relief at bay.

 

It would be a few more hours, maybe less if he didn’t care about burning out the hyperdrive before they would reach Naboo but his fingers were already itching to touch her warm skin and feel that spark…that flow of their signatures that he has been longing for.

 

 

0000000

Cale continued to desperately ask his Empress what was happening, yelling into his comm and trying to get any sort of response from Rey. She simply gave him a sorrowful look before sinking him into a Force sleep.

 

The resurgence of the Force bond with Ben faded out, leaving Rey kneeling on the floor before Leia and Padmé. Her chest still felt like it was being torn open while filling her with healing Light and she had never felt so conflicted. She had turned her back on the Force, rejected the connection to her husband, and now felt that she did not deserve mercy from the Force.

 

“If you think this is mercy, you are sorely mistaken,” Leia’s gravelly voice spoke.

 

Rey looked up at her mother in law just as Padmé sank to her knees and gripped at the young woman’s hand. “Dear girl, the beyond had been rippling with energy since you turned away from the Force. My husband was sent to Ben many times over your absence to try and keep the balance…”

 

For some reason, this information made her heart a little lighter, “Ben got to see Anakin?” She knew that all of her husband’s life, he wanted to be able to connect to his grandfather through the Force, and something about knowing that it was Anakin and not Vader that presented to Ben in this trying time gave her a sense of peace. But then she remembered that painful and delirious night from months ago, “You came to me…when I was in labor.”

 

“Yes,” Padmé gave a soft but sad smile. “You were trying to give up, you wanted to give up. We saw what Jacen’s future would be if you died…yet another generation of Skywalkers doomed to patricide.”

 

Swallowing down the bile that rose in her throat at the thought of her son following down the same path as Luke, Rey blinked up at the beautiful once Queen, “You gave me the strength to fight for my son…you gave him a name…”

 

“Actually that was Leia’s idea,” Padmé said as she looked lovingly up at the daughter she only met in death.

 

Now Leia also sank down to the floor with them, “When Ben was about three, Han and I lost a pregnancy…a boy who we were going to name Jacen.”

 

Rey blinked at this information. The lonely only child of Generals Organa and Solo could have had a brother and she wondered how different their lives would have been…or if she would have even been born if Ben had companionship in childhood.

 

“The Force doesn’t make mistakes,” Leia said placing her hand over her mother’s that was still holding on her Rey. “Your destiny with my son and the destinies of your children have been written in the stars since the dawn of time.”

 

“Children?” Tears pooled in her eyes and she shook her head, “There will only ever be Jacen. I hurt Ben too deeply…I know we can never be like we were before…I have accepted that.” The last part of her statement was a blatant lie, but she pushed that knowledge to the back of her thoughts.

 

Padmé sighed, “When Anakin turned, killed his Jedi brothers and sisters…killed younglings, I begged him to come with me and not go down the path to the Darkside. Even after he hurt me, put our unborn children at risk,” she took in a shuddering breath. “Even after all of that, if he would have come back for me, for his son and daughter, I would have forgiven him. We could have been a family, and not just in secret, but a _real_ family.”

 

“You must know Rey,” Leia interjected. “Ben will always come back for you.”

 

This made Rey break down, sobbing into the shoulder of her mother in law. It was Ben…had always been Ben and how could she have been so stupid to doubt that? “We’ve both done and said such ugly things to each other. How do we heal from this?” She was desperate for guidance and she was thanking the Force, even though it still moved through her veins like ice water, for sending these two amazing woman to help her.

 

Leia put her fingers under Rey’s chin and tipped the girl’s tear-stained face up to meet hers, “First you must forgive yourself and begin to heal before you can forgive others. You can’t let your past continue to control you, that was something,” she looked over at her mother, “all of us Skywalkers learned too late.”

 

“This won’t be easy, Rey,” Padmé added. “But trust your heart, trust your husband, and trust the Force to guide you.” The matriarch cupped her hand on Rey’s cheek, “My grandson is coming back for you as we speak. I suggest you get back to the estate before he rips apart my homeward looking for you.”

 

Rey nodded her head as she accepted the hands of the Force ghosts as they lifted her to her feet. She looked at the woman in the glass coffin and then to the glowing figure in front of her.

 

“It was Anakin,” Padmé said. “He immortalized me in the Force. I am told that he came here often, needing to see me and remember a time filled with hope and love. Vader was never truly dark, not completely. None of us ever are…”

 

More tears slid down Rey’s face and she thanked the strong women the Force sent to comfort her. She hugged each of them in kind.

 

“Thank you for bringing Ben home…” Leia said into their embrace.

 

“Thank you for giving him something to love more than power and being stronger than I was in making him see it,” Padmé spoke with a soft smile as she cupped Rey’s cheeks.

 

She didn’t want to leave, but she was feeling a pull in her chest to get back to her son and knew that Padmé’s words rang with truth, her husband would storm the palace if she wasn’t home before he arrived. So she started to move towards the archway to leave the catacombs.

 

“Rey!” Leia called out. When her daughter in law turned, the older woman smiled, “Aren’t you forgetting someone?”

 

Shifting her eyes to whereLeia was looking, Rey jumped and rushed over to Cale’s limp body on the stone floor. Kneeling by his left shoulder, she placed her hands on either side of his face and pulled him from the Force sleep, watching him come to with a gasping breath.

 

“What the hell is happening?” The Knight asked as he looked around the room frantically. “Empress, are you hurt?”

 

“No,” Rey said almost embarrassingly. “And I’m sorry…”

 

“For what?” He asked with confusion.

 

“For knocking you out and for this…” at least her expression held remorse as she reached into his mind, pulling out the memory that he had freely offered up to her time and time again.

 

As the scene with Hux played out before her and she saw Ben’s rage and then the absolute horror, fear, grief, and feeling of desperation play across her husband’s face, Rey crumbled all over again.

 

She gently pulled out of Cale’s mind before she had to watch all seven months of her absence play with vivid detail and the Knight reached up to wiped a tear from his Empress’ cheek, “Now you know the truth.”

 

Rey nodded, still sobbing, but gathered herself long enough to ask, “Will you take me home?”

 

Cale helped her stand and as they exited the alcove, Rey looked back but Leia and Padmé were already gone, so she leaned into the Knight as he led her back up into the palace. Irris raced towards them as she saw Cale practically carrying Rey through the halls. “I need to take her back to the Estate. The Emperor is in route.”

 

Irris nodded, making promises to come out and visit soon, and yelling at her guards to clear a path and allow their shuttle to take off immediately.

 

The flight back to the estate was quiet, Cale rubbed at his temples and Rey continued to apologize. Jacen was sleeping soundly in his crib when she arrived at the house. Ghosting a steady hand along his ebony curls, Rey sucked in a breath at just the slightest feeling of his Force signature, but she would let him sleep…vowing that she would come to him and open herself up to him completely once she was not so filled with grief and remorse. 

 

Instead, she took to her gardens, more walking through them while planning out the beds rather than actually working in them. She remained in the breezy pink dress and for some reason wanted Ben to see her in it, not covered in mud and sweat.

 

Cale was close behind as always, but she was able to venture outside of the hedged walls and ascended the same hill she ran up to the first time Ben brought her to Varykino. From up here, Rey could see the entire estate and the dark blue lake that stretched the entire length of the valley.

Rey wasn’t sure how long she sat up there, but she shot to her feet the second she heard ion engines start to echo off the surrounding hills. Her heart skipped a few beats when she saw the MK3 barreling across the lake and preform a very Solo landing just outside of the estate.

 

Ben was jumping down off the ramp before it even had a chance to fully extend and immediately started searching for her…not with his eyes, but through the Force. Once he found her, he was running in a boyish sprint that was very unbecoming of an Emperor but completely appropriate for a man coming home to a woman…to a feeling that he had been without for far too long.

 

When he crested the hill, Ben was out of breath and the gorgeous dress his wife was wearing wasn’t helping to ease his racing heart. Rey looked like a goddess with wild hair and iridescent skirts blowing in the wind and as he shamelessly looked at the daring neckline he noticed her rings sitting proudly in the creamy expanse between her breasts.

 

They both stood there, maybe ten feet from each other, chests heaving and neither knowing where to start. Ben had to know if this was real, so he reached for the golden thread that connected them and gave it a gentle tug.

 

Rey felt her heart lurch and then she was bawling, “I’m so sorry…I know now that it was Hux who ordered the attack…”

 

Her words seem to hit him the wrong way and Ben squared his shoulders, “I could have told you that almost eight months ago if you weren’t so eager to draw a saber on me again.”

 

“I was scared!” She shot back. “You don’t know what it was like to see all of my friends like that.”

 

“I do know,” he seethed. “But in my case, I also had to kill some of my friends to survive.” He thought back to the Academy and how even though he left with seven, there were dozens more that burned with the temple.

 

“And what did you do?” Rey accused. “You ran, turned your back on your family, turned Dark!”

 

“I wasn’t trying to kill you,” he said through gritted teeth.

 

“How was I supposed to know that when the Stormtroopers under your command said that the _Supreme Leader_ wanted me dead just before they started shooting at me?”

 

“You were supposed to trust me! You were supposed to believe in me!”

 

“I…I…” Rey stammered as more tear streamed down her cheeks.

 

“But you cut me out like a cancer. You turned against our Empire, shredded our bond, and denied the Force…damnit, Rey, you turned against _me_!”

 

“I didn’t think that I had a choice, Ben! I was trying to protect Rose and her baby…”

Ben couldn’t hear her finish her statement, couldn’t let her admit that she thought that he was capable of hurting their child too. So he continued to let months of built-up emotions get the best of him. “And what an easy choice it was for you to make. My feelings for you aren’t just something I can turn off! You are not just a part of my soul, you are in my bones. I can’t…” he swallowed down the lump in his throat, “I thought I couldn’t exist without you.”

 

“But you did,” she said in a small voice. “You didn’t let the Darkness consume you. You had a family all along and didn’t need me.”

 

He grunted out in frustration. “But I don’t want to just exist…I don’t want just guards and Knights…” he took a few paces forward but still left plenty of room between them and thunder rolled off in the distance. “I want you. I want our son. You both are the family that I choose.”

 

She shook her head, “How can you still want me? After everything I’ve done,” she dropped her gaze knowing that the Force had also shown Ben her past, “After everything you have seen…”

 

Finally, his posture relaxed and he took another step forward, “I’m not saying that it will be easy and I can’t promise that we won’t hurt each other again in the future, but I meant every word of the vows I made to you on Ahch-To…”

 

“But…” Rey looked up at his expressive whiskey eyes.

 

Pinching at the bridge of his nose, he pressed his lips together, “Why do you continue to try and steal my happiness? You took my trust. You took my son…” his voice was carrying again.

 

“I was trying to protect him! I will always do whatever it takes to protect our children,” Rey would never feel regret about doing everything in her power to keep her son safe.

 

“From his own father,” Ben accused.

 

Rey folding her arms protectively across her chest, “Well, Skywalkers do have a history of daddy issues.”

 

Without thinking Ben reached out his hand, gripping around her throat with the Force, “I would never harm Jacen. I would die before letting him feel any of the pain of my family’s own creation.”

 

She felt her toes skim across the grass and for a second she thought back to the throne room where Snoke dragged her up to the dais. But now she was so close to her husband that she could feel the heat pouring off his body and the air temperature around them seemed to drop.

 

“I know,” she choked out. “We are not the sins of our blood.”

 

Ben’s hold on her went slack, but she was still stuck in place by something that was stronger than both of them. His shoulders slumped again in defeat, knowing that screaming insults at each other on a hilltop would only add to their pain. So he drew in a calming breath and let his open expression settle on her worried face, “Thank you for protecting our son.”

 

All the air was drawn out of Rey’s lungs when his words washed over her and all she could utter was, “Always…”

 

She thought back to a time when they sat on the floor of her quarters and forgave each other of their sins so that they could move forward with their inevitable relationship. This time she was the one needing to atone but as she met his pleading eyes she breathed out, “Thank you for coming back for me.”

 

“Always,” he answered in kind and swept a damp curl off her forehead, not even noticing that a light rain had started to fall. Her cheeks were rosy and her lips were parted and panting out breath and his heart clenched in his chest. “Star of my soul…” Ben whispered the words that he knew would convey what he was truly feeling.

 

Rey nuzzled into his left hand that came up cup her cheek, feeling the cool metal of his wedding band against her heated skin. Lifting her hand, she gave a slight pause before placing it over his chest, “Home of my heart…”

 

In one seamless moment, as if it came from muscle memory, Ben wrapped his right arm around the small of her back, lifting her against his body. Rey’s feet dangled half a foot from the ground but her hands found their way to the hair at the back of his neck. His hand still caressed her cheek as something akin to electricity raced through their very bones. 

 

Her breath ceased and they sought answered in the depths of each other’s gaze just before lightning crashed overhead, but at that very moment, their lips met while the storm raged around them, but all this was beyond their notice. Ben pulled away from his wife for just a moment, “What did the flowers mean?”

 

She was kiss drunk and looked through her wet lashes at his rain-slick face, “What?”

 

“The daffodils…What do they mean, Rey?”

 

Bringing her hand up to cover his that still sat against her cheek, Rey ran her fingertips along his ring, “They mean I am sorry for hurting you by foolishly running from you instead of trusting you and that I...” she swallowed under his intense gaze. “I want to fight for us...I want us, the three of us, to have a new beginning.”

 

Her hazel eyes searched his, needing to know if he felt the same way, but Ben let his kiss answer her hanging and burning question. 

* * *

**AN: You all are amazing and know what to do to feed my soul.**

 

 

 


	14. Part XIV

**AN: Oh my goodness everyone...thank you so much for being understanding and waiting for me to feel like this chapter was right. I am so blown away with the support.**

**Aslo...a huge thank you to my Muse...my darling...for putting up with my side stories and pushing me to write and helping me plan through these chapters. She reads my rambles and edits for me (calls me out on using 'just' and 'had' too much) and is so freaking supportive that I am in awe of her.**

**With all that being said...I hope you enjoy this story and will leave me some love** afterward **.**

 

* * *

 

**Part XIV**

 

They both poured all of the fear, betrayal, and longing into their kiss on that hilltop as the storm raged on around them. Her dress was ruined and his wool surcoat was so heavy he felt it might drag him down, but still, they would not be parted.

 

The cold pelting against their skin ceased and finally they looked up, Rey gasping and Ben chuckling. It was like they stood under a glass dome, the rain hitting and sliding down an invisible force field that hovered about a foot over their heads.

 

“Are you doing this?” Rey called over the noise of the storm.

 

Ben looked down at her red nose and pink cheeks as her lips started to tint blue, “No, my dear wife. This is the doing of someone who is very anxious to finally meet you...”

 

Rey’s eyes went wide and her expression wore utter amazement, “He’s doing this?” She gasped while pointing to the protective bubble around them.

 

If a father could ever look so proud, Ben would put them all to shame as he nodded and kissed his pretty wife once more, “Will you come meet our son?”

 

Before she could even think better of it, Rey bolted out of Ben’s arms and was running down the slick grass of the rain-soaked hill. With the pink fabric of her dress clinging around her ankles, Rey had to draw on the Force to help her not tumble down into her garden.

 

Being reconnected the Force was like learning to reuse her arm once she took off the handmade cast after breaking it falling from a gangplank in one of the Star Destroyers when she was ten. Rey knew what its purpose was and how it should move, but after not using it for so long, her command of it was clumsy at best.

 

Ben ran after her, perhaps reaching out through the Force himself when he saw her dress tangle up her legs just as she hit the pea gravel trails that led up to the back of the house. The last thing he needed was his son and wife meeting each other for the first time within the Force with Rey scraped black and blue.

 

Rey heard Jacen’s cries as soon as her bare feet hit the textured tiles of the back terrace and she tore through the doors into the kitchen to find Sarna trying to console the infant. “Give him to me,” Rey heaved out.

 

Sarna looked up in shock, not only at the appearance of the Empress but also the tone that left her, which only made the nurse hold the babe closer.

 

“I said give me my son,” Rey tried again, walking towards the group as Arlan and Tyris had gathered on each side of the nurse not quite sure yet who they would need to be protecting.

 

Finally, Sarna found her voice, “You are soaked and about to catch a chill yourself. You will make him sick if I give him to you.”

 

It was now that Ben came panting in through the same open doors, but still heard the nurse’s words. “Rey, she’s right. Go change...he will still be here...” Ben knew all too well the desire to make this connection and the fear that it might be taken away.

 

With an expression of defiance, Rey started to pull at the fabric that was gathered over her right shoulder that made up the once billowing cape of her dress. Ben lunged forward, coming to stand perhaps a foot in front of his wife watching the deep cut dress start to fall away from her chest. As much as he missed seeing the tanned curves of her body and the trail of freckles that he used to kiss across her breasts, there was no way he was letting her strip in the middle of the kitchen because of stubbornness. “I didn’t mean here...”

 

First with a huff and then a sigh, Rey knew that the nurse and her husband were right and she was thankful when Arlan swept out of the room behind her. Rey continued pulling at her soaked and ruined dress while entering the fresher and her companion flipped on the warm air blower on the grooming droid.

Rey scrubbed at her hair under the dryer while Arlan gathered a dry set of clothes. The leggings were soft and her tunic warm and finally when there was some color back into her lips she moved just as quickly out of the room.

 

The halls were quiet and Rey felt pulled to the living room at the rear of the home. Pausing at the arched entry to the space, she was shocked to find Ben slowly pacing the length of the room while talking down to the bundle of blankets in his arms. Somehow he had changed into dry clothes as well, even though she knew they were Cale’s since they didn’t fit quite right.

 

“I know you have been waiting a long time to meet your mama in the Force, but go easy on her...she didn’t know...”

 

She wanted to ask him what he meant but figured that she would find out soon enough and moved further into the room, calling her husband’s name softly to make her presences known.

 

He turned to face her with a soft smile on his lips but a concerned pinch to his brows, “Are you ready for this?”

 

Rey timidly approached them and looked down at her son who for a baby looked very serious, much like his father, and she took in a deep breath, “I don’t want to hurt him...”

 

Her awakening to the Force was born in violence, Kylo Ren penetrated her mind and her sheer will to ward him off had snapped a raw power to live. She tapped into it during their first fight in the snow-covered forest and it was Kylo Ren who also first put a name to it.

 

It was also Kylo who told her the truth about her powers, taught her about balance, fostered her talents, helping her construct her sabers...it has always been Kylo...Ben who led her in the Force and now he was the one who would also bridge the connection to their son.

 

Rey remembers what it was like the first time she touched hands with Ben through the bond. It didn’t hurt...physically, but she saw him, all of him, and his suffering almost out-shadowed the feeling of being left behind on the Maker-forsaken planet of Jakku.

 

She couldn’t do that to her son...she couldn’t place her pain on him, she wouldn’t. He would never know parents that didn’t love him, he would never be left behind, he would never be alone, and maybe one day when he was older and asked about her past, Rey would tell him the truth, but she would also do anything to shield her child from knowing any of that pain.

 

So she turned her gaze up to her husband, “How did you do it?”

 

“He reached out to me...kind of like how you did,” Ben answered simply thinking back to how lonely they both were before Rey took the chance to welcome his touch.

 

“No,” she shook her head. “When we touched I saw everything...” Rey blushed because she got a clear picture of what he wanted to happen if she stayed with him after Starkiller.

 

Ben understood without Rey having to explain further and he looked down at their child, “I still block a lot...” he admits. “There are many parts of my life that I would love for him to never know about, but I also have faith in the Force and the bond.” Shifting his dark eyes back up to his wife, Ben exhaled breath, “I think you and I needed to see everything in order to understand the each other’s pain, and for the longest time I thought that was why we both trusted each other...to a fault of course.”

 

Rey shifted under his gaze, “You know I am sorry for not trusting you...”

 

“I know,” Ben cut in, not wanting to fall into a fight or cause Rey any more unease with the task that lay before her.

Apparently, Jacen wasn’t pleased with the direction of their conversation either because he wailed in his father’s arms.

 

At his cry, Rey felt a tug in her chest and Ben looked up at her smiling, “You feel it too?”

 

“Is that him?” She asked again in amazement.

 

“He’s an impatient little thing,” Ben said while trying to rock Jacen to no avail. “But I also gather he wants you for more than just forming a bond.”

Rey’s brows furrowed before she watched her husband’s eyes drop down to her swollen breasts and she let out a quiet, ‘oh’ in understanding before moving towards a plush chair by the terrace doors. Many nights when both she and Jacen couldn’t sleep, she would sit here with him and feel the breeze come off the lake as they watched Naboo’s moon shine high in the sky.

 

Without a second thought, Rey took her son from Ben’s arms and pulled down one side of her wrap tunic. Her husband gave her some modesty as he moved to pull a footstool up in front of her. It was almost comical to see him sit so low with his knees coming up to his chest, but he was showing that she could take the lead on this even though he would be there for her every step of the way.

 

Jacen was contently suckling at her breast when Rey looked down at Ben, “What do I do?” Her mental shields were still up, the fear of sharing her past trauma with her son was still weighing heavily on her.

 

“Trust him...trust the Force,” was all Ben offered as he watched Rey look down at their son.

 

Just then, like so many other times when Rey was feeding her son, Jacen lifted his little hand and placed it over her heart and Rey struggled to calm her breathing.

 

Tears pooled in her eyes but she felt unable to blink. Even though her son’s lids were closed as he contently suckled against her, Rey could still see everything through his emotions…through his signature.

 

Oh, his signature…

 

If Rey thought that before Dantooine she and Ben found balance, it was nothing compared to how perfectly gray her son was. The Darkness in Jacen didn’t scare her, she knew no child was ever born evil. Rey knew that the traits of the Darkside that Jedi Masters of old were once afraid of, were how both she and her husband survived the traumas of their youth. Rey now understood that passion and love and drawing power from fear was what made them human.

 

There was an innocence to his signature that was so curious about the Force and about his parents and while Jacen’s bond to his father was able to sustain him, the infant was blatantly yearning to know about a piece of himself that only his mother could provide. Rey now let her tears fall at this notion.

 

But it wasn’t just that...Rey felt her son reaching out to a signature halfway across the galaxy even while he was still in the womb, what broke her was how much he wanted to just connect to her even when he was still inside her. She experienced his fear during the hard labor that brought him to life and how he came early because he wanted to share something special with his father.

 

“He was born on the same day as you...” Rey said finally looking up at her husband.

 

Ben just nodded. The bond between the three of them was wide open and Ben almost felt overloaded with the emotions rolling off his son and wife, but he promised to be with her through all of this because he knew what was to come.

It was then that Rey started to experience what it felt like for Jacen once he was born. He no longer had that physical safety of her womb, he searched for the warm and loving signature of a mother but it was only dark and cold and the one blip of light that Jacen knew somehow belonged to him, was so far away and blinked with uncertainty.

 

She broke down. How was she to know that all of her actions, all of her running, and pride, and stubbornness would in the end almost kill her son? This made her think back to Padmé and how the once Queen lost the will to live, thinking that her true love turned against her and not knowing how to go on without him. Had Rey turned against her son? At the time, she had turned against her husband no matter how much she cried out for him during labor.

 

Not only that, but she sunk into how alone Jacen felt. Even with his mother physically there and trying to love and care for him, he was alone in the one thing that made him feel whole...the Force. Rey firmly believed now that while their son was not a child of the Force, he was undoubtedly the will of the Force and she felt so foolish for not understanding how much he would need a connection to the cosmic power and those who were blessed to wield it.

 

Both Rey and Ben once felt utter loneliness in their lives, but for those few days, before Ben came careening back into their lives, Jacen felt nothing but hopeless and this tore at the mending heart in Rey’s chest.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Rey whispered down to her son as she continued to cry. But then her gaze lifted and locked with the dark eyes of Ben, “I’m so sorry...” she repeated.

 

“It’s fine...Jacen is thriving...we are...” but he didn’t know what they were, he still didn’t know what their future looked like.

 

The kiss on the hilltop was more awe-inspiring than their first kiss through the bond. Ben still couldn’t believe that it had been two years since Crait, two years since the Force bared their souls to each other, two years since he killed his Master and freed himself of the chains of the Darkside.

 

But in that same span of time, Rey and Ben had managed to almost unequivocally hurt each other. This was not going back to the beginning, this may be something more akin to starting over, but before the attack on Dantooine, their happiness seemed so sure, so true, that neither thought that it could ever be shaken.

 

Maybe one day Ben would ask Rey to open herself completely to him. Maybe he would be able to feel what she did on that day, perhaps that would allow him to try and understand better what made her run. But on this day, in this moment, the connection was about Rey and Jacen, the forming of their bond and Rey’s reckoning for what spurred from her choices.

 

So Ben turned his focus back to his wife who was still weeping down on their son. She was feeling the moments when Jacen was connected to his bloodlines in the Force, how he met his grandparents and great grandparents before he was ever able to bask in his mother’s light.

 

She felt Jacen’s pain as he was starved of the bond that somehow the baby knew he should have. In lacking a mother’s light and a father’s strength, Jacen had felt abandoned, left adrift, and the only pull he felt was towards his family on the other side of the Force.

 

Rey was slammed with the realization that she wasn’t the only one close to giving up and becoming one with the Force because she was too much of a coward or maybe too proud to open back up to the Force and too scared to face the wrath of Kylo Ren. “He was dying...I was killing him...” Rey wept and gripped on to her husband’s hand that was trying to rub a soothing path up and down her thigh.

 

“Our boy is strong, Rey. He’s a fighter...” Ben reached out and placed his right palm over the crown of his son’s head. “Thank you for coming to Irris for help when you did...thank you for fighting for our son.”

 

The three of them were connected by touch and within the Force and Ben never felt such power. The Jedi shunned family and love, the Sith would breed for power, but this was something completely different. This was everything, and if the old Masters had just stopped thinking in absolutes and took a chance on everything they were taught was evil, then maybe they would have been able to experience what now flowed between mother, father, and child.

 

This was power...but not the kind to be used to bring worlds to their knees, this wasn’t a power to be abused or unappreciated, this was family. Ben now wept for the generations before him that didn’t understand and how they let others manipulate this power for selfish means.

 

It was also in this moment that both Ben and Rey knew that they would leave it all behind for the small person in her arms. There was no Empress and Emperor, no New Order, no Lightside or Dark...Ben and Rey would exist for their son, to protect, love, and teach him as they were not protected, loved, or taught.

 

In all of the disagreements, their positions on opposite sides of the war, of the Force, Rey and Ben had never been so focused on the same objective. They were now looking at the same future and they both, within the bond, within a searing look, vowed to shed blood, sweat, and tears for their child.

 

“Oh, Ben,” Rey cried and just as she was leaning forward, her husband was moving up towards her and their lips pressed together, tasting the salt of their tears, it somehow acted as a healing balm to their shredded hearts.

 

Their kiss was interrupted when Jacen started to grunt and rub his face against Rey’s breast causing his mother to giggle at his antics. Ben sat back on his heels as he watched his wife adjust her shirt and then shift their son up to her shoulder.

 

A few burps later, Jacen was peacefully puffing away, his full lips that he clearly got from his father, were pressed to Rey’s neck as he drifted to sleep.

 

Within a few seconds, Rey was sucking in a surprised breath. “He’s dreaming,” she whispered with wonder in her eyes.

 

“Yes,” Ben said with a deep chuckle.

 

Rey laid her cheek upon Jacen’s head and closed her eyes for a long moment. “He’s dreaming about me...”

 

“Yes, he takes after his father in that regard,” Ben answered again as he too tapped into his son’s thoughts.

 

There were flashes of how Rey felt when she lit her saber for the first time, her joy of walking through the Ewok village, Ben’s fear but pride the first time she flew with MK3, and how she looked walking up to him on their wedding day.

 

“You showed him all of this?” Rey asked meeting Ben’s gaze.

 

“I told you, I wanted him to know you even if you never opened back up to the Force again.”

 

A large tear rolled down Rey’s cheek as she nuzzled into the dark curls atop Jacen’s head, “Thank you, Ben...”

 

He let the corner of his lips pull up and then he stood and held out his hand, “Come...”

 

Rey looked up at him and her brows pinched. “Where are we going?” She asked but still took his outstretched hand.

 

Ben didn’t answer but continued leading her through the living room into the hall and only when he dipped into the alcove that connected the foyer to the master suite did Rey whispered his name with some curiosity and warning.

 

He chuckled again and pulled her into the bedroom. While Rey stood awkwardly just inside the door, Ben came and took Jacen from her arms. “What are you doing, Ben?”

 

“Putting him down,” he answered plainly.

 

Rey watched him set their son down in the center of the bed, arranging pillows on either side of him so that even if he could roll over, there was no way he could roll off the bed. Next, she watched her husband sit down at the foot of the bed and pull off his boots.

 

“What are you doing?” Rey asked again.

 

Ben looked over his shoulder to the side he knew she usually slept in, “Get in bed, Rey.”

 

She choked, “What?”

 

“Get in bed,” Ben repeated.

 

Her skin when cold but her inside blazed with a fire of a thousand suns. Rey loved her husband, but they didn’t trust each other...well he didn’t trust her, and she knew that when they came together again, when they gave in to the desire that never died out, it wasn’t going to be quick, or rough, or filled with looming sorrow. But she couldn’t say that, so she blushed and stated the more obvious reason, “We can’t...we aren’t going to do... _that_...with our son sleeping in the middle of the bed.”

 

Ben’s eyes held a lightness that Rey didn’t know she missed until this moment and then his lips curled into his signature smirk, “Who said anything about... _that_?”

 

Rey bristled and stepped towards her husband, her arms crossed over her chest trying to hide the fact that her nipples were straining against her nursing tunic. “You are telling me to get into bed and you are clearly undressing,” she whispered out her hissed accusation and then pointed down to his boots. “What do you expect me to think?”

 

Pulling up one of his eyebrows, Ben only slightly missed the times when Rey would hurl insults at him from across the bond. Even back then he thought she was as beautiful as she was fierce. “I expect you to get in bed,” he was still smirking at her when he stood and moved to his side of the bed, shifted the pillows and then sat down with his back against the headboard and his legs stretched out in front of him.

 

With another quirked eyebrow, he shifted his gaze from Rey to the empty side of the bed, giving his command once more, wordlessly. Finally, she huffed and then with body language that said she was not pleased, Rey moved to her side of the bed and mimicked his posture.

 

Jacen slept on in between them and Rey looked over at her husband, “Now what?”

 

Ben sighed while he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the tufted headboard, “Now you tell me everything that happened after Dantooine.”

 

She always knew this day would come and maybe Ben was wise to do it with a sleeping infant between them, effectively preventing yelling or saber drawing, so Rey sighed and spoke, “I found out I was pregnant the same day that the base was attacked.”

 

“What was it like...” Ben started and then rolled his head to the side and opened his eyes so that he could read her expression. “What was it like when you found out about our son?”

 

Rey sucked in a breath trying to put that feeling into words and when she found that she couldn’t, she reached across the distance between them and laid her hand on Ben’s cheek and showed him through their bond.

 

He turned his face again, placing a kiss against her palm as his nose grazed across her fingers, “I’m sorry...”

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Ben.” She allowed him to kiss her palm once more before Rey pulled back her hand. “I was so excited and couldn’t wait to tell you. We were so close to peace and once the treaty was signed, we were going to be a real family...we were going to be and have everything we ever wanted.”

 

“But then Hux...”

 

Rey nodded, “When Rose and I were going through the base to look for survivors, there was a group of Troopers who taunted that the Supreme Leader gave the orders for the attack...they said that there were specific orders to kill me on sight.”

 

“I gave up that title...we both knew it wasn’t who I was or what we were trying to accomplish in the galaxy,” Ben tried to defend.

 

“I know,” Rey almost whined. “But it was all just too much. Ben, everyone I knew from the Resistance was dead. There were wives that had come to be with their husband, children who had nothing to do with this war...” She sniffled, “Finn died in Rose’s arms...”

 

“I know,” he echos her dismal tone.

 

Rey turned her body towards him now, “How would you know that?”

 

Ben knew that Rose had not spoken with Rey since that fateful day at the palace, but he refused to feel bad about building a...friendship of sorts with the spitfire of a woman. “I’ve gone out and checked on her a few times...and you must wonder where Jix gets off to every day...”

 

Her expression shocked and crumpled, “You’ve seen her...she’s here? On Naboo?”

 

He could only nod, “She’s staying in the groundskeeper’s cottage just over the ridge.”

 

Now Rey cupped her face in her hands and wept as silently as she could muster. Ben scooted closer to the center of the bed without disrupting his son’s slumber and stretched a long arm over to reach around his wife as she fell against his bicep. “She is well, Rylea is beautiful, but just like the rest of us, Rose just needs time.”

 

“I know,” Rey sniffled. “I hurt so many people with my lies.” She looked up at her husband, his face so close to hers, “I should have stayed with you before Crait. I should have just left the Resistance. I should have pulled down the hood of my cloak and let the holonet see who I was...”

 

“No,” Ben cooed but smiled at her enthusiasm before stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb. “No, my Light...there were plenty of things that we should have done differently and we would have gone down in history as the two sides of the Force who brought the end to the bloodshed if it wasn’t for Hux, but we also needed that time for just us. We needed to learn to love and trust one another without the galaxy watching.”

Rey conceded after a long thoughtful moment and wiped at her face, sat back up on her side of the bed, and a part of her hated that Ben also shifted back into his previous position. “Where did you go after Dantooine?” He asked.

 

She went into the tale of their adventures in Telos IV and then on Lianna. How Rey and Rose found work and were settling in until Cale found them. “How did you know what sector to look in any way?” Rey questioned.

 

Ben let his gaze fall to the boy lying between them, “It was him...”

 

“Jacen?”

 

“My mother and Anakin came to me and told me to search for a piece of myself that you were carrying with you.” He snorted out a laugh at his next thought, “For the longest time, I thought it was the kyber in your ring or the one you found on Mygeeto, I would have never guessed that it was really this little guy.”

 

“You felt him, all the way across the galaxy?”

 

“I stood in this very house and my grandfather helped me reach out to find you,” Ben confirmed.

 

“What did he feel like?” Rey asked with interest.

 

Ben smiled now, “Like a brilliant but unreachable light.”

 

Rey smiled down at her son but there was a large part of her was sorry she missed out on feeling Jacen as he grew in her womb. She was also slightly jealous that Ben got to feel Jacen’s light, even from across the galaxy.

 

“He doesn’t hold it against you...” Ben offered.

 

“What?” Rey asked, looking to see the earnest expression on her husband’s face.

 

“Jacen doesn’t blame you...he’s not upset with you for being closed off to the Force.” He reached down and twisted his finger around one of his son’s many curls, “One day he may want to know why, but for now he only wants to know you.”

 

Reaching down and slipping her finger into the tiny fist of her son, Rey sighed, “I’m never going to close myself off to him ever again.” Then her hazel eyes came up to Ben’s, “I know I promised this once before and I utterly broke that vow, but I won’t close the bond between us ever again either.”

 

Ben wanted to believe her, so he just gave her a tight-lipped smile before nodding. Their moods turned sullen again, and while he wanted to know about her time on the run...wanted to know if she missed him, if she regretted leaving, if she thought about him...but that could all wait. Right now he wanted to see her smile and see the light back in her eyes.

 

So he leaned back against the headboard again and let a smirk ghost over his lips, “Has Arlan told you yet about the drunken plan she and Irris came up with to rescue you?”

 

This got Rey’s attention and her face lit up with curiosity, “No, I don’t believe they have let that little tale slip.”

 

Now a chuckle came from deep in his gut but he still attempted to stay quiet and not wake Jacen. “It was right after you beat the tar out of Cale on Lianna and both Irris and Arlan were so upset that we were so close to getting you back...”

 

He felt some of her sorrow come across the bond, not only for wounding Cale but also for hurting her dear friends. There was a time that Rey dreamed of having a close group of strong women, always with the intention of bringing Rose into the fold, but now like the rest of the relationships in her life, Rey would have to work to make what once felt like a certainty...a new reality.

 

Ben didn’t let this hinder the mood that he was trying to foster between them, “Irris was on Coruscant with us at the time,” he looked over at his wife, “she claimed to be there being supportive of me, but she spent most of her time in Davin’s quarters.”

 

“So that’s really a thing...” Rey mused.

 

Ben snorted a laugh, “Mark my words, he’ll be consort before this little guy’s first birthday.”

 

Rey returned with her own giggle and she forgot how easy it was to be around Ben...when she let her guard down and their emotions were flowing freely in the bond. She missed this and without embarrassment let that cross over to him. 

Her feelings hit him like Chewie’s bowcaster, but he just cleared his throat and continued on with his story, “They decided to drown their sorrows at a wine bar on the upper levels...”

 

“Irris’ idea I’m sure...” Rey cut in with a smirk.

 

“Of course,” Ben confirmed. “But they were Maker knows how many bottles in when they started to plan, what I am told, was a very elaborate rescue mission.”

 

“From what you were told?”

 

“They didn’t remember any of it the next morning, mind you, but that isn’t even the best part.”

 

“Maker...” Rey breathed out with a laugh.

 

It took every ounce of control to keep himself from shaking the bed too much with his chuckles, “Apparently they wanted to start the mission as soon as possible, so they stole a speeder and by the power of the Force, didn’t kill anyone since Irris was clearly over the legal limit.”

 

“They flew drunk?” Rey asked half amused, half stunned.

 

“Not very far according to the police reports...”

 

Rey let a full belly laugh leave her now which made Ben’s wide smile split his face, “They were arrested, thrown into a cell with other drunks, and only realized who they were holding when Irris demanded they run her identification.”

 

“I’m sure that was something those guards will never forget...” Rey mused.

 

“That and the fact that the Emperor of the known galaxy had to go down and bail out his Queen cousin and the head of the secret Empress’ guard.”

 

“You didn’t...” Rey said in disbelief.

 

“Oh I did...” he said with raised eyebrows. “Of course I brought Tyris and Davin with me to manage the girls...but it was quite the production, not to mention the fact that they were drunkenly spouting off about needing to rescue my wayward wife.”

 

“Oh no,” Rey said as her cheeks flamed red.

 

“Yeah...” Ben drew out. “It just spurred on the media channels since the photos of us together had been circling the holonet for months.”

 

Rey looked down at her lap...she was going to be debuted as Ben’s wife and Empress at the treaty signing that was slated for just a few days after the Dantooine attack. She knew it was past time...Ben gave a little push when he intended for Rey to sign the treaty as Empress and not a representative of the Resistance, but she also knew that they were done keeping secrets from their friends and their people.

 

“Our people want to know you, Rey. They want to know who brought so much light back into Kylo Ren and the galaxy.”

 

Taking in a shaky breath, Rey looked up at her husband, “Your light was there all along, Ben. I only showed you that it was okay to use it...”

 

Ben reached across the barrier of pillows and their son, cupping his wife’s cheek, “Thank you for believing in me...”

 

Rey’s breath came out with a shudder, “Thank you for waiting for me...”

 

Their pull to one another was unavoidable, like flying too close to the sun, and Ben brought her lips to his for a kiss that he hopes conveyed that he would wait a million lifetimes for her, but he was also thankful that it hadn’t taken that long to get her back.

 

Leaning over their son, lips moving in a heated kiss, the moment was lost with Jacen let out a shrill cry. Ben pressed his forehead to Rey’s and shifted his gaze down to look at his now very awake and upset son before sighing, “I’ll change him if you want to see if he’s hungry again...”

 

Rey was feeling light, giddy, and even a little playful as she watched her husband shift off the bed with Jacen in his arms. “You just want to see me take my shirt off again,” she accused in a teasing tone.

 

Ben just looked at his wife over his shoulder and winked at her, “Can you blame me?”

* * *

AN: Oh...my heart is happy with these two...

 

 

 

 


End file.
